


You're Still the One

by stingingscorpion



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Autism, Based loosely off The Lucky One (2012), Bullying, Cancer, Car Accident, Chiropractor!Chrissy, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Firefighter Nicole, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, High School Drama, Interesting..., Mama!Haught, Mental Illness, Mutual Pining, No Curse, OCD Waverly Earp, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RANCHER NICOLE, Soldier Nicole, Swearing, Waverly and Nicole are parents, Wynonna is dead thus so is my soul, awkward Waverly, biohacker Rachel, but like on the down low y'know, but not together - Freeform, did someone say eastern medicine?, isn't it a shame Champ exists, it's pine season baby, more nutrition than you'd like to read about, original Waverly-Champ kid, she's a busy lady, that feeling when she leaves you for the dumbest man in town, unfortunately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stingingscorpion/pseuds/stingingscorpion
Summary: Two kids. Failed career. Dying business. Ruthless rivals. An ex she can't stop thinking about. Nicole's just trying to survive.Autistic son. Father who doesn't care. A house to support. The one who got away, or rather, the one she let go, back in town. Waverly's just trying to survive.Nicole is losing faith. Things are getting harder, moving too fast, and she can't keep up. She wants to be there for her kids, but she's holding the world on her shoulders.Waverly is losing faith. Her son is getting older, smarter, more aware, more resentful. Her fiancé is getting lazier, sloppier, more cruel, more absent. She wants her son to be happy, but she's being pulled by a thousand ton anchors.If only they had one another again.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Champ Hardy, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 85
Kudos: 340





	1. Chapter 1

“What are you doing up there?”

A little head pokes out from the beam high above, two eyes staring at her. Sandy hair hangs downward, pulled by gravity. An upside-down pair of lips pout at her, unsatisfied she's discovered him.

“I was trying to scare you,” the child says.

She sets the tools in her hand aside, never letting him out of sight. “You're scaring me plenty. Get down from there.”

His eyes move back and forth as his face grows red. “Nicole, I’m stuck. Can you help me?”

Nicole crosses her arms, leaning against one of the walls of the warm barn. “I don't know. I'm kind of busy.”

“Nicole!”

“I've got the cows, the chickens, those darn pigs. The tractor’s making that funny noise again—”

Nicole reaches upward, a small pallet helping her rescue the child from the cracked old beam above. He sits comfortably on her shoulders, declaring himself king of the world.

“—and I could use some help.” Nicole pokes the child on her shoulders in the cheek, causing him to giggle. “Want to ride on the tractor, Julian?”

Julian grins, the dimples in his cheeks popping to life the same way as his mother and his grandfather's do.

-

Waverly appears in the room so suddenly, she scares her Aunt Gus enough to drop the tomato in her hand. Waverly's niece laughs when it squishes against the floor.

“There’s a speed limit in my kitchen,” Gus notifies Waverly, who immediately scrubs the blemish off the perfect floor. “Why are you in such a rush? You just got here.”

“Who’s blasting Shania Twain in your fields right now?” Waverly asks. “You guys hired someone?”

Gus laughs, and it makes Waverly feel out of place. “I didn't realize you and your knee were interested in hard labor.”

Sitting now, Waverly absently rubs her hand over her knee cap. “I just like to be in the loop.”

“We hired her weeks ago. In the loop my ass.” Gus returns to the island in front of Waverly, cutting a new tomato. “It's Nicole.”

Waverly sits up. “Nicole’s in town?”

“Darlin’, Nicole's _been_ in town. You'd know that if you went to the funeral.”

Easily, Waverly finds herself frowning. “I was a mess that day. Cut me some—”

Gus stops what she's doing, to remind Waverly, “We all lost her that day. So did Nicole. Nicole lost everything. That ain’t much of an excuse.”

Waverly wants to ask when Nicole became the favorite, but she bites her tongue. “How is she?”

“Go ask her yourself.” Gus glances at Waverly, before looking back at the tomato she dices.

“No, I’ll—I’ll leave her be.” Waverly looks out the window, staring out into the fields. “I’ll leave her be,” she repeats, quieter.

“Mmm hmm.”

Waverly’s eyes leave the window for her aunt again. “What?” 

Gus shrugs. “Nothin’.”

“Now I understand what Julian means when he's talking about his farm friend. I thought you took him riding or something.”

“ _You_ take him riding, Waverly. He’s your son. You're starting to ignore him like his father does.”

“Gus! Champ is—”

“Champ is hurt. And next week he'll be hurt again. And the week after that.” Gus crosses the island, circling Waverly as Waverly’s face grows red with frustration. “You're smarter than him,” she says, before leaving for the boxes on the porch.

Waverly sighs. Her eyes wander back out the window, out to the tractor in the field. She watches her son ride the contraption with Nicole, cheering as Nicole laughs.

“I made my choice,” Waverly says under her breath.

-

When Nicole returns to the homestead, she hears an audiobook playing at full volume, echoing through the home’s old walls. The voice details the importance of sleep schedules when Nicole appears in front of her daughter, who turns the volume down drastically.

“Most teenagers throw raves when they have the house alone,” Nicole laughs. “Have a good day, Rachel?”

“I got the dolphin,” Rachel says, her eyes not leaving her computer screen. “But I think I'm more of a bear.”

Nicole doesn't quite know what this means. Her other adopted daughter begins to sing about animals, and Nicole silently thanks her. Nicole picks up the child and places her around the table, next to Rachel.

“What’s for dinner, Alice?” Nicole looks into the six-year-old’s eyes. Identical to her mother's. Identical to Nicole's best friend.

“Pizza!” Alice exclaims.

“Pizza,” Rachel mutters, repulsed. 

“How about we order some wings,” Nicole decides. Rachel is happy with the decision, but Alice pouts. Hushed, Nicole offers, “With fries.”

Alice is satisfied. 

They retire to the couch, and minutes after begging and begging for the remote, Alice falls asleep. Nicole looks at Rachel. Rachel passes a controller and loads up _Mortal Kombat._

“You didn’t answer me,” Nicole says after a few rounds. She watches her Cassie Cage declare victory over Rachel’s Kano. “How was your day?”

“Fine.”

Nicole wants more than that, but she won’t push. She remembers being a teenager. She lets Rachel take the next round, too, for good measure.

It’s another long moment before Rachel speaks again. “There's a message on the landline for you. From the fire chief. Why do we have a landline, anyway?”

“So he can't bother me directly.” Nicole's character shoots Rachel’s with her pistols, and Rachel's blocks the attack. Fighting game logic.

Nicole sees Rachel adjust her sleeve. Peek over at Nicole, before looking away. Deciding whether or not to continue this conversation. After a moment, she does, taking the risk. “He says it isn't your fault. That you shouldn’t—”

In the middle of the round, Nicole pauses the game. Standing, she collects Alice and begins to walk off. “I need you to watch her tomorrow, alright? I’m gonna get stuck there.”

There's nothing else. She just tucks Alice in and goes to bed.

Come morning, Alice has crawled into Nicole's bed, clinging into Nicole. Nicole stares at her. 

Another day has passed.

Alice reminds Nicole of Wynonna in every way possible. Her best friend’s eyes. The same curly Hollywood hair. Same pouty face in her sleep. Being a godparent is great, but Nicole would still rather be Alice’s aunt.

The thought makes her leave the bed, kissing the child on the head before she begins her day. 

-

“These numbers are wrong.” 

Curtis McCready looks Nicole in the eye and shakes his head. These terrible numbers are true, and she’s supposed to be okay with it. Nicole’s supposed to be okay with the fact she might lose her best friend’s business. 

“Curtis, we need to invest in those ads. If we—”

“There’s no money,” Curtis argues.

“There’s plenty of money.” Nicole stares him down, but he remains indifferent. As always. “I have the spreadsheets, I’ll happily—”

“Nicole—”

“Chrissy knows the guy. She can get us a great deal. Word of mouth isn’t working for us anymore, Curtis. We see the same dozen people every week. The Clantons are kicking our ass!”

“The Clantons are far from ethical, Nicole. Don’t compare us to them.”

“I’m not. But we need to do something.”

“Everyone’s karma comes to them. They’ll get theirs, don’t you worry.”

Curtis leaves, his faith between his fingers, allowing Nicole to sink in her dread. The restaurant is losing money. At this point, it doesn't even make sense to be open anymore. They need to be putting butts in seats.

Nicole wants it all. Full house, so crowded they'll have to add outside seating. Hours that don't follow the farm work—more applicable to nightlife. A real staff. A delivery service. Take out. _Sorry, we're all booked for the evening._ Everything Wynonna dreamed of, begins with this. A small billboard. A small newspaper ad. Anything, to push them from barely hanging on, to getting by. 

But Curtis is as stubborn as ever.

Right on cue, as if summoned, Nicole's least favorite person appears. He places his hands on his belt, smiling under his thick beard and sheriff's hat. Looking around the empty restaurant.

“Just came by to see your thriving establishment. Or do I need a reservation?”

Nicole doesn’t answer Sheriff Clayborn. She never has the energy for him. She lets him get his bragging over with, order a sympathy soda, and go about his way.

The Clantons. Neck and neck with the Earps for generations in Purgatory. Petty contests. Senseless hate. Rival restaurants. The second Wynonna gained Curtis's investment and opened her doors, Cleo Clanton was opening her own. Wynonna used to blame it on their dating history, but Nicole knows there’s more to it.

Wynonna may be gone, but she isn’t forgotten. She will never, ever be forgotten, as long as Nicole stands.

Numbers fly through Nicole's brain all day. She comes home to a pouty six-year-old and a moody teen, doors slamming the second she enters the house. Alice immediately runs up to her and informs Nicole of every second of her day. She’s angry, because Rachel is grumpy and won’t play with her.

“Did you scare Rachel off?” Nicole asks. Alice’s pout returns, and all Nicole wants to do is pinch her chin. “Why don’t you bring her down for dinner?”

“I don’t want to!” Alice tells her, crossing her arms. Nicole leans on the table Alice is eating.

“Why not? Did you two fight?”

“I think she’s monster-ating,” Alice mumbles. It takes everything for Nicole to hide her laughter.

“You think she’s monster-ating, huh?” Alice nods her head. “Okay. Let me see what I can do. You finish your food, okay?”

Nicole gathers chocolates, just in case, before she crosses the house and heads up the stairs. One knock on the door. Nothing. Two. Not so much as a whisper from Rachel's audiobooks.

Space is everything. Being a teen is rough. Nicole hasn't forgotten those years. She can leave, let Rachel figure it out by herself.

But she promised Gloria she’d look after her.

Rachel doesn’t ever leave Nicole to her suffering.

“You feeling okay in there?” Nicole asks. “Cramps?”

“I’m fine, Nicole,” a hard voice clarifies. It’s so short, so unlike Rachel, Nicole is almost hurt by it. 

“Well, um, there’s Thai food if you’re hungry. I’m going to bed if you need anything.”

No answer from the person inside. Nicole gathers up Alice, drinks a glass of water, and readies for bed. Come morning Alice will break into Nicole's bed again, the sun will greet her. Another day will have passed. Another will begin. 

Nicole just wishes she could keep up.

-

“You really shouldn't drink soda on the job,” a little voice tells her. Nicole downs the rest of the can before grinning at them.

“Why not?” she asks. His head tilts at her.

“Are you hungry?”

“Nope. Alice gave me some of her little pizza bites things.”

Nicole's response angers the little person in the field. “You need real food.”

Then Julian's off without another word, barging into the kitchen and taking over Gus's cooking. He tells her it's an emergency, and she gives him all the help he needs.

The way he takes charge, boldly commanding an adult woman, reminds Nicole of his mother. 

Nicole focuses on the broken fence. She’s almost beaten the final post completely into the ground when she realizes Julian has returned, and is watching her. Studying what she’s doing in deep thought.

“Your food is ready,” he says suddenly. “It’s my special recipe!”

“Oh yeah?” Nicole sits in the grass. “What’d you make me?”

“You have to come see!”

“Why don’t you help me finish this fence first?” Nicole stands. “Just this one part.”

His head bows, staring at his boots. “I can’t. Daddy says tools are for real men.”

Nicole has to find a respectful way to tell Julian his father is an idiot. She considers it’ll be easier just to say nothing at all. After a long minute she asks, “Wait, if you’re not a real man, then what are you?”

Julian shrugs, his head remaining in its place. Nicole gasps loud enough to gain his attention. To make him raise his head.

“Julian Curtis Earp, are you a goat? Huh? Have you been a goat this whole time?”

He pretends he isn’t amused, failing miserably.

“Julian, are you a penguin?”

“No!” he laughs. Nicole pokes his stomach, and he laughs harder.

“Seems like a real man to me.” She places her hammer in his hands, picking him up.

Together, Julian and Nicole hammer in the post. It sits comfortably in the earth, strong and sturdy. Nicole fits the planks in between the posts, with Julian’s guide, completing the repairs. 

“You know who could’ve helped me?” Nicole asks. She pokes Julian’s cheek, next. 

Laughing, he answers, “A real man.”

“That’s right.”

The second the car pulls up in the driveway, Julian’s smile dies. He buries his head into Nicole’s shoulder, gripping tightly onto her. She tries to ease him off, but he won’t budge. He starts to scream, drowning out anything Nicole tries to tell him.

“I don’t want to go with him!” he yells into her shirt, finally muffling his volume. Nicole sighs. 

“I know, buddy.” She rubs his back. “I know. But you have to, okay?”

“No!”

“Come on. You’ll be back tomorrow. If you don’t go, you’ll make your mama sad. You don’t want her to be sad, do you?”

It doesn’t end pleasantly. Nicole has to walk him back into the house, where his father waits.

His father says he can’t deal with Julian when he’s like this, and Nicole has to force the child into the car herself.

“Good on ya, Haught,” his father says. He pats Nicole’s shoulder, and she makes a note to destroy her shirt, later.

She never was a fan of Champ Hardy. 

-

The popping in her neck brings immediate relief to her entire upper back.

“So, how’s the ad stuff going?” Chrissy Nedley asks her. “Did you guys settle on the design yet?”

It’s the best part of Chrissy’s job in her chiropractic clinic. She meets all sorts of interesting people. A wide range, from travelers passing by, to clumsy local athletes, to big name marketing reps. Chrissy is family. Always happy to pass the interesting ones, the ones with most opportunity, along to Nicole. Nicole’s just happy it wasn’t a single woman this time. _She loves kids, Nicole!_

Chrissy returns across the table, checking all sorts of reflexes with Nicole’s legs before having her lay face down. She uses the table to adjust Nicole’s pelvis, deeming her session done, everything back in place for Nicole to throw out on the ranch again.

“I settled on everything,” Nicole finally answers. She’s the last patient of the day, so Chrissy hangs back in the room with her. “The real conflict is getting Curtis to agree to go through with it. I love him, but he insists on being as difficult as possible. Thanks again for getting the free consult for us. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re family,” Chrissy smiles. “All I have to do is treat the guy’s wife, no charge, and he’s happy. She’s an easy one, anyway. Shame I can’t get the ads themselves for free.”

“That would be a miracle,” Nicole agrees. She sighs. “Curtis just won’t budge. Wynonna always said he was stubborn and conservative, but he doesn’t even make sense sometimes. We have no real clientele. We’re never busy. We close at five o’clock, when everyone in town is getting off for the day.”

“When everyone in town is hungry,” Chrissy agrees. Nicole nods. “I believe in you, Nicole. You’ve always had a certain charm.”

The statement makes Nicole laugh. “Yeah, like when—”

The door suddenly bursts open, revealing Rachel, done with the other therapies Chrissy had her on. She doesn’t hesitate. She immediately dives into whatever it was she and Chrissy were talking about before Chrissy started treating Nicole. “I’ve been thinking about what you said on my stomach meridian . . .”

Nicole loses them the second they start talking about chakras. Chrissy talks too fast for her to follow, and Rachel fires off more questions than Nicole can hope to understand. She looks to Alice, who is lost in her own little world, coloring in one of the books the office staff keeps for her.

It all started with a simple nutrition question. Rachel’s been deep into biohacking ever since. Sometimes her questions keep even Chrissy on her toes, causing her to run out of the room and question the other doctor, the business owner, before running back. It makes Rachel happy. Gives her something to focus on, to hold on to.

The smile on her face is a wonderful comparison to the brooding Nicole walked into last night.

-

Another day has passed.

Nicole begins the morning no different from any other. Moves slowly so Alice doesn’t stir. Meets Rachel in the kitchen for eggs and bacon. Pleasant chatter before Rachel hops in Nicole’s old car and heads into town for school. Nicole will follow about an hour later in her truck, with Alice.

Open the restaurant. Get the downright depressing numbers for the week.

Head back to the ranch. Work the fields. Make sure the livestock aren’t all dead overnight.

Pick up Alice and Julian. Rachel will see her later. Sometimes she’ll come to the ranch, but not often.

Today is different. Nicole doesn’t jump back into work, not right away. She sits on the porch, allowing her own legs to rock herself, slowly, back and forth. A small breeze tickles the left side of her face as she watches Alice in the field, playing tag with Curtis. Nicole isn’t mad at him. Frustrated, yes. But not mad. Never mad. He’s family.

Family, she’s learned, is for keeping as close as possible. For as long as possible.

Nicole hasn’t registered the person sitting next to her until she begins to speak. It makes Nicole jump, almost yelling with the effort.

“Sorry, Gus,” she says. Gus just passes over a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. It’s afternoon, but it’s fresh, and Nicole was never one to waste.

“I remember the night Wynonna spent with Curtis, arguing about the investment.” Gus begins the tale unprompted, so suddenly, it confuses Nicole for a second. “She was askin’ for a lot of money. A lot. Curtis told her no. But she was so passionate about it. She actually did the research. She had all the numbers. She had a plan—you and me both know Wynonna Earp never had a damn plan in her mind.”

“She implied she worked best under pressure,” Nicole laughs to herself.

“They argued for hours. I was expecting Wynonna to get mad and leave, like she always had a way of doing. But she didn’t. She stayed, and she argued for as long as she could keep arguing. I told Curtis to give her the money.”

Then Curtis spent the entire time they worked together, hovering over Wynonna’s shoulder and making all the executive decisions for her. Finally driving her away with the endless management. But Nicole doesn’t mention it. Gus doesn’t acknowledge it at all.

There’s one thing Nicole will acknowledge, because it’s the thing that scares her the most. “I’m losing faith.” She leaves her job of watching Alice, to watch Gus instead. “I’m losing faith, Gus. It’s what Wynonna cared about the most. I can’t lose it.”

“We both know that little girl is the one she cared about most.”

“If I lose the restaurant, I lose Alice, too.” Nicole slumps back into the porch swing. “And I’m not sure how much more I can lose.”

“If you lose the restaurant, you still have us,” Gus offers. “You’re not the only one making promises and being the protective one.”

Nicole doesn’t respond. Wynonna’s restaurant was never really about the money. About having a job. It’s about keeping her name. Erasing the identity everyone knew Wynonna as: destructive and plain criminal. It’s supposed to be a place for people to get together and enjoy themselves. Enjoy their friends and their families. 

“Well,” Gus says again after a long silence, “if anything, there’s always the firefighting job. Right?”

Nicole gets up so fast, she knocks her fresh orange juice over.

At home, she doesn’t find sleep. She can barely find herself. Alice is in her own bed, thankfully, and Rachel has been locked in her room all night. Downstairs is quiet, not a soul stirring. Not even the one soul who lingers here. 

The dinner Rachel made sits on the table in front of Nicole, between her and the TV she stares mindlessly at. At some point Nicole considers the food has gone cold. Not much thought is invested after that.

“. . . We are pleased to report the Clanton family has won this year’s Best in Purgatory title, and will be presented—”

“You shouldn’t be watching this,” a teenage voice tells Nicole. The news anchor goes silent when Rachel easily finds the mute button. “Like, at all.”

Nicole blinks quietly a moment, before looking up at Rachel. “You shouldn’t be up this late. Like, at all.”

Rachel crosses her arms, offering almost no defense in her case. Maybe she’s tired, too. Nicole sighs.

“What’s going on with you? Come on, be honest.”

Rachel taps her foot, looking away a moment before landing on Nicole again. “School is just very stressful right now. Quarter’s almost over.”

Nicole nods. The pair stand here, holding their ground, keeping the tension tied. Neither is awake enough to argue, and neither is tired enough to go to sleep. So Nicole reaches on the table, across from the cold bowl of food, and grabs a controller.

“One round,” she says. “Then we’re both going to bed.”

Rachel accepts her offer. “How about _I_ go to bed, and you eat the food I spent all day making for you?”

The statement makes Nicole laugh. “Come on, you’ve made this a thousand times, you liar.”

-

Rosita Bustillos is filled with amusement when the door opens and reveals Nicole Haught to her. Rosita’s the current owner of Shorty’s, happy to splurge on whatever drinks Nicole orders on the house. Too bad Nicole never actually orders anything. 

“Whenever I see you here, I’m about to hear about your problems,” Rosita says. “Which is normal for a bar, but it’s weird because you don’t drink anything.”

“Oh please,” Nicole says, grinning, fixing herself onto one of the bar stools, “we both know your ex was the drinker in the friend group.”

“ _My_ ex,” Rosita laughs. “Like Wynonna Earp wasn’t everyone’s ex in town. In this town, you’re one of two things: military, or Wynonna Earp’s ex.”

“Not mine.” Nicole cringes. Rosita does, as well. 

“Military option, for you. You are practically an Earp. It may be Purgatory, but no one’s dating siblings, here. Cousins, however . . .”

Nicole shakes her head. “That’s terrible.”

“So what can I do you for? I know you’re not here to suck down tap water and listen to drunks ‘sing’ all afternoon.”

Using her elbows, Nicole leans on the counter. Rosita passes her tap water, but she doesn’t pay it any attention. “Just checkin’ in. Making sure you haven’t suffered the curse of the Shorty’s owners.”

“I will not die of a stroke. You’re one to talk, with all the carbs and other crap you eat.”

Nicole shrugs. Sometimes a girl just needs carbs.

“You’re anxious. You always come here when you’re anxious. Go ahead, tell the bartender your problems. I promise to half listen as best I can.”

Nicole doesn’t answer, so Rosita starts the guessing game. If she’s worried about her carbs. Stress about the restaurant, which Nicole flinches enough at to fuel Rosita further. 

“Alice learned to curse?”

No, Alice learned that when she spoke her first word. 

“Rachel’s healthy food is making you sad? You’ve finally gotten sick of Curtis’s singing? Gus threw an apple at your head?”

Nicole looks at her. “These are terrible guesses, you know that, right?”

“Give me something to work with.”

Nicole sighs. She finally takes a sip of the water, tasting whatever horrifying things are swimming in Purgatory’s water supply. She’s certain she’s heard Rachel and Chrissy talking about it before. Then she leans again, more forward than before on her straining elbows. “I think there’s something going on with Rachel. Dumb teen stuff, maybe. I don’t know.”

“She hasn’t told you? That kid tells you everything. Remember the ripped jeans speech?”

“Not this. I trust her, but I worry. Is it because I spend too much time at work? Is this my fault? Is she mad at me? Did something happen? Do I—”

“Constant worrying,” Rosita laughs. “Welcome to parenthood. Definitely not my speed. It’s why I’m so chipper all the time.” She proves her point by screaming at one of the drunk patrons as they climb on top of the pool table across the way. 

“Wynonna used to say kids were gross, then she went ahead and had one,” Nicole laughs. It makes Rosita smile. “Alice is a sweet kid. Even when she decides to throw rocks at people in the park.”

Something overcomes Rosita, shrinking her wide grin into something more serious. “Do you remember when—”

Sheriff Clayborn walks into the bar, as if he sensed Nicole in here and stopped by just to tease her. He sits right next to Nicole, in one of many open seats of the midday slump, smiling at her. Then he turns to Rosita and orders a couple drinks. “The lady can’t afford it. But lord knows I can.” He grins, wider. “My whole family can.”

Nicole gets up in a hurry, not even taking the time to say goodbye to Rosita. She’s halfway out the door when she hears the end of Clayborn’s bragging.

“Best in Purgatory!”

-

It’s freezing. She forgot her jacket. She’s been here for about forty minutes now. She’s starving. Her neck’s out already. Oh, and the car started making that awful sound again!

The children are loud as they get released to their parents, running out from behind the school like they’re in their own little races. It’s not new. Nicole sees it almost every day. But it makes her smile every time, regardless. The carefree little faces. So happy. So innocent. 

Alice and Julian will arrive from the doors last. She’ll pick them up, head back to the ranch, and drown her mind into labor until the memory of Clayborn erases itself. Easy enough. She just has to stop freaking out. 

Waverly Earp walks up to her, and suddenly she’s freaking out at the power of a thousand airplane engines, speeding out the gate hundreds of times faster than any of these kids could ever hope to. 

“I guess Gus didn’t text you,” Waverly says. Nicole’s sure she did, but it’s impossible to check the phone she left at the bar, across town, right now. “They switched Julian’s therapy time on us. Guess the doctor’s leaving town or something on Friday. I was going to grab Alice, too.”

Nicole just nods, trying her best not to be impolite. Though she’s pretty sure she’s coming off as impolite, regardless.

“So, um, I hear you’ve been busy,” Waverly says again after a moment. 

The lively conversations and the screaming children around them only seem to make the slow, forced words more awkward. Nicole just stares ahead, right at that side gate. Looking out for Alice. Waverly rocks back and forth on her toes in that uncomfortable way she does. Nicole’s not happy she remembers this. The small details about her ex should be far away from her memory.

“Super cool”, she says again. “Yep, super cool.”

Nicole makes some kind of grunting sound. 

Waverly continues, despite the crushing awkwardness. “Um, so, the ranch and firefighting, huh? Busy, busy. At least you’re in shape, right? Um, not that I’ve been—”

“Just the ranch,” Nicole says, probably too loud. Too aggressively. She focuses harder on the gate, like it’ll bring her goddaughter to her faster.

“Oh.” Waverly begins to nod. She looks at Nicole, before looking away, back at the gate again. “What happened to firefighting?”

Nicole can feel her heart rate spike instantly, like she’s been shot. She finally looks at Waverly, with wide eyes, before looking away. Luckily, with perfect timing, Alice runs out from the schoolyard and gives Nicole an excuse to kill the conversation. 

Waverly laughs to herself, eyeing the kids as they all run. Some go right to their parents. Others chase their friends around a bit. 

“Look at them,” Waverly says. “It’s like a bomb’s gone off.”

Now Nicole feels like she’s been hit by a bus. She searches frantically for Alice, scanning the crowd of kids as fast as she can manage. She thinks she hears Waverly stammering, but she’s not sure. It’s too difficult to focus. 

“Oh, shoot, Nicole, I didn’t mean—”

Nicole’s gone before Waverly can attempt to apologize. She hears Waverly call herself an idiot before she’s out of range from anything else. 

-

Nicole enters the homestead in a flash. She barely helps Alice out of the truck before she’s running inside, to the back of the house. Her bedroom, like a teenager. 

The house’s actual teenager enters the room as Nicole stands in the middle, staring at the wall. She’s a complete statue. Her muscles can’t move, but her brain rockets to the moon and back, over and over. There are so many sounds in her head, she’s not sure what is which. Then she sees the face of a little boy and her muscles completely give, throwing her to the ground. 

She feels the impact of the sand as she’s thrown from the passenger’s seat. The sand below her fingers, and the sand kicked on her from the broken door. She wants to scream, but she doesn’t know how.

Someone holds her mortal body and tells her she’s safe. Tells her everything is going to be okay, and nothing is ever going to happen to her ever again. It sounds so optimistic, so ridiculously fake, it brings her out of her visions. Away from deserts and smokey sidewalks.

When she returns to reality, the first thing she notices is how sweaty she is. Second, her pulse. Third, her teenage daughter holding her like a little kid. Neither speaks. Nicole finds she’s the champion of awkward situations today. 

“I saw her,” Nicole mumbles. 

It takes a moment for Rachel to understand, to hear what she’s said under her breath and her clenched teeth. “Who? Who did you see?”

“Waverly.” 

Rachel goes quiet. It explains everything. Everything, in a simple word. 

After a long moment, Nicole clarifies, “At the school. She mentioned firefighting. Then she said something that reminded me of the—” Nicole has to stop, shake her head of those thoughts. “I ran off with Alice.”

Nicole sits up, out of Rachel’s grasp, sitting against the bed in her room now. Rachel asks, “Do you want me to call your therapist?” 

“I left my phone at Rosita’s. I’m going soon, I’ll be fine.” She bumps Rachel’s shoulder, trying to smile at her. “Thank you. You shouldn't have to worry about this. Thank you.”

“If you worry about me, I’m going to worry about you,” Rachel affirms. She twiddles her thumbs a moment before adding, “I can’t imagine doing that much for somebody, only for them to dump me. Sorry. That sucks. Especially when he’s the biggest loser in town.”

“It did suck,” Nicole agrees. “But it’s what Waverly wanted for her son. And you know what? I got you out of all of it. So I don’t care.”

Rachel smiles. “I am pretty amazing, huh?”

The confidence of her voice makes Nicole laugh. Helps her move away from the sour thoughts in her mind. “You are a very interesting one.” She makes to stand, helping Rachel to her feet. “Your mother would be very proud of you. All this nutrition stuff you’re doing is—”

The statement causes Rachel to retreat, leaving the room for another part of the house. “Okay, now you’re getting too sappy for me.”

Naturally, Nicole chases her, letting loose the sappiest statements she can think of. She barely even remembers the fact she saw her ex today. Barely remembers the way she feels about Waverly as a whole. 

These kids are what matters most. Not some relationship from years and years ago. She has to put them up high, above everything else.

-

Between the groceries and the grumpy seven-year-old, Waverly isn’t sure she’ll ever get the door open. Julian won’t help. He doesn’t want to go inside. He never wants to go inside. 

Today, he doesn’t make Waverly drag him in. He hangs his backpack on one of the hooks installed on the wall, but pauses when he gets to his jacket. There’s another one, already in his spot, and he begins to become frustrated. Waverly bites her own cheek to keep from cursing, herself. 

Her eyes fall on her fiancé, sitting on the recliner with a beer in his hand. 

“Champ,” she asks over the sound of the TV, “why is your jacket on the wrong hook? I’ve told you, this one is for Julian’s fall coat. Winter coats on the r—”

Julian begins to panic, throwing his jacket and breaking into a full on tantrum. Waverly has to swap the jackets, moving quickly to get him to calm. He doesn’t, so she has to take him to his room and rock him to sleep. 

She doesn’t give Champ any mercy. He doesn’t deserve it—she repeats this same information, every day. 

“It’s a stupid hook,” Champ says. “He needs to grow up a little bit, don’t you think? Really, with the tantrums!”

Waverly feels her fist clench, before unclenching. She takes a long breath. “Our son has autism, Champ. And I have OCD. Can’t you help us out a little bit?”

He scoffs. “You are both ridiculous. You’re both dramatic!”

It’s been a long day. Waverly decides to table it for now, because she’s exhausted. “Help me with the groceries. My knee is killing me.”

“I got thrown off a bull, Waverly. A _bull_.”

Without another word, he retreats to the couch, back to his beer and television, leaving Waverly and her sore knee to unload the rest of the groceries. 

She sits in the car, wanting to take Julian and drive away forever. But she doesn’t. She gets the bags, puts everything away, and retreats to a different part of the house for the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try a new style with this project, as well as really work myself in other areas. I'm attempting to tell this story in a style where we see glimpses of Nicole and Waverly's lives. I'm also really working my world building, trying to do it the proper way of revealing details one at a time instead of all at once. You'll definitely learn more as it goes along. At least that's the goal...
> 
> AKA the AU where Nicole is cute with kids. This one is likely going to be a shorter story. Not sure how long just yet. Just seeing where it takes me for now. This story won't update too quickly, but will always be posted on Mondays so it doesn't conflict with my other project I've been uploading. 
> 
> Rachel and her interests in nutrition and general biohacking is going to serve a bigger purpose in this story. Other than the fact it is most definitely a personal interest of mine. Also why I made Chrissy a chiro, like her actress. Represent!
> 
> Personally I'm more of a Tekken gal, but scorpion... Mortal Kombat... gotta represent...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. This story's gonna be full of angst, so feel free to scream at me. In the meantime, happy holidays, and stay safe out in the wild, wild world we've found ourselves in.


	2. Chapter 2

“Not that I don’t love you,” Gus puts one hand over her chest, startled by Waverly’s sudden presence in the house, “but why in the damn hell are you here right now?”

Waverly starts to explain, but she’s interrupted when Julian runs past her leg, bumping into her, racing to stare out the window and search for his favorite person in the whole world. She tries again once she’s settled at the table, where Gus was reading the morning newspaper. Before Waverly popped in and scared the life out of her. 

“Julian wanted to come here. I told him no, because I knew Nicole was going to be upset today. Next thing I know, he’s dragging me down here. Figured it was better than sitting in the house all day.”

Gus rolls her eyes at that. “Sure is shameful to spend time in your own house. With the people who live here.”

The action of Julian trying to escape outside helps Waverly leave the conversation. Gus doesn’t like Champ—she gets it. She’s heard the entire speech before. Several times before.

Most days, Waverly doesn’t like Champ either. 

“Julian, stay inside, sweetheart,” she tells her son. “Leave her alone.”

He pouts, his hands gripping the door handle tightly. Waverly stares at him until he gives up, lets go, and moves to another part of the house, his head bowed. 

“Nicole is tough,” Gus reminds Waverly. “It’s probably better if he hustles out there, anyway.”

“The only thing that really makes NIcole sad is me.” Waverly tries to mumble, but Gus hears, and she prepares to get a verbal beat down.

“I’m pretty sure there are other factors in her life,” Gus scoffs. “Today, for one. When Randy died, we all felt it.”

“She and Chrissy didn’t leave the house for three days,” Waverly recalls. She looks outside, as if to find Nicole, and instead finds her son, running across the fields, completely ignoring what she’d told him. “Julian!”

“Leave him.” Gus starts to laugh. “She’ll be fine.”

Waverly’s eyes don’t leave the field. Her son knows the place so well, knowing exactly where to search. Which parts of which building. Certain spots in the fields. He isn’t happy until he’s found his target in the barn, running inside with the endless supply of energy children seem to have. 

“Gus, do you think—” Waverly pauses, unsure if she wants to ask the question. But she’s been thinking about it for days, ever since she realized her son was hanging out with Nicole. Spending all his time with Nicole. Dragging her out of the house on the weekend just to see her. “Is it possible Julian remembers Nicole?”

“The boy’d better. Nicole did everything for him, unlike that lousy leech you let live in your home. She was huge in his life before—”

“I know, Gus,” Waverly snaps. She’s happy Julian isn’t here to wince at her tone. “I know I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I get it, alright?”

Gus looks her right in the eye. “Then why do you choose to keep living with it?”

Waverly takes the challenge, sitting straighter. Looking Gus in the eyes, as well. “I never got to live with my father. Why would I take that away from him?”

A loud scoff breaks Waverly from the competition she and her aunt always seem to be having. There’s a reason she usually grabs her son and heads out without stopping to say hi. “Champ Hardy is no father—he’s a rodeo clown. He can pretend he’s a rider, but he’ll be a clown for all eternity. There is a reason Wynonna—”

“Gus, don’t you dare pull the—”

Suddenly the back door opens, a small pair of boots running for the table as fast as they can go. There’s hay in Julian’s hair, and Waverly picks it out as he takes a moment to catch his breath. 

Then, after a moment, he informs them, “I need your help.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, no matter how many times Gus or Waverly try to get the information out of him. He leads them out to the barn, dragging them by their hands, his soft brown hair shining in the afternoon light of the sun. Waverly notes how perfectly combed it is—or rather,  _ was.  _ Every strand accounted for. He’s late to school, often, trying to get everything looking correct. He never lets her help.

When they enter the barn, there’s nothing on Waverly’s mind. Nothing, but the sight of a small crate, laying across Nicole’s torso, pinning her to the barn floor. Some hay next to her is scattered all about, and Waverly pieces together Julian tried to help her before running inside to get help, instead.

Returning to the house takes some effort. Nicole struggles to explain her back gave out as she lifted the crate of supplies. Julian came to help her just in time. Chrissy isn’t usually open on Sundays, but Waverly says she’ll call her regardless. Waverly being a longtime friend. Nicole being family. 

“Don’t bother her today,” Nicole says sharply. It feels like the first real thing she’s said to Waverly, and it just happens to be an argument. Of course. 

Arguments aren’t unfamiliar between the two; Waverly can play, too. “Really?” she asks. “You can barely walk. Don’t be the tough guy.”

“I’m not trying to be the tough guy, Waverly, today is—” Nicole stops to groan, moving the wrong way on the already lumpy old couch she sits.

Gus stands between them before they can start something. Julian hides in the corner, growing more uncomfortable by the second with the angry energy in the room. Nicole catches sight of him, before looking away.

“Waverly,” Gus says, “take her upstairs and go put that old masseuse license to work.”

“I’ll be fine, Gus,” Nicole says. But Gus isn’t convinced. She stands in front of Nicole, obscuring her vision, staring down on her until Nicole gives up and gets up, following Waverly up the longest climb of her life. 

Even more awkward, Waverly gets to wait outside the room while Nicole removes her shirt. Laying on the bed, feeling exposed and vulnerable. In front of her ex. Who she already can’t stop thinking about. 

Silence. The only sounds are the small groans Nicole makes, and the occasion Waverly becomes frustrated and tells Nicole to relax before she gets hurt. 

Waverly has to work her hands in, deep. She watches as she kneads Nicole’s warm skin between her fingers. The freckles Waverly’s fingers touch as she travels Nicole’s back. Soft. Nicole’s skin was always soft. It was one of Waverly’s favorite things about her. 

One of them; Waverly had many, many favorite things about Nicole.

She remembers the nights they spent together when they were first dating. Watching movies. Cuddling on the couch. When Julian came along, it didn’t change. In fact, they were even closer together. Young parents, constantly falling asleep in weird places, mostly the couch. Waverly sometimes found Nicole, laying with Julian resting on top of her. 

Nicole was always so good with Julian. 

Nicole was always  _ good.  _ At the core of the word. Every possible variation and example of the word. Nicole was good. Nicole  _ is _ good.

Slowly, Waverly’s mind climbs back into reality, to find Nicole has fallen asleep. Waverly sneaks away downstairs and grabs some ice packs, gently laying them across Nicole’s back. Listening to Nicole’s breathing. Watching as she grips a pillow. 

It was one thing they never really did together. At first, yes. Waverly remembers being held. Being so warm, she barely needed any extra blankets at night. Being so loved, she didn’t know what to do. Then she had Julian. Nicole slept barely four hours a night. Worked three jobs. 

And Waverly still left her for Champ Hardy. 

-

Nicole enters the room no different from a zombie, dragging her feet with a dead look in her eyes. She’s attempted to tie up her long hair, but clearly has had no luck. More than half of it dangles miserably out of an unsupportive hair tie. Almost as miserably as the expression on her face.

It’s three in the morning, but Waverly watches as she surveys the room to find Alice and Rachel, asleep next to Julian on the couch. Late night reruns of  _ The Nanny  _ play, watched only by one pair of eyes. Nicole considers the snow outside, looking at her kids before looking out the expansive windows of the ranch house again. After a minute, she makes her decision.

“We should get going.” She doesn’t look at Waverly. She decides to look at Rachel, though Rachel is sleeping and therefore offering nothing to the conversation. “Um, thanks for your help.”

Waverly can’t help the small grin forming on her face. Her voice is quiet when she responds, “You’re welcome.” Nicole steps forward, and Waverly clears her throat, building the power in her voice back to normal. “Leave them. It’s late. It’s snowing.”

Deciding to listen, Nicole stops. Her dragging feet come to a halt, and she looks at Waverly for a second before staring back at her daughters again.

“Chrissy called me,” Waverly says suddenly. “I swear I didn’t tell her to. She happened to, because she wanted to talk about some outdoor cat that’s been—anyway, I mentioned what happened. She wants me to take you to the office in the morning.”

Nicole scratches the back of her head silently, probably not agreeing with the travel arrangements.  _ Definitely  _ not agreeing. 

“You should get some rest,” Waverly tells her after a moment. Nicole tries to argue, but all she can do is yawn and blink tiredly.

She crosses over to the couch, next to Waverly. Alice settles next to her like a magnet, and suddenly Waverly has a new buddy to watch late night TV with. 

The night grows far later, beginning to cross into morning.  _ The Nanny _ still plays, over and over with no shortage of episodes. 

Waverly finds a sight on the couch that takes her back. Way back. Years back. Her son, clinging tightly to Nicole, his head resting on her chest. Nicole’s hand lays securely on his back, holding him and keeping him warm. 

Nicole used to keep Waverly warm. 

Waverly shakes her head, returning her attention to the TV.

-

Come morning, Waverly fits everyone into her Jeep and heads for Chrissy’s clinic. She walks the single hall of the small, empty building, about an hour before the staff will arrive. It’s forty minutes before Chrissy exits the room, finished with Nicole, and meets Waverly in the hall. The kids are in the waiting room, playing some game on Rachel’s phone. 

“She’s just on cold packs and electrodes.” Chrissy makes a face. “Farm work is no joke, man. I was  _ in _ there. But I guess that’s what happens when you live on a diet of carrots and potato chips.”

“I almost broke a wrist giving her a massage,” Waverly says. She stops Chrissy from making whatever joke is twisting her face the way it is with a hateful glare. It makes Chrissy laugh, anyway.

“I’m just saying. You’re driving your ex and her kids around, giving massages . . .” Chrissy stops herself, making a teasing expression as Waverly slowly dies inside. Just doing her duty as a best friend. “No, but seriously, it’s good to see you both together again.”

“For the record,  _ you _ told me to drive my ex and her kids around.”

Chrissy shrugs dumbly, like she had nothing to do with it.

“But I think you might be the only one who feels that way.” Waverly nods towards the closed door they walked away from, just to be clear. “She won’t say a word to me. The drive was so  _ awkward _ . Not that I blame her. It’s terrible, what I did to her.”

Chrissy falls serious, into true best friend mode. “You were both young. Young and scared.”

“Not Nicole! The second I told her I was pregnant, and-and keeping him, she was barely phased.  _ Barely _ phased, Chrissy! The only thing she did was stand up and say, ‘We can do this’. She worked three jobs for us. On top of that, she came home and took Julian so I could get a break. And then I left her and she and Wynonna—” 

Waverly stops herself. She takes a long sigh before continuing. 

“I deserve Champ, honestly. I am a  _ terrible _ person, Chrissy.”

Chrissy pats her on the shoulder. “Come on, that’s not true. Don’t say stuff like that.”

Waverly refuses to start dropping apologies for herself. All she does is sigh again. Chrissy nudges her one more time, grinning now.

“Want to see me get schooled by a teenager?”

Of course, Waverly has to witness it. She finds herself in a cyclone of confusion as Chrissy and Rachel go from semi-understandable terms to whole sentences that have to be either made up or in a different language. It’s impressive, given Rachel’s age. 

Waverly considers she shouldn’t mope around. If she and Nicole never split up, Nicole never would have met Rachel. Rachel would be in foster care somewhere else, not here, finding her passion. 

These events aren’t necessarily her doing, but it makes her consider some things happen for a reason. Sometimes people go their own way.

Still, doesn’t make Waverly feel any less terrible.

-

Banned from the farm. Nicole tried sneaking in, but Gus appeared from nowhere and forced her off the property. Like she put a tracker on Nicole. Rachel said she’d take care of getting Alice and Julian home. Nicole isn’t really sure what to do. She’s never not worked. She’s never been in an empty, quiet house. 

She considers going back to the ranch, at least for the company. Or maybe she can sneak away and do groceries. Do a home project, before anyone notices she’s working when she’s supposed to be resting her back. 

None of it happens. All that thinking leads to more boredom, and Nicole falls asleep without realizing it. She has no power to notice until the front door loudly slams shut, one pair of boots stomping around the house. Her eyes catch the clock above the television. No one should be home for another two hours. 

The couch isn’t too far from the front door. Not too far from the kitchen, either; a bag of chips falls from her lap and onto the floor. Nicole ignores it, and the giant mess it makes, because she’s found Rachel, ditching classes. 

There’s no calling her out, no lecturing. Rachel curses under her breath once she’s caught, making direct eye contact with Nicole. 

Observation has always been one of Nicole’s strong suits. Nedley used to tell her, in another life, she would’ve made a perfect cop. In the military, it saved her and her crew plenty of times. 

Except for when it didn’t.

Rachel has been crying, there’s no hiding it. Her hair is wet, and she’s wearing a different shirt from this morning. The honesty between her and Nicole is gone. The trust. Nicole tries to hide the disappointment and frustration she feels inside, just for the sake of giving Rachel one chance to defend herself. 

She wastes the chance ignoring Nicole, avoiding the confrontation they’ll eventually need to have, and rushes upstairs for her room. Nicole hears the shower run for the next hour, before she’s out the door again. Returning with Alice. 

It brings a new distraction, and Nicole knows it was Rachel’s strategy. Alice is all over Nicole, telling her about her day and asking Nicole all sorts of questions about her back. Rachel retreats to her room at the first opportunity.

Luckily, Alice is small. Energetic. Needs naps once she’s exhausted herself enough. Hours later, Nicole grabs a Rachel-approved Celsius drink from the fridge and heads upstairs. Her door isn’t locked. It’s not even closed. Rachel waits inside, no longer needing space. Now, she needs someone to be there for her. She’s ready to face whatever’s going to happen next between them.

Nicole is pleased to know the honesty and trust between them does still exist. 

“Something’s been going on with you,” Nicole says, feeling silly for stating the obvious. She takes a seat next to Rachel on the bed in the center of the room. She offers the drink, and Rachel takes it. “I didn’t want to pry before, but now I think I need to.”

Rachel silently agrees with a slow nod. It’s a long moment before she explains, mumbling, “I’ve already told the school, but they don’t care. Even though other kids witness it.”

“Is someone bullying you?”

The silence is even longer this time. Heavier, too. “I answer all the teacher’s questions first. Every class. I get perfect grades. I’m smarter than everyone in that stupid school.”

“And someone’s jealous,” Nicole guesses. Rachel nods. 

“There’s a boy we both like. She’s being such a Regina about it. She’ll interrupt him while we’re talking. She’ll cut in front of me to talk to him first. The worst part is he doesn’t even like her! He thinks she’s annoying!”

Nicole laughs. “That’s because she  _ is _ annoying. Clearly.”

“But today I was sitting with him at lunch. And we were talking. Then she comes out of nowhere and ‘accidentally’ spills a bottle of Pepsi all over my head. I ran away before anything else could happen.”

Nicole’s never wanted to punch a kid in the face more. “Do you want me to call the school?”

“If you want to. But I doubt they’ll say anything.” Rachel flops backwards on the bed, groaning at the ceiling. “My life is a dumb teen movie right now!”

Nicole can’t help but laugh at that. Maybe there is some truth to those terrible movies, after all.

From where she lays, Rachel looks up at Nicole. “I’m sorry for ditching. I violated your trust—”

“I can’t be mad at you for that. You did what you had to survive. It’s okay.” Nicole smiles down at her. “Remember when we first moved here and the school lunches used to kill your stomach?”

“Soggy burger buns and corn-fed beef?” Rachel scoffs. “I thought I was going to die.”

They both laugh, hard, as Nicole recalls, “You stole your friend’s car and drove all the way to the ranch!”

“That’s when you took me to Chrissy and I learned the magic of—” Rachel sits up, making wild gestures with her arms— “nutritional wellness!”

“And sucked down enough kombucha to dry out the county.”

“It’s good for you,” Rachel frowns. 

Nicole shakes her head. “We made a monster. A smart, wonderful, little monster. To match the plain evil monster of Alice.”

“I guess you can tell her I’m not ‘monster-ating’ now,” Rachel says, and Nicole laughs again.

“Can do.” She pats Rachel’s knee, before standing up to leave the room. “I’ll talk to the school and see what I can do. But I know they aren’t always helpful with these kinds of things.” She sighs, “Just pushing test after test.”

The question hits the air, thought over carefully, bravely asked with risk, by the time Nicole is halfway out the door. “Were you ever bullied, Nicole?”

Nicole stops for a second, staring out into the hall. It’s a minute before she turns around, nodding and making her way back to Rachel.

She sits on the bed again, folding her hands together. Staring out into the hall before turning her attention back on Rachel, who looks slightly guilty for asking the question.

“In middle school,” Nicole tells her honestly, “I hit my growth spurt all at once. I was much bigger than everyone else, even the boys. I felt super awkward, like I didn’t fit into my limbs. Like I didn’t fit into my body. Plus the usual ‘holy crap am I gay?’ stuff. The other kids had a field day with it, pretty much until high school, when they all caught up with me. It sucked. So I get it. I really do. If you need any other days, you take them, okay? Hell, if you want to go to another high school, let’s do it.”

Rachel looks away, as if she’s truly considering it. Then, proving this further, she changes the subject. “How did you get through it?”

A small smile forms on Nicole’s face. “I met Wynonna Earp. Everyone in Purgatory had something to say about Wynonna. Everyone thought she was crazy. I mean, she was, but still. Her youngest sister, Waverly, was skipping grades like crazy. People held that against her, too, but she didn’t care. In true Wynonna fashion.”

“She was the coolest,” Rachel agrees. “Is that how you met Waverly?”

“Yep,” Nicole nods. “She was the most popular girl in school. Yet, she still took the time to talk to me. I guess she wanted to know what kind of stubborn asshole would be hanging out with her sister. Wynonna was super protective of her. I was probably the only person she ever trusted to talk to Waverly.”

Rachel goes quiet again, staring at the floor of her room now. Then, suddenly, her head pops up and she asks, quickly, before she can stop herself, “Do you miss being with her?” An expression of dread follows. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer—”

“It’s fine.” Nicole nods again. “It’s fine. You ask me anything you want, alright? I have other priorities now. You and Alice. The restaurant and the ranch.”

“Your back going out on you like an old lady.” Rachel suddenly perks up. “I know just what to make you!”

“As long as it isn’t kombucha,” Nicole mumbles. Suddenly, Nicole finds herself perking up, too. A way to cheer Rachel up: get her talking about what she loves. “Is the stress from this mean girl stuff what’s throwing off that meridian thing?”

It gets Rachel talking, long past an acceptable time to go to sleep on a school night. She begins to explain the stomach meridian. The heart meridian. One blockage in one section can throw off the whole balance of the human body. 

Nicole gets a thorough lesson on eastern medical philosophy before the both of them decide they’re too tired to go on. Yet, she finds herself downstairs on the couch, letting late night shows play as her mind wanders. Rachel stays in her room. Alice joins her at some point, and Nicole’s too out of it to really register the other person in the room. Despite the fact Alice is laying right on her lap.

It’s late. Nicole is so tired, she can barely keep her eyes open. But her brain won’t stop. It won’t leave her alone. 

Every time she closes her eyes, she curses. She’s unfortunate to find Waverly every time. The things they did in high school together. After high school.

Nicole remembers how crushed she felt when they ended things, and suddenly she’s ready to sleep the day away.

-

Gus’s announcement sends Julian rushing away from the table, his lunch forgotten. He runs to the front window, verifying for himself Gus is telling the truth. He squeals when he sees it for himself: his mother is picking him up, not his father. 

Nicole tries not to let that observation get her down. She busies herself by packing up his food and his schoolbag. The second the front door opens, Julian charges over and hugs his mother. He even heads out to the car with no fuss, buckling himself in. 

His things are carried out by Nicole as Waverly and Gus talk, placed in the seat next to him. 

“I had fun today,” he tells Nicole. His little smile brightens up her sudden mood. “I have fun every day, but I had a lot of fun  _ today _ .”

Nicole hangs out in the doorway, looking at him. “Good. Back for more fun tomorrow?”

He nods, smiling. His cheeks stretch the same way his mother’s do. So much, it forces Nicole to turn around. 

Only to find Julian’s mother. 

The pair stand here, alone. A door blocks Julian from the conversation. Gus has gone back inside. 

They stand here, in silence, one challenging the other to talk. They can walk away at any time. Nicole can hide inside. Waverly can drive away, back to her life. But neither moves. Neither speaks. They just stand here, staring at each other.

Eventually, Waverly is the first one to give in. “Thanks for taking his stuff to the car. He kind of ran out the door. So, um, thanks.”

Silence. Nicole looks at her, like Waverly never spoke, offering nothing to the conversation. 

Waverly nods and prepares to drive away.

“Thank you again for helping me with my back,” Nicole says in return. Waverly is clearly surprised to hear it. Honestly, Nicole is, too. 

Waverly doesn’t take another step. Another silence falls on them, and Nicole decides to take the chance to run away, nodding a silent goodbye. Then she crosses Waverly, who suddenly blurts, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the, um. The  _ word.  _ You know, the-the  _ B word. _ ”

She might as well say it, at this point. 

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt you. I just wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

Nicole thinks the statement extremely ironic, all things between them considered. She takes a moment to wonder. She mumbles, without realizing, “Why am I the only one who survived?”

She asks the question every night, but it never loses its value. Its weight. There was a whole truckload of people . . .

Nicole has to clear her throat to remind herself she’s here, not there. The sound startles her, unintentionally, but it works. Like she’s saved herself from herself. “Um, it was—it was nice seeing you again. You’re, um—the short hair looks good.”

She smiles briefly at Waverly, then she’s off. Back into the house, back to work. 

Waverly stares at her as she goes. She finds a smile on her face, and no matter what, she can’t get rid of it. She’s not sure she wants to get rid of it. 

“It’s nice to see you, too.”

The front door has closed. There’s a good chance Nicole is already back out in the fields. But Waverly wants to say it, because she means it, with everything she has. 

“I really missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Celsius is a healthy energy drink)
> 
> Sorry about Nedley *takes a shot*
> 
> I also forgot to mention last chapter--the dolphins and bears thing Rachel was talking about was referencing Dr. Breus’s sleep test. Basically it’s a test that breaks down your specific productivity type and schedule based on how you sleep. The audiobook she was listening to I had in mind was “Boundless” by Ben Greenfield. Listen, nutrition is awesome and fascinating--
> 
> Luckily, I have a way clearer picture for the next few chapters, so they should be super easy on my part. Just depends on how much time I have to pump ‘em out.
> 
> Next time, we see Nicole’s home grow as Rachel sneaks in (and fails) a new member of the family...


	3. Chapter 3

The burning of her tongue brings Nicole back to reality with a curse. And a long sigh. 

She’s been thinking about Waverly again. 

Nicole places herself back into real life, sitting with her kids as they play video games. Rachel is teaching Alice to play Spyro, and Alice laughs every time the purple dragon on screen blasts fire breath at his foes. Her laugh is contagious, so contagious that it brings Rachel to laughter every time, too. It’s a sight so wonderful, Nicole forgets what she’s even upset about. 

Rachel’s been a little happier since telling Nicole about her school life. She gets to rant about it, every night, and it’s making a clear change. They have another one of their chats later, after Alice is tucked in for the night. Rachel tells her about something her bully did—something stupid that ended in embarrassment.

“I’ve never felt happier in my life,” Rachel laughs. 

“What about your boyfriend?” Nicole asks. The word makes Rachel’s face go red. “What’s he been up to?”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” 

Nicole laughs. “Don’t worry, I won’t chase him with my shotgun.” Quieter, she adds, “But Gus might.”

“He did talk to me after the stupid Pepsi thing,” Rachel mumbles. Nicole recalls her refusing to skip school. Refusing to sacrifice her education over some stupid drama. “He asked me if I was okay and we hung out for a while.”

“Isn’t homecoming coming up?” Nicole nudges Rachel with her shoulder. “You should ask him out.”

The suggestion nearly throws Rachel right off the couch. “Are you serious?”

“Come on, it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Homecoming’s dumb. I mean, it’s a scam! There’s no real—”

“Okay, Wynonna. He likes you, Rachel. Take the chance!”

It leaves them in silence as Rachel takes it into consideration. “I think he does like me, too.” Suddenly she starts laughing, uncontrollably, and Nicole sits there awkwardly, unsure how to respond. Then she blurts, “It’ll piss off Diamond so much if he says yes!”

Nicole shakes her head. “Wait, I’m sorry. The girl bullying you is named  _ Diamond _ ?”

Rachel nods, still unable to form words properly. 

Nicole laughs so hard, she can’t breathe. 

“Okay. Now it’s time for me to destroy you in Street Fighter.”

Suddenly, Nicole finds herself frowning.

-

She spends the night getting her virtual ass kicked by her daughter. She spends her morning getting her ass verbally kicked by the most annoying sheriff Purgatory has ever seen. 

Holt was waiting for Nicole when she entered the restaurant. She tried to ignore him, but he just kept talking. Nicole’s never really tried anything with him. Not so much as telling him to shut his mouth, one particularly difficult day. He’s the sheriff—who knows what he’ll do in retaliation. What he’ll make up, even. Best to ignore it.

But it makes her so  _ angry.  _ She barely speaks to the restaurant’s manager before leaving, arriving at the ranch in a complete rage. Nicole feels like all she’s ever done in her life is lose, and there’s nothing she can ever seem to do about it. She tries to collect herself around Julian, but she can’t. He doesn’t understand, and she doesn’t understand how to explain to him. He keeps talking when she’s trying to focus. Standing where he shouldn’t be standing. Reminding her of things she doesn’t want to think of.

Nicole decides to leave early. She knows Champ is coming to pick Julian up, and she fears if she sees him in her already sour mood she might just punch him in his smug face. The way she’s dreamed about for years. Maybe he’ll turn to coins on impact and solve all her financial anguish, too. 

Julian’s confused and upset when she leaves, but she explains she needs to see Chrissy. True, but still a lie. She takes the ride home slowly, leaving the window of her old truck open. It’s seen better days. But then, she has, too. 

The countryside is beautiful. Silent. It’s the reason Nicole came back to Purgatory instead of moving as far as possible. Leaving and starting over. A soft wind caresses the grass, slicking it back. Either without will to fight back, or enjoying the massage, the grass takes it. Nicole takes it. She lets the free, fresh air enter her lungs and reset her brain with every breath. 

Just in time for her to come home to chaos. 

There’s commotion inside. With little thought, Nicole finds the shotgun stashed under the porch steps to the old Earp homestead and bursts through the front door, armed. 

Rachel is cursing more than a sailor could ever hope to. Alice laughs as loud as she can. A pale, black-spotted dog runs around the living room, his tail wagging fast enough to force him off the ground like a four-legged helicopter. 

Nicole stands with an open jaw, the shotgun so loose in her hand she could drop it. Alice doesn’t move from where she sits. Rachel is mid-lunge for this random dog, frozen in place as she realizes Nicole has caught her, the dog, and the broken lamp.

After a long, extensive silence, Rachel blurts, “His name is Peter!”

Their unannounced guest, Peter No-Last-Name, is escorted up to Rachel’s room without another word. Alice doesn’t move from her spot on the living room floor, present for whatever discussion Nicole is going to have with Rachel.

Rachel gets ahead of her. She’s not stupid. She knows what she’s done and what comes next. “I was with—um, the boy I like, at his house. We saw this dog there. He doesn’t have a collar or anything, Nicole! He was hungry! They shot at him until he ran away, but me and—um, me and Crush Boy ran after him.”

“Remind me to thank Crush Boy,” Nicole mumbles. She rubs her temples before generously reminding Rachel she’s allergic to dogs. Especially hairy dogs. 

“Nicole, can we please keep him? You know the shelter isn’t nice to pitbulls!”

Nicole’s eyes are already burning, angry that a dog dare share the same room as her. Now that she’s gotten a better look at him, she realizes he has an awful lot of fur for a pitbull. But the face is unmistakable. Some kind of mix. Bright blue eyes, like a husky—her initial observation. Like a husky, meaning more dog hair for her eyes to freak out about. “I don’t like dogs, Rachel. We can’t. Find him a home.”

“I did find him a home! Please? I can take care of him!”

Nicole feels a tugging at her leg as Alice asks the same. Today is really not the best day for this.

“He can watch over us when you’re stuck at work!”

It’s not a bad point. It almost sways Nicole, right then and there. 

But then, Rachel’s right. Most nights, Nicole gets home late. She’s tired all weekend. When they first moved back to Purgatory, they were lucky if all three of them were awake at the same time. Gus took the kids to school before Rachel got her license and they all moved to the old Earp homestead. 

It would be nice for Rachel. A distraction from her hard school life. It would teach Alice responsibility at a young age. 

Nicole looks at the two kids, staring up at her with pleading eyes. Alice even throws in a pouty lip that reminds Nicole of Wynonna. “Are you two going to take care of him, or am I going to get stuck doing everything?” 

“I’m going to pick up shifts at the restaurant,” Rachel promises. “I want to take care of him. I’ve even started thinking of a meal plan for him! Dog food is a scam, you know.”

Meal plans. Restaurant shifts Nicole’s already been casually pushing Rachel towards. Protection while Nicole isn’t home . . .

Nicole sighs. She sighs, because these kids practically own her, and they’ll forever be able to prove so with this dog. It almost makes her want to laugh, but her eyes burn so harshly she can’t just now. 

“Okay,” Nicole says instead. She stands and returns to the door. “Let’s go.”

“Nicole, please, we can’t take him to the pound!” Rachel argues. Nicole stops and looks back on her, raising an eyebrow. 

“Dogs need collars, don’t they?”

Rachel and Alice nearly topple her over with the speed and force of their hug. 

They take Peter Valdez-Earp-Haught to the only store open this late, letting him sniff everything he possibly can and carefully rifling through every item on the shelves. Even Nicole finds herself racing Rachel through the beds section, finding the best orthopedic one they can.

The massive bill barely phases Nicole, because she’s too focused on the laughter and the excitement. 

-

They spend the morning with Chrissy. Apparently she has some sort of allergy killer treatment she learned from the clinic’s business owner and wants to test it out on someone. Rachel watches with the widest eyes Nicole’s ever seen on a human, while Chrissy and an assistant do all sorts of things Nicole is sure she’ll never understand. 

When it’s all over, Nicole finds Rachel and tells her they need to go to the  _ dogtor _ next. Followed by as many terrible puns as she can possibly manage. 

The vet’s office has a parrot in the waiting room the dog can’t get enough of. He and Alice run back and forth, sitting with Nicole and Rachel one moment and teasing the bird the next. The older couple in the waiting room looks at Nicole every once in a while, annoyed. She makes sure to give them a wide smile every time. The lone woman across from Nicole and Rachel just watches the two and laughs. Nicole glances at her one or two times too many. 

“The first thing I’m going to get him is a DNA test,” Rachel tells Nicole out of nowhere. It now occurs to Nicole that Rachel’s been staring at the dog this entire time, studying him. “I think Peter deserves to know what he is.”

Nicole smiles at the sweetness of the statement. “In that case, I think he will happily let you swab his cheek.”

Nicole watches as Rachel continues to observe. So curious. So ready to learn. Leaning forward in her seat. Her eyes follow as the dog runs back and forth, sitting by her leg one second and following Alice to the bird the next. Mostly, he’s just chasing Alice across the rectangular room. 

This dog is gentle with Alice. Nicole’s been watching that particular detail closely. He’ll roughhouse, play tug-of-war with Rachel until she loses balance to his strength. He’ll wrestle and growl and run full speed across their gated property. But the second Alice comes near him, he stiffens up. He’s gentle, showing his belly or bowing his head, making himself small. Often, he’ll crawl on his stomach to sit with her by the TV. 

He’s a family dog, and Nicole suddenly can’t see a future without him.

From nowhere, Rachel continues. “I named him Peter because that spot on his shoulders looks like a spider web.”

Nicole scans the dog with her own eyes now, catching him in view when the old couple finally gets up and he sits to stare at them. Sure enough, there is a black spot between the white fur on his shoulders. Looks identical to a spider web. Nicole nudges Rachel. “Why not Ben?”

Rachel gasps so loud, even the super attractive lady Nicole can’t seem to stop staring at across from them laughs. Her laugh is so beautiful, Nicole can’t help but stop and stare again. 

She’s a darker skinned woman, wearing scrubs hidden underneath a winter coat. Her dog sits on a couch with her, nervously tucked into her side. She rubs his ears to keep him calm; he whines every time she stops. He’s a proper husky, probably not as mixed as much as Peter is. 

She smiles at Rachel, though Nicole can’t help but feel nervous. About what, she doesn’t know. Just a beautiful woman, laughing a beautiful laugh. “My dog’s name is Miles.”

Rachel doesn’t get to make a single sound before Nicole blurts, loudly, “That’s-th-that’s pretty good. Yeah. I like that! It’s perfect!”

Nicole cringes at herself, because she’s aware Rachel saw the whole thing. She’s aware Rachel will never let her live down this horribly, horribly awkward moment she’s forever put into the universe. 

Rachel doesn’t; the car ride is hell as she gets revenge for Nicole’s terrible puns.

-

So far, Rachel has convinced Nicole. So far, she’s been responsible. Training Peter all weekend. Peter, who is actually a great listener and seems to learn everything on the first go. Nicole plans to give it time—it’s only a matter of time before life sets in and she ends up taking care of the stupid beast. 

Rachel presents her with a whole walking schedule, including weekend plans to go hiking and taking Peter to the dog park. The good dog park, not the one that doubles as drug deal central in the bad part of town. 

“Dog park, huh?” Nicole asks Rachel. There’s a tease to her voice that the teen doesn’t pick up just yet, so Nicole decides to keep pushing. “Alone? Awfully boring.”

Rachel just looks at her, confused. What does Nicole care about a gathering of a bunch of dogs she’s allergic to?

With a laugh, Nicole gives up and plainly tells her, “Sounds like a good place to take Crush Boy. Who also saved the dog. Just a thought.”

Rachel’s face goes red, so quickly Nicole has to stop to laugh again. “Okay—I—Look—”

Finally, it’s Nicole’s turn to tease Rachel about crushes again. 

The impressive training and the teasing goes away eventually, when the weekend ends and the new week blooms. “Bloom” here meaning “explosion” via alarm clock. Rachel leaves for school about ten minutes later than usual, guilty about leaving her brand new dog home alone. Alice promises him they’ll be back soon, and the two are off. 

Nicole stares at Peter from the door. He gives her a perfect puppy dog look, and the next thing she knows, she packing the stupid dog into her truck and driving him down to the ranch to hang out with her. The second he sees the open field, he starts tugging hard on his leash. Nicole detaches the rope from his harness and he’s off, his mouth wide open and his ears flopping freely as he explores the vast land as fast as he can. Gus says something about boiling some chicken for him to snack on later. 

He’s so busy running around and sniffing everything, Nicole doesn’t see him for hours other than a glance over her shoulder to make sure he’s still on property. Some of the fences are still broken, after all. Other than bothering Curtis, across the field, Peter generally stays out of the way, inspecting everything for himself with all that puppy energy. 

By afternoon he’s tired himself out, laying near Nicole and following her slowly as she moves along the fence posts. Hell, she even bothers to stop and pet him before her eyes resume their burning, angry attempts to kill her. 

Shortly, the kids arrive at the ranch. Rachel wants to hang out, but she’s starting her shifts at the restaurant today. Nicole just hopes they’re in business long enough for Rachel to finish out high school. The last thing Nicole wants is for her to have to waste time looking for another job, and living on some work schedule that doesn’t work for her that Nicole can’t help with. 

These damn kids grow up too fast. 

It’s not long before Alice and Julian come rushing out into the fields, looking for Peter. The dog immediately perks up at the sight of them, suddenly awake and ready to play all over again. He practically howls when he sees them coming. 

“This is my new dog!” Nicole hears Alice say. She glances over and sees Julian is nervous, standing off to the side. Alice shows off Peter’s listening skills, laughing in victory when he sits on the first command. “Sit right there, Pete. Say hi to Julian!”

Julian waves a hand at the dog, smiling small at him and mumbling, “H-hello.” Peter waves his tail, and wiggles impatiently where he sits, but he doesn’t move. Like he knows Julian is nervous and doesn’t want to scare him off. 

Apparently Alice catches on to this, and begins to encourage Julian to walk over to the dog. “Don’t be scared! He’s really nice!”

Julian takes the chance, extending a shaky hand out to Peter, who wiggles more than he was before. He scoots on his butt, closer to Julian, bowing his head so Julian can pet him. Instantly, the connection brings a smile to Julian’s face. Confidence, too, when he sees Peter really is a friendly dog.

It’s here Nicole decides, yes, no matter what, they’re keeping the stupid, sweet dog.

“What kinds of foods does he like?” Julian asks after a long minute of scratching behind Peter’s ear. All Alice can offer is a shrug. 

“I don’t know.” She pauses, then suddenly perks up with an idea. “Everyone likes cookies!”

Then the two are running inside, talking about what kinds of cookies dogs like, Peter trailing happily behind them. 

By the time Waverly stops by to pick up Julian—thank god it’s Waverly this time—Julian still hasn’t finished his baking. He tells her she’ll need to wait, because this is extremely important and cannot be postponed. 

Waverly decides to hang out. If it’s extremely important, who is she to stop him?

She sits next to Nicole on the couch, but the two barely notice one another. Their attention is fully directed to the kitchen, watching two kindergarteners boss Gus around. Gus, who these two adults on the couch are both afraid of. 

“This is nice. They never really hang out together.” Nicole’s not sure why she points it out. Or why she’s poking conversation with Waverly at all when the woman just makes her heart sink lower and lower. Somehow, she knows this is the dog’s fault. “Alice usually watches TV and Julian’s usually cooking, reading somewhere, or outside with me.”

Though Nicole is certain it has something to do with the fact Alice is known for being pushy and throwing rocks at people, where Julian is known for being quiet and reserved. 

Waverly doesn’t say anything, not at first. Like she didn’t hear Nicole. Not that Nicole’s going to be pushy about making conversation. She’s perfectly content with sitting here and soaking in the joy the kids are making in the room.

Then, of course, Waverly replies. She doesn’t look back at Nicole. She doesn’t even sound happy. “I guess if they lived together like they were supposed to, it would’ve been awkward.”

_ Like they were supposed to,  _ Nicole repeats in her mind. She decides to go the Wynonna route of comedy instead of starting a fight. Then again, Wynonna was a fight starter, too . . . “Maybe Wynonna knew they wouldn’t get along and separated them to save the awkwardness.”

There’s no response. Again, there’s that quiet, intensifying delay as Waverly stares off. Definitely not amused by the joke, that’s for sure. Then, she mumbles loud enough for them both to hear, “She trusted a friend over her own sister.”

The comedy route dies. Nicole’s ready to start something. Like she doesn’t try and try and try for Alice every day. Like Nicole shouldn’t have Alice because of something as stupid as blood. If she really wanted to be an asshole, she could remind Waverly they’re only half-sisters. But she doesn’t. She says something almost as bad. “I am one hundred percent positive it’s because of your choice in life partners.”

There’s no answer. Waverly gets up and walks to some other part of the living room the second the words leave Nicole’s lips. 

_ Now I’m the one saying the wrong things, _ Nicole thinks. Then she stops herself. Waverly made a conscious choice. She’s the one that kicked Nicole out. 

Nicole reserves the right to be as mad as she wants about it.

-

Despite most definitely, positively being in the right, Nicole thinks about it all day. 

It spirals, and she doesn’t know how to stop her own mind from being so loud. When it came to Waverly, there was no shortage of fights. Sleep deprivation from the new baby led to interesting topics. Squabbles on who does the laundry, who does the dishes, what brand is best for the dishes, which car seat they should’ve bought, why they bought such ugly dishes in the first place . . .

Whether or not Nicole and Julian’s father can exist in the same space at the same time. 

Eventually she gives up on herself and goes somewhere. Somewhere busy. Without thinking, Nicole finds herself parking at the dog park Rachel specified, easily spotting Peter sprinting with a whole pack of dogs across the grass. 

“Someone’s feeling confident in her allergy testing,” Rachel teases. It reminds Nicole she didn't take the supplements Chrissy gave her today, and suddenly her eyes are ready to fall out. 

Alice immediately runs up to Nicole and demands to sit on her shoulders. Nicole obliges, without putting second thought to it. Or her still-recovering muscles. 

“Maybe he’s grown on me,” Nicole says. It’s not entirely a lie, per se. Rachel smiles, smugly, so smugly it makes Nicole roll her eyes. “Keep it up—I’ll drink the rest of your Celsius stash.”

Rachel frowns. 

The area around them is blissfully chaotic, enough to keep Nicole’s mind off of her own problems. She watches dog after dog, laughing to herself because she’d never imagined getting so invested into the creatures so much. She sees people of all ages, from little kids running with their dogs, to adults she overhears are breeders. She listens to one of the breeders and learns all sorts of useless information about German Shepherds until the man gathers his investment and leaves the park for the evening. 

Most interesting, Nicole sees the woman from the vet. The one with the dog named Miles. The one she could not, for the life of her, stop staring at. Sooner or later she feels a nudge at her shoulder, and sees Rachel being smug again. 

“Go talk to her,” Rachel says. Nicole goes red, looking literally anywhere else. She watches a boxer roll around in the grass, scratching his own back and groaning. 

When Nicole makes it clear she won’t be moving, Rachel calls out to the woman and invites her over. Nicole makes a plot to dump all of Rachel’s drinks out and replace them with something horribly sour. 

“I guess it’s true what they say: Purgatory is a  _ very _ small town.” The woman smiles at Nicole, and Nicole makes some kind of expression she hopes can be considered a smile. 

Nicole doesn’t respond. She doesn’t think she can. All she can do is offer a pathetic nod, her face growing redder than her hair. She puts Alice down, just in case she blacks out. 

“I’m Rachel,” Nicole’s evil teenager says. “This is Alice, and the short-circuiting, fully grown adult is Nicole. Nicole  _ Haught _ .” Rachel winks and wags her eyebrows, and Nicole considers throwing Alice at her. 

“Haught because of the red, or Haught because you’re attractive?” The woman asks. Nicole feels like her head is about to explode, Hell, maybe even fall off and roll away. She thinks she prefers that, actually. “I’m Shae. Shae Pressman.  _ Doctor _ Shae Pressman.”

Nicole clears her throat. Then once more, just to be sure. “What, um, what kind of doctor?” She’s so friggin’ attractive, Nicole wants to collapse. 

“Not balance, unfortunately. You look like you’re about to pass out. Are you okay?”

Nicole finds herself clearing her throat again, straightening herself up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long day in the fields.” Suddenly the long nap Nicole took after lunch falls into her memory, and she mentally swats it away. 

“So you’re fit,” Shae notes, winking. Rachel stifles laughter, and the sound shakes Nicole’s hands even more aggressively. “Well, if you ever need anything injury-wise, I am an orthopedist. Just moved here, actually.”

Nicole sees Rachel mentally taking this note for her, lighting up. She expects to hear a thousand questions, but Rachel manages to stifle that, too. For now, anyway.

A part of Nicole wishes Rachel will ask, because the conversation dies off. They stand together, watching dogs as they all run around, some chasing each other and others wrestling in the grass. At some point Peter starts chasing his tail, and it causes Alice to burst into laughter. 

Rachel doesn’t help, and Nicole knows why. She wants  _ Nicole _ to strike up conversation with this beautiful woman, and a part of Nicole genuinely wants to. But she’s got—

No she doesn’t. She doesn’t have anything with anyone. Not anymore.

Nicole loses her slouch and strikes up conversation. 

By the time they leave the park, Nicole walks away with Dr. Shae Pressman’s personal cell number, and an earful of Rachel’s compliments on her game.

Rachel manages to get home first, not needing to sit in her car and stare at the same ten numbers over and over again. The second Nicole walks through the door to the homestead, she finds Rachel, waiting for her. Even Alice is poking her head around the corner. 

“So, are you gonna ask her out?”

“Maybe,” Nicole responds. She places her jacket on the hook by the door, Rachel practically jumping up and down to get a proper answer. 

“Come on!” Rachel stands there, staring at Nicole, and Nicole is amused by it. “Hot lady doctor!”

“I'm thinking about it.” Nicole begins to walk off for the couch. Then she freezes. Something hops across her mind, and she smiles with it. “Are you going to ask out your not-boyfriend?”

Rachel’s smile dies at an instant. Though the glare Nicole expects is not present. She actually looks . . . upset?

After a moment of weird silence, Rachel sighs. Her right hand rubs her left arm, and her eyes dart around before finding Nicole again. “There’s a small problem with that?”

_ Please don’t tell me she accidentally has a crush on a gay kid,  _ Nicole thinks. Oldest story in the book. She can’t keep up with the amount of straight girls she had crushes on back in the day.

“He has a brother and sister.” Rachel is sneaking around the subject. Nicole wants to hurry it along, anxious, but she doesn’t want to rush her, either. “Holt Clayborn and Cleo Clanton. The boy I like is Billy Clanton. I’m sorry, Nicole. I didn’t want to disappoint you, but I really like—”

“Hey.” Nicole silences Rachel by pulling her into a tight hug. “You disappointing me is not possible.” Nicole then separates them, looking into Rachel’s eyes. “If you really like him, go ask him out. You do what makes you happy, okay?”

Rachel nods, soaking the information in, as she always manages to do. “Thank you.” Nicole squeezes her shoulder.

There’s a silent pause between them, the relief from the stress Rachel’s bottled up finally leaving her person forever. Then, suddenly, she smiles, and Nicole knows the banter’s about to start again. 

“You first,” Rachel says. 

“You first what?”

She smiles, wider. “Call her.”

Nicole’s not a coward. She takes out her phone, glaring at Rachel’s smug face, dialing the numbers she was given barely an hour ago. “Not a coward,” she says as it rings. 

Rachel says something about learning by example, but Nicole cuts her off when Shae answers the phone. Answers awfully fast. Nicole makes direct eye contact with her teenager the entire time, confidently making dinner plans. When she hangs up, she does so with huge satisfaction. Rachel claps, mockingly.

“Way to go, lady killer,” Rachel says. Nicole gestures to her. Rachel’s turn. 

To her disappointment, Rachel just starts texting. It takes about thirty seconds for her to report the date is set, before she’s walking off, her head stuck on the device. 

Nicole shakes her head. “Young people are so weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The allergy stuff Chrissy was doing is called A/SERT testing. We do it in my clinic (and on me) and it is friggin’ aweessooooommmeeee 
> 
> Peter is based off of my sister’s dog, who is a malamute/husky mix with POTENTIAL pitbull in there. His behavior with kids is more based on my dog, including the butt scoots. Guess you could say,,,, Peter is,,, mixed,,,
> 
> I did have an urge to make Shae a rival chiro to Chrissy, but I decided to keep things simple. Doesn’t fit within the Master PlanTM anyhow…
> 
> Hope you had happy holidays. I’ve been feeling way more energized lately (holiday depression is a Bitch), so there’s a good chance chapter 4 will make its appearance relatively faster than usual. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

The dating competition Nicole and Rachel have begun with one another starts with Rachel and Billy, who aren’t orthopedists with schedules that change at an instant. Nicole fears Shae might be getting cold feet about it. Two reschedules. She’ll take the third as strike three and plan to stay out of the game for good.

Nicole soaks in late night dread until Rachel returns home, racing over to the couch and muting the reruns of  _ The Golden Girls _ playing in the background. The teenager’s smile is so wide, Nicole can’t help but smile back.

“So it went terribly, I’ll take it?” Nicole says. “I’ll crack an ice cream open, if you want.”

“He asked me to homecoming! He said, and I quote, ‘Homecoming is lame, but it won’t be lame with you.’”

“Very romantic,” Nicole says again. Then she smiles, wider, and pulls Rachel close by the shoulder. “I’m happy you had fun. You’re going to have a great time at that dance. Let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“Always,” Rachel promises. “Hurry up and go on your date so I can help you, too!”

She runs off before Nicole can tell Rachel she’s helped beyond something as small as a date. Nicole decides to hold on a little longer. Rachel’s excited about her getting out there, going out with someone, so she’ll be a little more patient. 

By the time Nicole and Shae’s schedules line up again, it’s time for Rachel’s dance. They have time to do all the planning, the outfit shopping, the pre-event teen jitters, before Nicole hears anything from Shae again. They settle on the same night as the dance. Alice goes to Gus. Nicole vows to take one night for herself, not worrying about any other thing in the world. Just one night. 

Shae manages to find the only teppanyaki restaurant in town, a place far too fancy for the average Purgatorian. Nicole sees nothing but wide eyes inside, no matter the age. One chef draws a smiley face on the grill before lighting it on fire, and Nicole hears a child scream with joy. She knows for a fact Alice would have the same reaction. She hopes Alice is okay, sleeping by herself at the ranch.

No, don’t think about the kids tonight. All she does is think—it’s why she prefers to keep busy. Doing nothing means thinking, thinking means falling into a spiral of lonely, crushing dread. 

Nicole mentally slaps herself. Don’t enter the date with the apocalypse mindset!

The drinks get going as the usual first date small talk begins. Nicole asks where Shae went to school. Shae asks Nicole how she got into farmwork. Both tales are far from short. Shae’s weird roommate that used to do six sets of twenty jumping jacks a day. Her weird professor that would randomly stop in the middle of a lecture to check all the security cameras surrounding his home. Nicole tells Shae about the military. Wynonna pranking the other recruits. Her drill sergeant that used to yell at birds when they hung out in the training yard, atop buildings. Shae asks Nicole why she left the military, and Nicole is lucky enough to get away from the question when the chef makes a volcano out of a stack of onions. Nicole pretends she was never a firefighter and mentions the farm once before the subject completely leaves them. 

“Purgatory clientele are interesting,” Shae says after a moment. The chef talks with another party about different types of steaks, giving them enough privacy. All the food they ordered is here, anyway. “Apparently beer is the solution for everything in this town.”

“It’s also the root of every problem in this town,” Nicole laughs. She pokes at the hot rice steaming in the bowl in front of her. Secretly, Nicole hopes Shae doesn’t notice she’s absolutely terrible at using chopsticks. There’s no way she’s going to wimp out and ask for a fork. “People mean well. They’re just stubborn, is all. Stuck in their ways.”

Nicole swears she feels her phone go off, but she leaves it be. She’s supposed to be here, on this date. Nowhere else. Just be out and have fun—it’s what Rachel wanted her to do. 

“I’m starting to get that notion,” Shae agrees. “I shouldn’t complain. I practiced in my hometown for about a year before I couldn’t do it anymore. People just don’t listen. I mean, why come in if you won’t do your part too, you know?”

Nicole laughs, because she’s heard this exact rant from both Chrissy and Rachel before. She thinks about her phone again, but puts it at the back of her mind. It feels like it’s going off again . . .

“You know,” Nicole says after a moment, “my daughter has given me that exact speech before.”

“Oh really?” Shae motions her along, intrigued. 

“She’s really into biohacking. Nutrition. If she saw me eating all this rice right now, I’d never hear the end of it.”

“And she’s what, in middle school?”

“High school. Even the dog is on a strict meal plan, now.”

“Is that what the kids are into these days? What happened to mind-numbing video games?”

Nicole sits up, suddenly feeling awake. She’s certain her phone is going off now, but she can’t be bothered to answer it—she’s got to fight for the honor of all video games everywhere. “Not a fan of video games, huh?”

“Our youth spends so much time on those things. It’s horrifying!”

“My daughter does and she’s still smart as hell!” Nicole takes another sip of her soda—another thing her super smart kid would kill her for—before continuing, “Come on, it all comes down to parenting and you know it. Kids don’t know any better. Adults do. Kids just want to be kids.”

Shae considers it as they share a small staredown. She secedes with a grin, bowing her hand to Nicole. “You have a point. What do you and your kids do for fun in this town? Hopefully no beer.”

“We are the one percent of no beer,” Nicole laughs. She feels her phone go off again. She’s starting to lose her appetite. Something’s wrong, and she knows it. “Lately Rachel’s been hiking and going to the dog park. She takes her sister. After I recover from the week, I—”

She can’t keep ignoring the phone. Nicole can’t sit here and talk about her kids while ignoring them at the same time. 

She can’t be out and have fun knowing there’s something going on with the most important people in her life.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this.”

Shae tells her it’s no problem, but Nicole knows it’ll be something more. She sees six missed calls from Rachel and starts to take out her wallet. 

“Shae, I’m really sorry, it’s my daughter. She’s at a dance and there’s stuff going on with her at school and now she’s calling—”

“Hey, no problem. Go ahead.” Nicole offers her part of the bill, but Shae waves her off. “I have an in with the owner. Don’t worry about it. Go, go!”

Nicole barely has time to say her thanks before she’s running out of the restaurant, phone pressed against her ear.

-

“Did Billy get home safe?”

Her passenger doesn’t answer. She just tugs Nicole’s flannel patterned jacket tighter around her smaller form, looking out the window and nowhere else. Peter sticks his head between them, resting it on the center console, but Rachel doesn’t notice him. Alice quietly scratches him between his shoulder blades. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Nicole gets an answer now. A clear, audible, “No.” She doesn’t ask any further questions, not until they get home.

“Need any help getting out?”

Rachel doesn’t, and they cross back into the house. She isn’t hurt. Not physically, anyway, so Nicole can find some relief.  _ Some.  _ She tries to offer Rachel some water, maybe even a snack, but Rachel’s gone into her room before anyone can say anything. 

Nicole feels a little tug on her pant leg, followed by Alice’s question: “Is she sad?”

Where Alice is armed and ready to throw rocks at people, she’s quiet and caring. She’s a perfect clone of her mother. Nicole picks her up, carrying her off to bed. “Rachel’s gonna be okay. Be nice to her, okay? Can you help out with Peter?”

“Not right now!” Alice says, scrunching her face up. “It’s my bed time!”

“Okay,” Nicole laughs. “How about in the morning?”

Alice gives her a thumb up, before sending Nicole out of the room. She claims she needs her beauty sleep. Nicole knows for a fact Alice will get up in about twenty minutes and go sneak into Nicole’s room. 

Returning to the kitchen, Nicole finds Rachel. Tonight’s dress is gone, like it was never put on to begin with. Hair curled in a specific pattern has gone wild and messy and random, like it went through a storm. She looks at Nicole with sad eyes, and Nicole tries to look away respectfully. Sort of awkwardly, too. 

“I’m sorry, Nicole,” Rachel says, and it makes Nicole gasp.

“What? Why would you be sorry?” Nicole wants to laugh at the ridiculous thought, but she fears offending Rachel, so she keeps a neutral expression. Other than her shock.

“You never go out. Not for yourself. You’re always doing stuff for us, and I ruined—”

“Hey.” Nicole crosses around the island between them, pulling Rachel close. “Stop it. A mean girl and her lackeys ripped your dress in front of everyone, and you’re apologizing to me? Stop it. Maybe now that stupid dean will get off his ass and do something about it. Last time I talked to him he tried to convince me I was crazy. Asshole.”

Nicole separates them, placing both hands on Rachel’s cheeks before moving down to her shoulders. She tells Rachel to breathe before allowing either of them to say anything.

“Besides,” Nicole says first, “Dr. Pressman is not a video game fan. She thinks they’re  _ evil _ .”

Rachel sniffles as Nicole takes a step back, putting more space between them. Letting Rachel gain her strength back on her own. “That’s pretty lame for someone who went through that much school,” she says. It makes Nicole laugh, and in turn Rachel finds it within herself to laugh, too.

“Did your boyfriend make it home okay?” Nicole asks again. Not so much for the sake of their relationship, but the sake of a kid getting home okay on his own. 

“I think so. I kind of—Well, I ran away from him? He didn’t really get to say much.” She takes out her phone, but she doesn’t check it. Instead she holds the device, looking to Nicole for help. “What should I do? Should I call him? I ditched him!”

Right on cue, as if magic, someone knocks at the front door. Nicole doesn’t need to open it to know it’s Billy. Still, Rachel is surprised to see him all the way out here. Just to see her. Nicole should be offended he wore a leather jacket to a formal dance, but she decides to leave it alone.

“Hey,” he says, holding his phone in his hand the exact same way Rachel is. “I, um, I wanted to see if you were okay. I couldn’t find you after—”

“I’m okay,” Rachel affirms. “I’m okay.”

“Oh.” Billy nods, repeatedly, in a way that once again makes Nicole stifle laughter to keep from being rude. “Uh, cool.”

“Night’s still young.” Nicole has to intervene. The teenage awkwardness is killing her. “Why don’t you two go get something to eat real quick?” She looks to both of them. “If you want, of course.”

“Um, yeah!” Billy says. He swaps his phone for his keys in an instant. “I brought my car!”

Nicole hopes he didn’t walk this far from town, but again stops herself. She can make fun of them at a better time. Preferably with Gus involved to laugh with her. Rachel looks back on Nicole one more time, promising they won’t stay out too late, then she’s disappearing into the night. 

From the hallway, Nicole hears, “Ew! Rachel has a boyfriend!”

-

One minute she’s sleeping. The next, her phone is ringing obnoxiously into the night. The tired part of Nicole’s brain curses and begs to turn it off. Then her alert side kicks in and she’s desperately grabbing for the phone like her life depends on it. Not a number she recognizes. But it’s after midnight, and as far as she knows in this whole three second flurry, it’s just her and Alice in the homestead. 

“This is Nicole Haught.” Her voice is still heavy with sleep. She should’ve cleared her throat or something before answering. She feels the hand not holding her phone shake, and she decides to tuck it under her thigh. Like that’s going to help.

“Yeah, hey, Haught. This is Sheriff Clayborn.”

The voice on the other end instantly gives her a heart attack. There’s a million possible futures waiting for her from this moment, and one part of Nicole wants to hang up and never find out what any of them are. But she can’t. She made a promise to protect this teenager with her last breath, and she plans to uphold that promise.

“Uh, listen,” Holt says again, “this ain’t easy. Billy’s in the hospital. Your daughter is, too. Looks like they were turning back to your neck of the woods and got hit by a drunk driver. It looks like—”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Gus isn’t too pleased about the phone call. Then she learns what’s going on and suddenly Alice and Peter have a sitter for the night, and Nicole is speeding through town.

An entity takes over Nicole. The headlights of the few other cars on the road don’t register in her mind. The flickering street lights. They’re all bright, meaningless flashes. Clear headlights. Red lights. Green lights. Yellows. They don’t mean anything. 

All Nicole can see is smoke. Fire. One child she already failed, forever and ever until the end of time. Over and over, until the smoke fills her lungs and she chokes out for eternity. 

The car is stopped. Nicole doesn’t know where. She doesn’t even remember stopping. Then she curses, loud, and resumes her mindless speeding. Rachel is waiting for her—she cannot let Rachel down. 

For the first time in her life, she’s actually happy to see Sheriff Clayborn, loitering by the entrance to the hospital. Nicole’s a mess right now, but Holt doesn’t say a thing about it. 

Panting, having run across the parking lot at full speed, Nicole asks, “Is she okay?”

“They tried calling you,” he says. Nicole hasn’t even had time to check her phone this evening. “She needs rotator cuff surgery. They need an adult to sign off on it. Underage.”

Nicole’s off without another word. Then, she stops. Looks back on Holt. “Is Billy okay?”

Something changes in him. She can’t quite pinpoint his expression. It’s almost like Clayborn is confused. Why would Nicole ask him about his brother, anyway? 

All he does is nod, before telling Nicole to go inside.

-

Maddening. Any minute now they’ll check Nicole in for treatment, too.

She can’t sit still. She rocks in the couch she sits on, briefly, before getting up and pacing up and down the halls. But not too far—if they need her for anything she needs to be right on the scene, right away. She isn’t going to let anything happen. Nothing can happen to Rachel. It’s her daughter. Her kids are all she has left of anything. She cannot fail them. 

Not like she failed—

Nicole finds herself sitting somewhere again. Not sure when. Not even sure how she actually sat. Maybe she never got up in the first place. Who knows. Maybe her mind is being especially cruel in tonight’s dream, and she’ll wake up and laugh with her kids in the kitchen over eggs and bacon.

Alas, here she sits, both of her hands gripping the sides of her head like she’s going to fall over and die at any moment. She wants to crush her own head, forget she’s here. She wants to be anywhere but here. Maybe if she uses enough effort, she’ll finally wake up from this nightmare she’s created. 

The only thing Nicole feels is another pair of hands, on hers. 

“Hey, you’re going to hurt yourself. Let go.”

She knows that voice. Now she’s convinced this is all a cruel dream. Nicole is certain there is no way in the world Waverly Earp could possibly be here right now, comforting her. 

“Easy,” Waverly says again. Nicole can sense her presence, kneeling right next to her in this awful chair. “Calm down, Nicole. It’s okay.”

Waverly has no idea how wrong she is. Nothing is okay—Rachel is hurt! She could’ve died! Nicole put her in danger!

The presence moves closer, but Nicole doesn’t have the strength to shoo it away. She feels Waverly stand, sit in the chair next to her. Nicole doesn’t move. She keeps her eyes shut, her head bowed, her hands gripping the sides of her head. This is a horror movie, and this is the position she’s chosen to wither away in.

Waverly Earp reaches over, closing the long and far distance the two have put between each other, and she pulls Nicole close. She sits here, holding Nicole, supporting Nicole, in a way neither of them have known in years. It’s pathetic;  _ this _ is the thing that makes Nicole completely lose her cool and burst into tears.

Nicole feels herself wake up. Her first feeling is relief. Then dread. It’s real. She’s still here, in the waiting room, and she’s lost twenty minutes to sleep. She’s mad. But she also wishes it was thirty.

Waverly Earp is still here, next to her. She offers a small smile when Nicole frantically leaves their shared embrace, then she asks if Nicole is okay. It’s an answer so obvious, Nicole can’t humor herself enough to actually respond. 

“Did Gus call you?” Nicole has to know. There is absolutely no way Waverly got up in the middle of the night, dropped everything, and raced down here just for Nicole. She seriously doubts it. 

“Um, no, I—” Waverly withholds the rest, like she’s afraid Nicole can’t take it. She looks around for a moment, watching a small child and his mother across the way before looking back at Nicole again. “I was already here.”

“Is everything okay?” Nicole’s first fear is Julian, but then Waverly seems too collected for it to be about him. Maybe Champ made up a new injury or something.

Waverly looks around again, and Nicole begins to see it on her face. Something bad is happening; everything is not okay. Each second that passes, Waverly grows more and more worried. Finally, she looks back in Nicole’s direction, though not at Nicole herself. “I’ve been having knee pain for a while. I thought it was my low back causing it, but Chrissy wanted me to get scans. But I’ve never really had time, because every facility in Purgatory closes at frickin’ five—same time I get off.”

Again Waverly looks around, like she’s trying to hide something. Like this is a big secret she’s taking a huge risk in sharing with Nicole. 

“I woke up in the middle of the night,” Waverly says after a minute, “which I usually do, but—Well, my entire knee was swollen, so I drove down here. I had a bad feeling.”

Nicole watches Waverly’s eyes dart around again. The shaky breath she takes. How she grows more unstable by the second.

“They found a tumor in my knee.”

Nicole lunges forward in her seat so fast, she nearly falls out of it. “What?”

“Nicole Haught?” Perfect timing. Wonderful. Someone comes out into the waiting room to grab Nicole for Rachel. She reaches for Waverly’s hand and all three of them are off, down the hall and into one of the rooms.

The information comes back to Nicole, like her brain was storing it somewhere else and waiting for her to become more coherent. Drunk driver hit them from the side, driving out from the prairies and not the road. Billy’s car flipped, and they needed extraction. Billy has a concussion and broke his leg, according to Rachel earlier. Rachel’s rotator cuff tore like nothing, and now she’s sleeping it off. 

In the morning, Nicole will rush her off to Chrissy. For now she’ll sit here, by her daughter’s side. Waverly doesn’t move. She sits here, with them.

-

“I think that’s a viable excuse,” the manager says, leaning over the counter of the empty restaurant. He leans fully on his elbows, looking up at Nicole and smiling as he adds, “The fact you’re the owner helps, too.”

It’s such a silly thing, to ask the manager if Rachel can have time off, when Nicole is, in fact, the co-owner. Still, she feels like she needs to. No one is above anyone else; they’re a team. That’s her belief, anyway. Not like she’s in here every day running everything the way Robin Jett does.

Robin grabs an order for them from the kitchen, holding everything by himself and directing Nicole to one of the booths in the back. She tries to help him, but he glares at her until she gives up and walks without fuss. They catch up to Robin’s husband, who clicks repeatedly on his computer’s mouse with a confused expression on his face. Robin slides over a coffee, and suddenly he’s perking up. 

“I would ask you how work’s been,” Nicole says to him, “but I can see you’ve got your hands full.” She steals a fry from his plate to get his full attention. Then she teases, “Nice to see you, Jeremy Chetri.”

“Doing IT for old people? Do not recommend.” Jeremy frowns, gesturing to his screen. “They downloaded these viruses like they were trying to collect them all! This isn’t Pokémon!”

“Around here, we call that Purgatory charm; old people messing stuff up and making the young people fix it. It comes with the town,” Nicole laughs. 

“They keep calling, though. Can’t be mad about that.” Jeremy takes a sip from his coffee. “Freelance is really giving me the full actor experience; sitting around waiting for calls.”

And yet, Jeremy won’t let Nicole charge him for his services around the restaurant. They’ve been in talks trying to turn the place into an internet café, but there’s a financial goal Curtis wants to hit before they even start to implement it. Never mind the botched ad idea . . .

“You do make an attractive guest busser, though,” Robin offers, winking. Jeremy reminds him of the time he tripped and broke a whole tray of dishes. Doesn’t faze Robin. “I’d still marry you.”

The three share the rest of their meal together, two or three parties of people trickling in as the time passes. Most don’t order much. A drink and a few fries, then they’re out. There’s one server in the entire restaurant, and she doesn’t look especially impressed with today’s pace. Robin catches Nicole staring and promises this isn’t a typical crowd. 

“Are you guys all set on Rachel’s stuff?” Robin asks, as an obvious distraction. Though hopping one from financial anguish to another probably isn’t the best sidestep Nicole’s seen. She thinks Robin thinks so, too, the way he suddenly cringes. She sees Jeremy laugh into his coffee, as well.

“We are all set,” Nicole confirms anyway. “Chrissy set us up with an attorney and a case. Sounds like the driver’s in custody, too. Good ol’ Purgatory drunks, am I right?”

“I feel super safe, knowing who’s in charge of the law here,” Jeremy makes sure to roll his eyes. “Or maybe Batman will finally get off his ass and do something now that something in town actually affects him and his family.”

“Maybe two full days of effort, before he quits,” Robin laughs. 

“On the bright side,” Nicole says again, ignoring the memory of the horrified expression on Holt’s face at the hospital, “this case is completely Chrissy’s. Puts her on the radar with some of the attorneys in town. Usually she just treats the business owner’s patients and gets a cut.”

“Do you think Holt will bring Billy in to her?” Jeremy asks. Honestly, Nicole hasn’t given it much thought.

“I doubt it. She’s Waverly Earp’s best friend. Sheriff Nedley’s daughter. Sheriff Nedley, who hated him. I’m sure he’d rather crack Billy’s back himself.”

Jeremy and Robin say something at the same time about Sheriff Clayborn and Nedley’s relationship, but it goes unnoticed. Nicole feels her phone go off and grasps for it like it’s the last of her oxygen at the bottom of the ocean. Five messages from Shae Pressman. She tucks her phone away, picking at the rest of her meal.

-

Chrissy steps into the waiting room, where Nicole has been staring at her phone for several minutes she’ll never get back of her life. Eight messages from Shae Pressman, unanswered. 

“She’s just on electrodes right now. Lumbar only,” Chrissy says. She touches Nicole’s arm before she speaks, so as not to frighten her. “I don’t even want to touch her shoulder or her neck right now. Just cold packs, that’s it.”

Nicole looks up from the phone for a second, into Chrissy’s eyes. “I really appreciate you.”

Chrissy puts on that cocky smile that Nicole hates. “How can you not? I’m awesome.” She nods, towards the bright screen blaring all of Nicole’s contacts with Shae so far. “When’s the wedding? Make her family so I can get free referrals without marketing or chummy lunches, please.”

The comment makes Nicole laugh. “You’re evil.”

“Shae just got here and she’s already the best ortho in town!  _ That _ is evil! That’s theft!”

Nicole sits back in the chair, shaking her head. “I don’t know, Chrissy. I don’t see this going anywhere right now. There’s too much going on. Way more ‘too much’ than usual.”

The smile dies as Chrissy falls serious. “Anything you guys need, you know I’m here. But I wouldn’t cut things off with Shae just yet. Rachel’s shoulder is pretty bad, and Shae is the best in town. You don’t have to date her, but don’t burn that bridge yet.”

“You’re right.” Nicole looks at her phone again. 

As time passes, Nicole develops a new hobby of frequently checking her phone. Just looking. No answering. No interacting. She doesn’t really know what to say. At this point, there’s a good chance the in she had with Shae is gone, anyway. But she can’t will herself to say anything—she’s not exactly sure  _ what  _ to say.

Time keeps passing, the way it always relentlessly seems to. Work keeps her busy. She gets up earlier to cook breakfast for everyone, and takes them all to school herself, the way she used to. She packs up some things from the homestead and moves her little family out to Gus, closer into town. That way they’re closer to school, closer to Chrissy, closer to where Nicole works. It was Gus’s idea. Gus’s idea, because Nicole’s never really been good at asking for help. 

What’s most important is Rachel isn’t alone. What’s most important to Rachel is Peter now has a giant field to run across while she can’t tend to him herself. Still, he spends most of his time laying by her side. Sweet dog.

The house is loud and busy when the week resumes. Julian with his cooking and Rachel spending her new down time educating him on nutrition. Nicole thinks she’s roped him into the world, too, the way he engages and asks so many questions. Julian’s never really liked talking to people who aren’t his mother or Nicole. It makes Nicole happy to see. 

Despite Nicole’s joy, it all becomes background noise. The phone rings. Another text to add to the collection. Shae’s been asking about Nicole’s daughter these past few weeks, wanting to know if there’s anything she can do. Of course there is—Nicole just doesn’t know how to go about asking that kind of favor with someone she’s completed half a date with before ghosting.

Nicole doesn’t notice her fingers are aggressively tapping against the counter until someone slides a warm cup of tea between her and the polished wood. Waverly. Nicole thanks her for the drink before staring off into space again. Then the damned phone vibrates and she’s unfortunate to find herself back in reality once again. 

“Heard you went on a date,” Waverly says. She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at Nicole, like the whole thing didn’t end in disaster. She considers telling Waverly things went smooth and leave it at that, but then Nicole’s never been too great at lying. Lying to Waverly she’s even worse at. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for the dating game,” Nicole says honestly. “Too much going on right now.” Not like Nicole was ever fond of dating, in general.

Waverly goes quiet. She looks at the kids, laughing when Peter sneaks into the kitchen and tries to sniff what’s on the counter when he thinks they aren’t looking. Rachel scolds him, but Alice laughs and tries to encourage him to do it again. Peter just wags his tail and smiles at them both.

“You should take time for yourself, too,” Waverly says. Between them, no louder. “You deserve it, because you never do. When we were together, you didn’t. The military. The farm and the restaurant. You were a firefighter, too, I bet—”

The mere mention of the job gets Nicole on her feet and out the door, phone in hand. The tea is left behind, and Waverly stares at it before laying her forehead to the counter. 

Across the way, Rachel notices as Waverly grumbles, “Why do I always say the wrong thing?”

-

Outside, Nicole is mid-pace when her phone goes off. She answers it without thinking, for the sake of getting the stupid thing to shut up. 

Shae Pressman is on the other side of the conversation, and Nicole instantly wants to die inside. No running now. No time to think of something to type up. Shae has her, here, in a live conversation. She’s got Nicole cornered, and Nicole wants to scream and throw the phone as far as possible.

“I didn’t mean to ghost you.” Nicole doesn’t let Shae talk. The woman was in the middle of saying something, something Nicole can’t even repeat, but she doesn’t care. She’s going to fix this. For the sake of her daughter, at least. “It’s just—a lot of things are going on right now, and a lot of things were already going on, and I’m playing catch up every second of every day, and I swear—”

“Hey, it’s alright! It’s okay, Nicole. I shouldn’t have been so pushy. I mean, we’ve barely even spoken, and—I was just—I had a bad feeling, is all. Call it doctor’s intuition.”

Nicole sighs. Half of her was expecting to get slapped with the hand of god, not coddled into forgiveness. “My daughter got hit by a drunk driver. She had rotator cuff repair surgery. And I don’t—”

“Come by in the morning. Around 8:30.”

It’s like Nicole never ignored her. She’s offering help to a total stranger, a stranger she met at a vet’s office and had half a date with, from the goodness of her heart. The whole thing makes Nicole’s mouth sour. She feels like she’s done something wrong, like Shae should never offer her help. 

She’s going to have to get over it. She’s taking Rachel in at 8:30 the next morning, no matter how guilty or weird she feels about the whole ordeal.

Nicole gets the kids settled in for the night, after walking the farmlands and clearing her head with the fresh air. Peter sits on the edge of Rachel’s bed, forming a perfect donut shape as she checks something on her laptop. Smiling. 

“Early tomorrow morning,” Nicole reminds her. Rachel nods, though her eyes never leave her screen. “Are you feeling comfortable? Ice packs or anything?”

“I’m okay.” Same thing; eyes on the screen, not moving. Nicole leans on the door frame, crossing her arms.

“What, some kind of hot news in the nutrition world?”

Rachel finally looks up. “I did it.”

“Beat your high score in pinball?”

“I applied to the Purgatory Academy.”

A giant smile comes across Nicole’s face. It’s the top school in Purgatory. Highest level of education, extremely hard to get into. With Rachel’s grades, Nicole doubts a scholarship won’t be attached. Rachel getting accepted is pretty much guaranteed. “That’s great, Rachel!”

“I wanted to tell you when I got news, but I’m too excited.”

“You’re going to get in, you know,” Nicole assures. Rachel smiles wider, tries to look away. “You’re the smartest person in this town. I’m proud of you.”

Rachel throws a pillow in Nicole’s direction, forcing Peter off the bed and ready to attack. “Stop jinxing me!”

-

Not backup. She isn’t here for backup. Nicole totally isn’t nervous. Chrissy is here for marketing, and nothing else. Just marketing. Not because Nicole is terrified of what Shae might find on Rachel.

Luckily, it’s nothing. She inspects the scar from the surgery, tests some of Rachel’s ranges of motion, and goes over physical therapy stuff. Rachel’s healed nicely the last few weeks. Mostly, during the appointment with Shae, Chrissy and Shae talk about all sorts of things Nicole knows a simple trip to Google will never fully explain. 

Then Chrissy mentions something even Nicole didn’t know about: she’s planning on getting her orthopedic license, on top of the chiropractic. Shae offers her expertise, and Nicole smiles with the sentence. Chrissy has a contact in town. Her name’s going to start spreading. Shae even told Nicole to bring in some of Chrissy’s business cards next visit.

Eventually Chrissy has to leave for her own clinic, leaving Nicole and Shae. Alone. Free to discuss the stuff between them. Nicole’s never been a fan of  _ stuff.  _ She’s quiet about it. Almost manages to get away with it. Then Shae walks her out to her truck. The second Rachel is inside, Nicole starts the difficult conversation. Just get it out of the damn way. And then run before she realizes what she’s said and done.

“I ghost you, and you still helped us out,” she says. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it—”

“No, I—” Nicole sighs. “Thank you. I am so not ready for this dating thing, I’m sorry. And I—I don’t think I’m going to be. Not for a while. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on or waste your time or anything.”

Apparently Shae is a master at taking rejection, because all she does is offer Nicole a smile. All that anguish, keeping her on the edge of her seat, in the dark, and she still offers Nicole a smile and treatment for her kid. “I understand. Really, I do. I grew up with a single father who had four kids. My youngest brother has cerebral palsy—he was a busy man. He didn’t have to worry about a farm and a restaurant, though.”

Still, Nicole feels terrible about the whole ordeal. Leading Shae on, leaving her in the dark, and then coming into her clinic for help.

“Look, if anything, I’ve had my eye on Chrissy’s clinic  _ forever _ now. I’ve just never had time to reach out.”

That’s Shae’s way of reminding Nicole she didn’t totally waste her time. Still offered her something in return. She’s going to take care of Rachel, and there’s no hard feelings here. 

_ Still, _ Nicole feels like she deserves to be punched in the face or something. 

“Just make sure she does her exercises, alright?” Shae says again. “She’s going to bounce back from this in no time, don’t even worry.”

Nicole can feel that night crashing back into her. Being so out of touch with herself, she didn’t even realize she was actually driving down to the hospital. Waiting a thousand years in that room.

Thinking about—

“Shae, have you ever—you know, have you ever, um, lost a—” 

Lost a patient. Why would an orthopedist lose a patient? Such a stupid question.

Nicole thanks Shae for her time, before disappearing into her truck, driving off as fast as she can. 

-

“All these kids, and none of them are helping you?” Waverly circles around the truck, stopping and waving at Nicole. Nicole sets down the hay bale resting on her shoulder, slapping her gloved hands together to clear the pieces that cling to her. 

“They tried,” she says. “But Peter thought the hay was something to roll around in, so I kicked them out.”

“Fair enough.” Waverly nods, then smiles awkwardly. Like she wants to ask something, but can’t. Nicole just continues; she wants to finish up before the sun goes down. 

They haven’t really talked since running into each other at the hospital. Just the one time with the tea. Nicole decides she most definitely wants to get back to work. She’s had enough  _ stuff _ for the rest of the year.

Of course, she can’t run from her problems forever. “Need a hand?” Waverly asks. She doesn’t wait for an answer. She walks up to the bed of the truck and gets going before Nicole can say anything.

“Hey, you should be careful.” Nicole stops her, placing an arm in Waverly’s path. “With your knee, and all.”

Damn it, they’re going to talk about it. Way to dodge the subject, Nicole.

“I’m not made of glass, you know,” Waverly argues. She grabs a bale, sticking her tongue out at Nicole before tossing it by the barn and quickly grabbing another one before she can be stopped. 

Nicole smiles. She can’t help it. “Okay, Earp. If that’s how you want to play.”

She grabs bales of her own, unloading them as quickly as possible. Waverly moves faster.

“I insist!” Waverly yells, practically jumping back to the truck.

Nicole moves faster. Waverly starts taking shortcuts. Nicole starts moving Waverly’s pile of bales further away from the barn, stopping her from completing the task of moving more over faster. Waverly psyches Nicole out, tells her the knee pain is too much, before grabbing the bale in Nicole’s possession and tossing it into her own pile. 

Back and forth, sabotaging and running and laughing, the two manage to finish the task somewhat successfully before the sun sets for the evening. 

Waverly straightens out the mess they’ve made, dividing everything into even heights and even rows. Then she finally turns to Nicole. “I won and you know it.”

“I’m getting old,” Nicole defends.

“I think you’ve still got quite a few years ahead there, Haught.” Waverly removes the spare pair of gloves she borrowed and slaps them into Nicole’s chest, before winking and walking off. Nicole actually  _ smiles  _ about it. “Good hustle, though.”

They get in the truck, Waverly complimenting the vehicle’s navy blue shade on the drive back to the house. She says the shade fits Nicole. Nicole’s never really put much thought towards it. Just a truck. Never considered it had a personality, before. Or that blue was her color.

The vehicle is equipped with a rear camera, but Nicole ignores it. Turning her head left and right over and over, making sure she isn’t too close to either of the two Jeeps parked in the narrow driveway. Waverly’s red car, Gus’s black one. 

“Little more to the left.”

Nicole stops the vehicle entirely. She quits looking over her shoulder and looks directly at Waverly. “Backseat driving? Rea—”

“Oh, come on, you’ve never been good at reversing in. Face it.”

“Okay, little miss Jeep! Because it’s so hard to park a Jeep.”

Nicole continues, but not before Waverly adds, “You weren’t great at parking that either, let’s be honest.”

“I’m going to throw a hay bale at you.” Nicole wants to further, because she does, in fact, need to go more to the left. She doesn’t bother to look at the expression on Waverly’s face when they both realize it. 

Waverly looks around once they’re parked, making some sort of satisfied expression. “Not too bad, Haught.”

“Gee, thanks. Careful with your knee. It’s a raised—”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.” Waverly grins. “Not like I have a tumor or anything.”

They meet in front of the house, right on the porch. Inside, they can see the kids are still watching the movie Waverly put on about an hour ago. There’s a possibility all three of them are asleep. Before Waverly can head inside, returning the distance between them, Nicole thanks her.

“Really wanted to get done before sundown. Appreciate it.”

“No problem. I am amazing, you know.” Just like friggin’ Chrissy Nedley. Nicole sees why they get along so well. Waverly smiles up at Nicole, before turning away. “I’ll see you around.”

A nod is the first response. “I’ll see you around.”

Nicole watches her enter the house, sneaking around on quiet toes. She checks up on her son on the couch, sleeping next to his cousin, the dog laying between them. Waverly checks the time before deciding she can stay, sitting with Gus and sharing a drink. 

No matter how she tries, Nicole can’t stop staring. 

Nicole shakes her head. Of course she can’t start dating someone else. She thinks about what happened between them in the hospital. How calming Waverly’s touch was. How safe she felt.

How badly she wants it back.

A huge sigh falls out of Nicole. She’s still in love with this damned woman. Even after everything between them.

Love is so stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws pillow* EW FEELINGS
> 
> The owner of my clinic is a certified chiropractic orthopedist, that’s where that whole idea came from. Man’s a friggin genius, I’ll tell ya.
> 
> Scorpion’s pro-tip: if you ever have rotator cuff surgery, stay on top of that shit, man. Frozen shoulders are NO JOKE
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. I’m feeling super energized about this fic lately, and I’ve been a little more on top of things here than I was before. Outline’s done and it looks like, if everything goes according to plan, we’re going to have ten total chapters. Chapter 5 will be out soon!


	5. Chapter 5

The laughter is so loud, it makes Waverly’s face go red. A kindergartener, laughing at her? Ouch. Her  _ own _ kindergartener? Double ouch.

“It’s not that big a deal, mama,” he tells her. Regardless, Waverly stands in the doorway, frozen between the inside of the barn and the open range outside. “Come on, mama!”

“She’s in the navy and she’s afraid of chickens.” Nicole shakes her head. “I’m disappointed, Earp.”

“Okay, I’m a  _ recruiter _ ,” Waverly corrects, “and chickens are mean! Don’t laugh, they’re mean!”

Nicole laughs harder.

As far as Gus knows, Waverly’s using up her sick days before she loses them. In reality, she’s started her treatment. The only person who knows about it is Nicole. Waverly can’t tell Gus, not just yet, and Nicole can’t really judge her for it. She has no idea what she’d do if she were in a situation like this. But Nicole is certain she would’ve told her partner, immediately, not her ex.

It’s a whole week Waverly plans to stay away from work, and rather than stay at home, she’s decided to hang around the ranch. Company, Nicole guesses. Company that isn’t Champ.

Eventually Waverly gets bored from sitting around all day and joins Julian when he takes his walks around the land. He shows her everything; what he does every day he’s here after school, and he makes her help Rachel out with the dog. She tries to tell Julian about the dog Gus had when he was very young, but he doesn’t listen. He wants to focus on the tasks at hand.

It doesn’t take long for Julian to direct Waverly’s services towards Nicole. Nicole is busy. Nicole does all this work by herself — Waverly should help. She’s big like Nicole and she should help out. Next thing she knows, she’s standing in a barn full of hungry chickens with death glares in their evil little eyes. 

“Just tell them you’ve gone vegan,” Nicole says after a moment. “They’ll back off.”

“Formerly vegan,” Waverly corrects again. “Champ doesn’t really — Oh my god, that one looks like she’s going to kill me!”

Nicole can’t help it any further — she’s hunched over, laughing her guts out. It doesn’t take long before Julian grows impatient and shows his mother how it’s done, grabbing her by the hand and feeding the chickens on his own. He introduces Waverly to most of the animals on the property, holding her hand even after they’ve left the chickens far behind.

Then Peter and Alice enter the scene and Julian is off, excited to play with the dog. The dog, who looks like he’s in heaven with all this open space to run around in. Alice shows Julian the Nerf gun Nicole bought for the sole purpose of shooting tennis balls as far into the property as possible. Before they get to it, Julian starts asking Alice about Peter’s needs. If he was fed today. How much water he drank this morning. Alice declares he and Rachel are boring, before running off, Peter chasing her and the gun in her hand.

“I’m not so sure Alice is the bossy one anymore,” Waverly says. “I went to pour your dog some food and Julian lectured me on the ‘proper pouring technique’ for about five minutes.”

“He runs a tight ship.” Nicole shrugs. “Navy might see him next, who knows.”

For the longest minute, Waverly watches the kids as they run through the grass. Alice shoots the ball across the way and Julian chases after her, reminding her how much water Peter needs to be consuming in a day. Alice yells something about him being a major butt before running faster. Then, Waverly asks, “How is Rachel doing?”

“Better. I think she feels more comfortable knowing the dog’s taken care of. Chrissy gave her some minerals to take, on the house. Should help her heal faster.”

“And Rachel was the daughter of . . . a medic? That you and Wynonna used to — ” Waverly stops herself suddenly, frantically searching for Nicole. “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about military stuff. Forget I said anything.” More like, forget she said the wrong thing. Keep the nice conversation going and forget she almost ruined it.

But she didn’t almost ruin it.

Nicole looks at her. “It’s okay. Wynonna and I were friends with her mother, who was a medic. Whenever we were sent home, we went over to Gloria’s place. Rachel was almost a perfect mini-Wynonna when she was a little younger.”

Mini-Wynonna. It makes Nicole look over to Alice. Then back to Waverly. Alice again. She wants to say something, to address the weirdness that seems to surround the topic of Alice, but Nicole doesn’t want to ruin it, either. She’s sick of the fighting, the arguing, the uncomfortable tension between her and Waverly. One nice moment. She just wants one nice moment between them in this hell storm of a year she’s having.

But Waverly is staring at the child, too, her mind housing her own thoughts Nicole can’t hope to decipher without digging into the conversation. 

“Alice is happy with you.” It’s all Waverly says before she claims she needs to go rest her knee, disappearing back into the house for the rest of the night.

-

“You again? What’s so great about my tap water, anyway?” Rosita decides Nicole isn’t going to drink boring old water today. She pours Nicole a soft drink, sliding it over and promising she won’t tell Rachel about the sugar. Then, she asks, “How is Wynonna Jr. doing, anyway?”

“Which one?” Nicole laughs.

“The one who stole her lip.”

“She’s fine.” Nicole sits in her usual barstool and accepts the soda, observing the bar patrons before returning her attention to Rosita.

“You only come here when you’re anxious.” Rosita puts the glass in her hand down, leaning over the bar. “Now you’re making  _ me  _ anxious.”

“I come here just to see you.” Nicole looks up at her, pursing her lips together to make the perfect smulder. “I’m catching feelings for you, Rosita Bustillos.”

Rosita leans in closer, right in Nicole’s face. “You’re a doofus.”

“Maybe I just wanted a free soda,” Nicole tries again. Yet again, Rosita doesn’t buy it. 

“Yeah, last time I heard that one we talked for like thirty minutes about dating advice. And you didn’t even end up really dating the girl.”

Nicole straightens up, serious now. “Maybe I just enjoy your company.”

“You’re a doofus,” Rosita reminds her. She returns to the glasses she was polishing earlier, hanging them on the upside-down rack behind her. “Had any more run-ins with Holt, or are you guys best friends now? Trauma does that to people, you know.”

“Not these people,” Nicole frowns. “He looked so scared, it was weird.”

“As opposed to his usual ugly grin or ugly frowning. Wow, his face is so punchable, it’s admirable. I dream about it sometimes.”

Nicole chews the straw in her glass. “Me, too.”

“So, what’s next, Haught?”

Nicole looks up at her. “Next for what?”

“Next for you. Doofus.”

“Probably gonna go home and take a nap — ”

“I meant romantically. Or at least, in life.”

“Oh, the big life question. Hmm. I’m coming up blank on Wynonna jokes, so insert one yourself.” Rosita shoots her a look. “No way. I am not ‘putting myself out there’. There is too much going on. I’m focusing on my kids, and nothing else. “

Rosita eyes Nicole, the way she stares into her drink, swirling the contents with the red straw she’s chewed up no different than Peter would. “You still love her, you big dummy.”

The straw stops. “No time for that.”

“You didn’t say no!”

Nicole frowns again, “It’s not like I broke up with her. Gross, I feel like I’m in high school again. Even my kid has better game than me right now! This is so stupid.”

“Would you date her if Champ was out of the picture?”

Nicole frowns, further than before. “If none of these things were happening? Yes. In a heartbeat. Because I’m a big ol’ doofus.”

Then Nicole asks Rosita if she’s planning to kill Champ or something, and Rosita is shrugging ominously before disappearing somewhere else in the bar. 

-

There’s nothing to do other than surf the web, play games, and work on her observational skills. Rachel chooses observation, over the other two. Frankly, it’s more entertaining. Alice stealing snacks from the pantry when she thinks no one is looking. Peter rolling around on his back when he’s feeling bored. Nicole singing horribly off-key to the animals outside. One time, both the kids are screaming and running around the house and Rachel sees Gus sneak in a shot of vodka when she thinks no one is looking. 

Most of all, easily, she notices Waverly hasn’t been around much lately. She had the one talk with Nicole outside the barn, and no one has seen her since. Nicole didn’t say anything about an argument. Actually, she seems to be getting along with Waverly just fine lately. 

Secondly, Rachel notices how  _ upset _ Nicole actually is. They were finally getting along and now Waverly has disappeared. Nicole mentioned Waverly wasn’t feeling well and that was that. What, she’s sad about Waverly having some kind of a cold?

It goes on for a few days. The car pulls up to pick up Julian and Nicole jumps up, before she realizes it’s Champ and slouches back down. Cue a Julian tantrum and some kind of insensitive comment from Champ. 

Then Nicole realizes Gus’s birthday is coming up, and Waverly will be back on the ranch, and suddenly she’s walking high and tall again.

“You should invite Billy over,” Nicole says out of nowhere. Rachel has to look up from her computer screen and ask her to repeat the statement. Invite Billy over, sure. Like Holt hasn’t been hovering over him the way a mama bear would her cub.

Again, Nicole encourages her. “You haven’t seen each other since, um. The  _ thing. _ Come on, it’s Gus’s party. There will be dozens and dozens of people here.”

Truthfully, Billy has been bugging her to hang out. But healing leg and healing shoulder — Rachel figured it wasn’t for the best. Also, maybe she feels a little guilty for staying out and not ordering food to the homestead. Or saying no altogether. She ran away from Billy. She wishes she avoided the dance she already hated, as a whole. They could’ve hung out somewhere, instead.

Some days she wished she never asked Billy out. He would’ve been safer that way. She should’ve switched schools when she had the chance.

Yet, selfishly, Rachel misses him like crazy. He’s her closest friend. They’re  _ together _ now, and she wants something beyond a stupid text message and a stupid Snapchat. 

By the time the event rolls by, he’s at the door, smiling back at her when she answers. It’s a wonderful, butterflies-in-stomach moment, until Nicole says something about Billy and Gus being closer friends than anyone else in the world before disappearing somewhere else in the house. 

The hazing doesn’t stop there. At some point Gus asks Billy if he wants a shot of Fireball, before “remembering” he’s too young and offering a shot of apple juice, before laughing and walking away. Curtis jumps in too, telling Billy he can’t wait for him to get his driver's license when he’s “big and strong”. They tease because they approve. Still, Rachel plans to get revenge later. 

Before long, the house stars piling up with guests, giving Rachel and Billy the perfect chance to sneak away from the teasing. Rachel sees Nicole peek over from time to time to see if she’s okay, but other than this, it’s just the two of them. Catching up.

“How’s your head?” Rachel asks. “There’s no huge, cartoony bump. That’s good.”

“Oh, no way!” Billy yanks his phone out of his leather jacket, a shade of black that eats the light no matter where he stands, opening the camera in a hurry. “Aw man, where’d my huge cartoon bump go?”

He’s the lamest person she’s ever met, Rachel considers, but she laughs regardless. So stupid. He’s so stupid. But she likes him so much. “I’m serious, dummy! How’s your head?”

“It’s okay,” Billy says honestly. “I get headaches all the time, but it’s my neck that’s killing me the most. Holt and Cleo take me to this chiropractor, but it’s not doing anything. The guy’s kind of dumb, if you ask me. What about you? How have you been with your shoulder?”

Rachel puts on the fakest smile she can manage. “It’s great! Every time I move or breathe or exist, my upper back gets angry and tries to kill me.”

“At least it’s not a huge cartoony bump.”

“I have an idea,” Rachel proposes, looking around like they’re going to be caught and her idea is going to be killed instantly. “But your family will hate it.”

“That’s not fair. My family hates everything.”

“Nicole’s — adopted? — um, kind-of sister is a chiropractor in town. She’s really great. She flew through school and excelled at all her training. She works for the best doctor in town. Injuries are their specialty and they’re one of the only, actual,  _ ethical _ doctors in town. Go see Dr. Nedley!”

“Is she the one that taught you that weird — ”

“Yes!”

Billy’s eyes go wide. “Holy crap. Is she gonna teach me cool stuff, too?”

Rachel smiles. “Only if you ask. Sometimes she’ll go on a whole lecture.”

The night continues, the two sitting together and talking about nothing. Everything. Boring things, exciting things. Which teacher in school is the weirdest. Which ones are actually worth a damn. Rachel considers telling him she might be switching schools, but she doesn’t want to change the tone. She just wants to hang out, for once. For the first time in weeks since that driver hit them. For just a minute, she wants to be a  _ teenager _ again.

The pair spot something at the same time, while in between subjects. Something so high school and young and  _ teenager,  _ it makes them both laugh: Waverly and Nicole, being extremely awkward around one another. Billy doesn’t know about their history. Just what’s in front of them. Rachel doesn’t need to see these interactions to know how Nicole feels about Waverly. They don’t even need to talk about it. 

Rachel’s not entirely crazy about Waverly, but she can’t deny Nicole still has feelings for her. She wonders if this is true love between them, or a hell of crushing, unbearable pining on Nicole’s half.

“Nicole and Wynonna’s sister?” Billy asks. “That would be interesting.”

It makes Rachel laugh. He has absolutely no  _ idea _ how interesting things are between them. “I can see that,” she says.

“Your laughter is super sketchy.” Billy frowns, because he knows he’s missing something.

“They used to date.”

Billy’s hand flies over his mouth. “No way.” The hand entirely muffles his words, but it’s still audible. Then he starts to laugh, because now he understands the awkwardness between them is for a million and three reasons. “Holt says Waverly’s been with Champ since the dawn of time.”

“Gross,” Rachel cringes. “But true.”

“So what happened?” Billy’s eyes are wide, and Rachel is surprised he’s actually interested in this kind of gossip. Then again, he is a native Purgatorian.

She figures the night is young and they still have plenty of time. “Waverly and Nicole were friends because of Waverly’s sister. She actually left Champ for Nicole when she finished high school.”

“And then left Nicole for Champ?”

Rachel glares at him. “Let me tell it, please!”

“Okay, okay, fine. My bad.” He gestures for her to go on. 

“Waverly finished high school when she was around sixteen or so. She spent a couple years in college before she stopped things with Champ. Nicole was in school to be a cop. But a few months into them dating, Waverly realized she was pregnant. Totally unplanned.”

Billy’s eyes are wide with anticipation, and Rachel feels like she’s telling a story of her own, with all sorts of twists and turns, and not the same history she’s known for years.

“But Nicole never freaked out. She took on all sorts of jobs to make sure they’d be okay. She finished out her semester, but never actually went back to school.”

“What happened between them, then?” Billy throws his arms in the air, signaling for Rachel’s glaring to stop. “Sorry, sorry, continue.”

“Champ was working in the rodeo circuit and nearly died in one of the shows. Waverly went to see him off, and he asked about Julian. Somehow he knew.”

“Secrets aren’t kept too well in Purgatory.”

Rachel agrees with a nod. “Nicole says Waverly had a difficult history with her father. She named Julian after him. Waverly wanted Julian to have a chance to have his father in his life — even though his father is an idiot — but Champ wanted her back. No Nicole. Those were the terms.”

“Wait, so she kicked Nicole out?”

Rachel nods, and Billy looks like he’s been shot through the head. “So Nicole decided to join the military — fastest way out of town. Wynonna went with her, because her big plans to get out — money from the restaurant — wasn’t working out. She didn’t want to be alone, either. Curtis took over everything and kind of ruined it for her. Nicole says he was a little untrusting of her. Kind of possessive.”

Billy’s eyes follow as Rachel directs his sight to Robin and Jeremy, pouring themselves drinks across the way. To Jeremy, Robin points out the redness in Nicole’s face as she stumbles over her sentence in front of Waverly, and Jeremy starts laughing hard. 

“Jeremy was in the military with them. There was Jeremy’s friend, Xavier Dolls, and Wynonna’s boyfriend-but-not-really, Doc Holliday.” Rachel pauses, in a way that makes Billy look back at her. “My mom was their friend, too. Wynonna stayed with us when she had Alice. She was going to leave the military, but she wanted to work with Nicole one more time. Nicole was getting ready to leave the military. Jeremy left. They deployed my mom and he was watching Alice and I, but — ”

Rachel stops here. She figures Billy can put together the rest; her mother never made it home. Neither did Doc, Dolls, or Wynonna. Just Nicole. Nicole, who adopted Rachel and adopted Alice on Wynonna’s written request. 

“Nicole was already taking classes. She picked up a job as a firefighter, until she realized she couldn’t take care of us on her own. Her hours were too weird. So we moved, and she joined Purgatory’s force. Which, by the way, Waverly’s father was the old chief. Jeremy stayed with us for a little while after we moved back to Purgatory, then he started dating Robin and they moved in together. But the firefighting thing didn’t work out, because — ”

From nowhere, Peter runs back inside from the fields and jumps on the couch, sniffing and licking Billy all over. It’s more than likely he’s thanking Billy for saving him. Not letting his family shoot him. 

Billy scratches him all over as he flops around on the couch. Behind the ears, under his chin, around his neck, between his shoulder blades, and finally his stomach. The stomach being the ultimate sweet spot as Peter wiggles around and groans, his tongue flapping and his eyes carrying a look almost psychotic. 

“It’s good to see you, buddy!” The dog stands up to shake all around, before diving headfirst into Billy’s lap and starting to roll all around again. “You’re such a good boy, Peter.” Billy turns to Rachel, containing the chaos on his left with simple scratches. “I’m so happy you saved him. He looks so happy now.”

“You saved him too,” Rachel corrects. “Holt was ready to shoot him down.”

“Sure, but you took him in! And now he has a place to live and food to eat.” He leaves Peter be, just for a moment. “You’re amazing, Rachel. I mean, all that stuff with your mom you just told me — you’re so cool, Rachel.”

“Well, I think — ”

Rachel doesn’t get to respond, because Peter becomes angry with the lack of attention and starts barking. Billy turns to him, apologizing and continuing to massage his head. 

Peter looks on the two of them, panting. His pink tongue bounces all around as he smiles the widest smile Rachel has ever seen in her life.

-

“Waverly Earp? Last one to leave the party?” Nicole leans on the kitchen island by her elbows, making direct eye contact with Waverly. “Are you feeling alright?”

Waverly accepts the humor from the stool she sits on the other side, absently rubbing her finger around the edge of the glass of water she drinks. Then she’s frowning again, and Nicole realizes she’s deep in thought. Waverly looks away for a moment, searching for something, anything, before looking back at Nicole again. “I don’t really want to go home.”

No humor. Nicole could say a million things about Champ, right now, about how Waverly’s dug her own grave here, but she doesn’t say a thing. She thinks of how much fun they had doing something as boring as unloading hay bales and decides she’s extremely tired of starting fights with Waverly. Very, very, extremely tired. “You should stay the night. It’s late. Julian is tired, anyway.”

Waverly nods, because she’s tired, too. She’s so very, very, extremely, horrendously tired, she can barely form the words. 

She’s just so damn tired.

The kids are settled in for the night. Julian and Alice will share a room, but for now Alice decides to curl up with Nicole on the couch and watch some late night TV. Somehow, Nicole has gotten this young child deeply invested in  _ The Golden Girls. _

Not much time passes before Nicole and Alice have fallen asleep, and Waverly easily begins to tune the program out. She stares at Nicole as she sleeps, before forcing her eyes somewhere else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone call for some exposition
> 
> Pupdate: my sister’s dog is, in fact, a husky-pitbull. Suck my ass, universe
> 
> Apparently, between both of my active fics, it’s just. Chicken joke time. Dig it
> 
> Personally, my dog is the ultimate wingwoman, but also simultaneously the biggest cockblocker--
> 
> Chapter six will be out soon. I’m making a freakin’ comeback, world. Next time, we’ll switch things up and follow Waverly as she goes about her own stresses of life. Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

“There’s nothing wrong with Champ being in his life. If he wants to spend time with Julian, that’s fine.”

Waverly remembers how her expression died.

“Champ doesn’t want me in his life? So what? Where’s he been these past few months?”

Waverly can never forget the look on Nicole’s face. She stared at Waverly, like she was insane. And, damn it, she was. She was the dumbest person alive.

“You are not choosing him over me to solve your own daddy issues.” Nicole stood, outraged, red in the face, fists clenched. “You can’t be serious, Waverly!”

She was, and she did.

Waverly Earp chose boring, loud, obnoxious, lazy Champ Hardy over Nicole Haught. She doesn't know why. How. She wishes Nicole took those clenched fists and slapped sense back into her.

Outside her own home, Waverly Earp stares at the front door. It's six in the evening in winter time, and she's going to freeze to death.

She didn't even know Nicole was in town. The first thing she does is mention a bomb and undoubtedly sends Nicole into a painful spiral. They laughed and talked and went red in the face last night, and Waverly has no idea why. Why, why is Nicole giving her the time of day?

Why on earth does Nicole still care about her?

With a heavy sigh, Waverly enters the house. Her shoulders are sore, exhausted, ready to crack the way she's holding the world on them. She straightens the coat rack, finding it in disarray, and finds Julian's things are missing. She rushes into the family room—Champ’s room, more like—in between the TV and her fiancé.

“Don’t tell me you forgot to pick your son up today.”

Champ gives her an annoyed look, sipping from a beer bottle like a baby. “Of course not.”

“Where are his things, then? Honestly, Champ—”

“He didn’t want to take them off! Not my fault he’s such a freak.”

“Your jacket was in the wrong place! Champ, there’s a certain—” Waverly catches a glimpse of potato chip crumbs on the kitchen counter and runs to clean it off before she blows her own head off. Counter’s supposed to be clear. Not littered with orange bits and pieces. Clear. Not in disarray. 

“Hey, what’s for dinner?”

Waverly ignores him and heads upstairs. If she’s this irritated, her son’s probably ready to scream endlessly into the void. She might join him, honestly. 

Julian sits upright on his bed, jacket on, backpack on, not a perfect strand of his hair on his perfect head unsettled. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t say anything to Waverly. She rushes to take his jacket off, and he screams before smacking her hands away.

“I fixed the rack, sweetheart. It’s okay.” 

Julian doesn’t say anything. He just pouts, staring off and refusing to give her the time of day. 

“Let me take your jacket off, come on. It’s hot inside. Come on, Julian.” He smacks her hands away again, staring at her now. He wants her to go away. He wants everyone to go away so he can be in his own world, his own perfect space where nothing can ever go wrong.

Unfortunately for Julian, Waverly is just as stubborn. And horribly, horribly selfish. She stands up from where she’s knelt by his side, sitting next to him now. Waverly doesn’t look at him, but he looks up at her before facing his attention somewhere else. Neither say anything. They just sit. 

Waverly feels Julian look at her again, before his sight retreats. Then she feels it: a hand, much smaller than hers, reaching for her. Julian holds her hand where it rests on the bed, gently, then, as time passes, he squeezes and Waverly knows it’s okay to start talking. Start bringing him back to the real world. She doesn’t move. She doesn’t even look at him. 

“Did you have fun with Peter today?” Waverly asks the wall. The paint’s coat is perfectly layered. She made sure of it. Julian makes sure not an inch it ever gets chipped. 

“I gave him a cookie,” Julian says. She can hear the pout in his voice. See the angry expression on his face, without even looking. He’s so angry, he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and Waverly wants to hold him close and protect him forever. 

“What kind?”

“Apple cinnamon.”

“That sounds yummy. I bet he liked it.”

“He did. It made him smile.” He pauses, thinking it over. “But a lot of things make him smile, so maybe it wasn’t the cookie. I wish I could ask him.”

“Maybe  _ you _ make him happy.” Waverly stares at the desk, now. Julian picked up her reading habit, dozens of books waiting in neat piles to be explored. Maybe she should get him a proper shelf. “You make  _ me _ happy, Julian,” Waverly adds, in full truth. Julian squeezes her hand harder in response. 

“Can you take my jacket off now?” he asks.

“I sure can.” She removes the backpack, the jacket, the gloves blanketing his fingers, unties the laces on his boots. He thanks her, then he asks Waverly if she wants pasta for dinner.

Next thing she knows, she’s being led downstairs to watch the latest installment of Julian’s private cooking show. He even grants her the honor of starting the oven for him.

Julian moves around the kitchen, explaining every ingredient to Waverly as he makes his way. He’s so passionate about it, so invested, Waverly can’t remember why she was so upset. Why she didn’t want to come home. She thinks Julian has forgotten, too, and they enjoy the meal together before Champ wakes up from his nap. By then, they’re already gone, reading upstairs. 

-

“Hug this for me,” Chrissy instructs, placing a rolled up towel between Waverly’s arms. 

“How many people have hugged this thing today?” Chrissy makes a face at Waverly, unamused. “Fine.”

Chrissy slips one arm behind Waverly, somewhere across her mid-back. She gently pushes Waverly into it, a small and satisfying crunch whispering the great relief Waverly feels instantly. Chrissy takes the towel and gestures to where she sets it aside. “We disinfect these, you critic.”

“I’m sure.”

Chrissy circles back to Waverly’s legs, having her push against Chrissy’s pulling. Right leg. Left leg. “Saw you talking to Haught at Gus's party. Looked real nervous.”

“She just, um, asked me about the Jeep, is all.”

“Oh, Jeeps make you blush now?”

Waverly sits up, glaring at Chrissy. Chrissy tells her to lay down, because she’s not done yet. “You’re the worst,” Waverly declares. 

Chrissy offers her a hand, helping her go face-down next. “I’ll have you know I’m actually quite good. Wow, you’re super boring today. How’s the digestive stuff?”

“Better. That last thing you put me on is working great.”

“Sweet.” Chrissy types something into one of the computers in the room. Then, she asks, “Knee?”

No assistant. Chrissy crosses over and applies electrodes herself, planning on staying and hanging out. Waverly’s here after hours, anyway, technically. “Treatment sucks, but whatever.”

“You’re compensating on your left leg like crazy. Anything else I can do for you? Watch Julian? Force you to take a nap? Punch Champ? Throw him off a bridge?”

“I’m fine.” Waverly says so a little too defensively, so she adds something to deflect. “I just hate hospitals, is all. And cancer. God, I frickin’ hate cancer.”

“Not an unpopular opinion. Understandable. But you are super tense, so try to take it easy, okay? Remember: gratitude is one of the biggest things I find on your meridians. Seriously, if you need to talk, that’s my second job.” She pauses. “First job. Best friend first, best chiro in the world second.”

There’s a million things Waverly wants to talk about. They’d be here for hours. Gratitude by itself will take almost the entire day. But she opts out, using the old “I’m just tired” excuse. Technically it’s true, anyway.

She drags her tired boots out the door, to the hospital parking lot, and then the actual hospital next. Busy hallways, chaos stinking up the air. She walks past the emergency care, staring at a seat in the far corner. It's the same spot every time. Today, a teenager sits in it, holding his elbow tightly and cringing, while his dad unsuccessfully tries to soothe and distract him. 

Soothe. She remembers that night again. When Waverly saw the red hair in that seat, her heart stopped. They’d just told her she has a tumor, but this sight was far, far worse. 

This was Waverly’s heart.

She’s so stupid. She sits here, trapped with her thoughts. She goes home, sitting on the couch long after everyone else has gone to sleep, and she  _ stares.  _ She remembers Nicole the night of the party, the night she’d thrown out her back, all the other times Waverly catches her, napping on Gus’s old couch. It’s the most uncomfortable couch in the world, and Nicole sleeps so easily on it. Nicole was never good at sleep. Constantly running around. Constantly doing something. Waverly recalls watching movies together, trying not to grow annoyed as Nicole tapped her fingers and constantly shifted on the seat.

Waverly misses it like crazy. Nicole always had something to  _ do.  _ She had ambition. She was uncomfortable, but she still took the time to watch movies with Waverly.

Now Champ sits on that same couch every day, constantly hurt by some random new thing, sipping beer and snoring. Waverly wants to burn it. Throw it out. Soak it in bleach and erase his existence from  _ Nicole's _ couch. 

Waverly lays on Nicole’s old spot for the night, drifting into a deep sleep. She dreams of Wynonna, and instantly her next day begins sour. 

-

Cemetery on a Friday morning. The office thinks she's at the dentist. In truth, all Purgatory dentists are too untrustworthy to ever visit. Too weird, even for Purgatory standards.

Waverly doesn’t normally take time off. This is probably the most she’s ever taken off in her life. What else is she supposed to do, sit at home all day? Pretend she’s hurt?

The path is one she's memorized. Sure, she missed the service. Extremely delayed, because no one could wrap their mind around loud mouthed Wynonna Earp actually being  _ dead _ , but she still couldn’t bring herself to do it. Weeks they left Wynonna’s body down there, too afraid to accept the truth. Waverly never bothered to try and accept it at all. 

Waverly has been here dozens of times before. Lately she can’t seem to stay away. One side of this place is her father's grave. Her mother's. Right here, next to her step father and oldest sister who always had a vendetta against her, lies Wynonna Earp. Forever. Eternal resting place. Two Earps deserve this. Not the third. The third was innocent, and every time Waverly comes to this place she feels her bones ready to crumble to ash.

She absolutely hates this place.

It’s the same speech every time. Coming here sucks. Should’ve been someone else. Everything is Waverly’s fault—the only reason Wynonna joined the stupid military was because Nicole was leaving. The only reason Nicole ever left was Waverly. The wonderful, wonderful butterfly effect. 

“Any chance you’ll rise from there and make me a zombie or something so I won’t have to deal with this cancer crap? Help your little sister out.”

Waverly tries to force a laugh, but she can’t. Then she hits the part of the visit where she starts apologizing like crazy. All her fault. Last thing they did was argue about stupid, god damned Champ. And that’s what Wynonna took to the grave—her little sister, too stupid and too stubborn to admit she was wrong. Champ this, Champ that, like the plague he is. 

“I don’t know why I did it. I ask myself every day, Wynonna, and I just don't know why. Why did I just toss Nicole out like that? You used to say I was so smart—so why did I do it? Why did I ever date him at all?”

Waverly loves her son, with everything she has. Sometimes it feels like he’s all she has. But she’d be the happiest person in the world if she never associated herself with Champ. He’s the cattle brand of stupidity and mistakes burned into her skin. He’s in her skin forever, and Nicole is the water she desperately craves to calm the burn.

She let Champ use her own issues with her father against her, and now she’s swimming in an endless sea of misery. 

She’s never seen the ocean . . .

Sometimes she considers she’s insane; some type of sadist who loves the burn and the searing pain and never, ever wants it to stop.

“Can you imagine if Julian was Nicole’s?” Waverly starts to full on sob now; she can’t help it. “No wonder you didn’t trust me with Alice—Nicole was right!”

Waverly stares at the stone, and the longer she stares the angrier she becomes. Why can’t Wynonna get up and say something? Why can’t she be here, by Waverly’s side? Is that really so much to ask for? Her sister, by her side just once more?

“I miss you so much.” 

She won’t say she loved her, because she killed her. Waverly killed Wynonna. She’s the reason Wynonna was out in the field, and she’s the reason the truck was blown up, engulfed in flames, stranded. They were her flames. Her flames flipped that truck over. Her flames alone burned her sister to death. Her flames stopped Nicole from bringing Wynonna back to life. 

Destruction. Waverly is destruction. She should run off, run into the woods forever, before she ruins her son's life next—or rather, any further. She should now, before she destroys her own niece. Rachel. Gus. What’s left of Nicole.

Waverly buries her head in her hands. “Wynonna, I miss her so much. I don’t know what to do.”

But she'll never have Nicole again. She’s too destructive.

Nicole was here for weeks, and she didn’t even notice. Wynonna’s voice echoes in her mind.  _ Baby girl, you are so fucking stupid. Why are you doing this to yourself?  _ Wynonna was never mean to her. Not once. Not until then, when Waverly pushed her, destructive and flammable and ready to explode and shred everything to nothing. 

She leaves the cemetery, returning to the destruction she’s built and learned to call life.

-

“You have to stop with the glasses, Champ.”

He looks at her, for once, only to make a face. “Why do you like interrupting my hockey?”

“Green glasses on the left, blue on the right, and clear up front. Not green up front, not—”

For the first time in his life, Champ gets off the couch. “I’m going to Shorty’s. You’re so fucking overdramatic. I just want to watch my game, is that so much to ask?”

As soon as the door slams, Julian rushes downstairs. Julian, who doesn’t normally watch TV, asks Waverly if they can watch a movie. There's a grin on his face so wide, Waverly can’t help but frown at the reason behind it. 

Julian sits in Nicole’s old spot. 

Waverly thinks about the glasses all night. The jacket hooks. Is she overdramatic, if she’s asked him a million times? Is she crazy? They’re simple tasks. Her seven-year-old can achieve them without complaining. 

Her seven-year-old laughs from where he sits on the couch, and the sound makes Waverly loosen up. Feel like smiling, actually. She focuses on the movie, investing herself in it the more and more Julian laughs and smiles. 

-

Waverly's head is spinning. She's pulled over twice, threw up once. She enters the ranch, sweating, and Gus makes her sit down and kills her plan of grabbing Julian and running away into the night. Nicole appears with water and a knowing look, but Waverly can't do it. She doesn't know why. She never knows why. She's not going to tell Gus. Not yet. Who knows when.

Eventually Gus disappears for the night, declaring Waverly needs to stay, and settles the kids in before turning in, herself.

Leaving her with Nicole, awkwardly sitting like they always seem to be. Nicole doesn't mention it. Waverly knows she needs to tell Gus.There’s a lot of things Waverly needs to do. 

Not right now. Everything is just too much right now, and she's too tired to keep up. The dog appears and sits next to Waverly, offering his support. It isn't the first time she's felt like this. But  _ damn it _ , it feels awful. Finally the rest of her feels as awful as her heart does every time she sees red hair. She considers paying Peter to summon his inner wolf and rip her to pieces.

“Rachel is considering making you kombucha,” Nicole says out of nowhere. “It’s basically liquid death, so good luck.”

One arm rests over the edge of the couch, Waverly’s cold hand pressed to her hot face. “That’s sweet,” Waverly mumbles. Nicole reminds her to drink some water, and Waverly is too ill to refuse the kindness; she obeys.

Then Nicole is disappearing and reappearing with a blanket, and Waverly is ready to burst into tears again. She notices Nicole is chatty, telling her about the pigs and what they did today. Then she realizes Nicole is trying to keep her distracted. Waverly can opt out anytime, but she won’t. She wants to hear Nicole's voice. 

“What did Julian do today?” Waverly asks. She gets an answer. He helped out with the pigs, until it was time to shovel pig crap. Then he disappeared with Alice and the dog. He went inside and read about nutrition with Rachel. Told Gus it’s important to watch her sodium levels. Caught Curtis napping in the barn. 

Nicole asks, when Waverly seems more alive, “How was your day?” It totally throws Waverly off. When was the last time someone asked her this?

She tries to give a short answer, because she’s not really sure how to answer. Paperwork. Then she remembers someone used a sticky note stack with a design on it. Throughout the day, the logo printed between the notes became more and more illegible. Waverly couldn't get any work done—it drove her crazy staring at it. But she stops herself. “That is so overdramatic, I’m sorry.”

Nicole’s face scrunches up, confused. “Why would that be overdramatic? You have OCD. That must’ve  _ killed _ you.”

Nicole says it so casually, so easily, with such understanding, it blindsides Waverly. No snark. She doesn't even look annoyed by it. The idea Waverly is inconveniencing someone doesn’t leave anyone’s lips, because no one thinks it’s a thing.

When Waverly gets home the next Saturday morning, she finds beer bottles everywhere. Jacket didn't even make it to the hook. Julian runs upstairs but Waverly doesn't move. It's like an atomic bomb has gone off.

She's an atomic bomb, ready to destroy everything in her path. First thing Champ does when he sees her is complain he had to get his own dinner last night.

“Shut up, Champ.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re in a mood.” He reaches for the remote, to turn up the volume, but Waverly grabs it first and throws it somewhere else. “Okay, what the hell?”

“Your jacket doesn't belong on the floor, you lazy idiot.”

“What the hell, Waverly? I have a shoulder problem. You could help me out a—”

“I have  _ cancer _ , Champ.” This is how she tells him, and he barely flinches. “Hasn’t stopped me from doing anything. It’s a simple jacket, is that so bad? All you do all day is sit down—why can’t you just hang the stupid jacket up?” 

She feels some kind of a fire, burning deep within her stomach, and she doesn’t want it to go away. Waverly sees the confused expression on Champ’s face turning to anger, and it only furthers her. 

She’s ready to destroy.

“Jesus, can you chill out about the jacket? What’s this about cancer, anyway? Not that it’s as bad as being thrown off a bull.”

“It’s nothing like a bull. It is so  _ much _ worse. You are a child, Hardy James, a literal child, and it is killing me. I am so tired—it’s a friggin’ jacket!”

“What is your problem?” 

It’s a question Waverly answers with her entire chest. She doesn’t know where any of this is coming from, but she’s not stopping. She can’t stop now. She feels like she can’t breathe, and she’ll never be able to breathe until she removes this self-inflicted curse from her life. This leech, this parasite from her chest. “You are my problem! When was the last time you got off your ass and did something useful around here?”

“I’m injured!”

“You always seem to be hurt, with no real progress. When was the last time you even went to a  _ doctor _ about these things? I told you to go to Chrissy. Did you actually do that?”

He completely blows the question off. “It’s a slow process, Waverly. It was a fucking bull—”

“The only thing slowing you down is you.”

The sentence echoes in her mind. She thinks back to what she said earlier. Waverly won’t let cancer slow her down—but she can go ahead and slow herself down? Let Champ do it? Why is she doing this to herself?

_ Baby, girl, you are so fucking stupid. _

Waverly is slowing herself down, so drastically she’s going to stop forever. She thinks of the engagement ring she’s had for years now.  _ Years _ . 

“We’re done. I’m not doing this anymore.”

Hastily, she packs an overnight bag for her son. Weekend at Gus’s. On the drive over, she doesn’t think about the house. How wide Julian is grinning right now. How happy he’s going to be, from now on. 

Waverly thinks of Nicole.

Waverly thinks of Nicole, and she laughs into the morning sky.

-

“Well, you can move in here. Nicole’s leaving soon.” Waverly tries to ignore the wide grin on Gus’s face. Finally, the thing she’s been praying for, for years, is happening.

Waverly Earp has left Champ Hardy.

They weren’t married. Nothing was on paper. Everything they own, even Champ’s car, is under Waverly’s name because Waverly is the only one with money. He wasn’t even there when Julian was born, and he’s never bothered to care about the child anyhow. There is no risk, no worry, and Waverly wants to kick herself. This was so easy. It was so  _ easy _ . She’s  _ buzzing _ about it. Why didn’t she do this years ago? Why is she so stubborn?

Why was she so stupid?

Gus already has her old room upstairs ready. The kids are borrowing it for now, but with Rachel doing better, Nicole is ready to move back out to the homestead. But someone else far more excited already beat her to the curb.

“No need, Gus. Chrissy said, and I quote, ‘I have two guest bedrooms for a reason.’ We’ll be okay. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.”

Gus pulls Waverly into the warmest hug she’s felt in years. She says something about how Waverly’s wings are finally free, and she can’t wait to see where she’s flying to. Waverly gets a horrible chill down her spine, thinking about what might happen with this tumor, and she tells Gus she and Julian need to finish moving back in. 

Chrissy’s house is lovely. By Purgatory standards, she’d be considered one of the richest people in town. By normal people standards, it’s just a regular two-story house with a decent backyard. Julian inspects the entire building, holding Waverly’s hand in his left and one of his books in the other. He turns his nose at Chrissy’s office, shaming her for the chaos and all the loose papers. She promises to straighten up.

Waverly holds her breath when they enter what will be Julian’s new room. There is no way they’re moving in with Gus—he hates the rooms in that house. If he hates this one, she doesn’t know what they’ll do. Where they’ll go. Julian certainly won’t stay somewhere he doesn’t like. The only reason he put up with Champ was because he loved his old room.

She watches as he looks around. He lets go of Waverly’s hand, looking around the room for himself. He comments he can move his desk in this corner, put his LEGO sets in this one. Then he pauses, staring at a large bookshelf already waiting for him.

“This is a very nice room,” Julian concludes, and Waverly practically does a flip when he says so. Chrissy stays composed, though Waverly can see in her eyes she’s ready to flip, as well. They actually impressed Julian.

“Want to stay here, bud?” Chrissy asks. “It’s all yours.”

“Can I keep the bookshelf?” he asks. He is stern, ready to argue if the need arises. There’s no need at all.

“It’s all yours, bud. Do you like the color?”

He nods. “You have good taste.”

“Will you help me straighten out my office later?”

Julian smiles and promises he will, before grabbing Waverly’s hand and moving into the next room. Next to her, Chrissy points and laughs.

“Haha, I’m putting your son to work!”

It’s such a nice house, Waverly doesn’t know what to do with herself. She’s been here before. She’s spent the night. But she’s never imagined actually living here. Chrissy tells her it’s hers as long as she wants, even if she wants it forever. Anything away from Champ—and Waverly agrees. Chrissy says she’s proud of her, before leaving her to unpack her things and take in the new atmosphere. 

The dark brown wood of the cabinet matches Waverly’s new bed, coupled with a perfect dark blue setting of the room, including the curtains. The two guest bedrooms connect to a single bathroom, where Julian is already unpacking his toothbrush. The bathroom is a sea theme, a theme Julian picked out himself years ago. 

They’ve never been to the ocean. They should go some day.

Julian wiggles his toes in the fuzzy mat in the center of the two sinks, smiling before looking around some more. The beige tiles. The marble counter that mimics sand on a shore and the sea shell-shaped sinks. The giant shower curtain with a single anchor pattern on it. The shark-shaped toothbrush holder. He looks so happy, so carefree, like he’ll never be on the edge ever again in his life.

Waverly wants to laugh, to call herself names and lock herself away somewhere. It took a real tumor in her knee for her to realize there was a tumor in her son’s life she desperately needed to remove.

-

Despite the fancy new living space, Waverly seems to spend more time around the ranch. Checking in with Gus. Doing her finances here because she “likes the energy of the house”. Rachel knows what she’s doing, and she doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. 

Nicole’s supposed to be Waverly’s rebound? After all that time?

But it’s what Nicole would want.

Still, when Waverly approaches her after visit number four, Rachel feels like she needs to play the defensive. She likes Waverly. Nicole does, too. But she gets the feeling she needs to be on edge, and she knows she needs to trust her gut. Waverly doesn’t get to trash Champ after so long and come running back to Nicole.

Waverly isn’t even sure what she’ll say to Nicole. She considers leaving it be. She’s caused Nicole enough trouble. She feels like she’d be using her, running back to her after so long and throwing everything sour between them away like it never happened. 

But she just wants to  _ talk _ . She wants to extend the branch, to start somewhere, to address the things between them. Waverly finds Rachel, approaching her and trying to feign interest in something nutrition based to get her attention. Rachel isn’t stupid. She knows why Waverly is here, and she isn’t particularly welcoming to it.

“Things didn’t go too great with Dr. Pressman,” Rachel says from nowhere, cutting Waverly off. Waverly’s slightly thankful, because she’s not really sure what she was saying, anyhow. “Nicole’s focused on her own life right now.”

She feels like a mean girl, like that stupid girl at school that keeps messing with her, but she stands her ground against whatever it is Waverly’s trying to do.

Waverly’s a nice girl. But Rachel doesn’t want to see Nicole get hurt again. 

All she gets in response is a small nod. Then Waverly’s peeking outside a moment, before smiling awkwardly at Rachel and walking off. She’s not even sure what she was trying to do. She just wants to talk to Nicole.

Time passes, as it always seems to. Within a couple days Nicole is packing everything up to move back to the homestead. All the kids are at school, and Gus is somewhere in town. Waverly doubts Curtis isn’t napping in one of the barns. She finds Nicole, easily, packing up the mess Alice has made in her borrowed room, little clothes strewn all over the ground. 

“Need help moving?” Waverly wants to scream. What is she doing here? What is she trying to do with Nicole?

Why does it have to be  _ anything _ at all? Why can’t they just be casual friends?

(Maybe a huge part of Waverly doesn’t want to be friends.)

“If you could get Peter to calm down a little, that would be great.” Nicole sounds frustrated; Alice didn’t make this mess. “He doesn’t want his stupid ball or anything and every time I let him outside, he turns around. He’s got all this pent up energy.” Nicole slams one of Alice’s shirts back into the bag on the ground, Waverly guesses for a second or third time. 

Waverly doesn’t respond. No “yes”, no “no”. She nods, even though Nicole isn’t looking, and she makes her way downstairs, where Peter is rolling on his back, destroying a toy dragon in his possession. She watches him for a bit. At first he pauses at the new presence, before flipping on his stomach and continuing to chew into the toy. That’s when Waverly swoops in and steals it. 

They play tug-of-war, Peter and his crazy look in his eye and Waverly promising she won’t lose to a dog. She wins, and she lures Peter outside, where she throws the toy and makes him run out some of his energy. Back and forth they go, Peter happily grabbing the dragon over and over and patiently waiting for her to throw as far as she can. One time, she drops it in front of her to confuse him, and Peter circles back with a horribly confused expression on his face. Nicole shares the same expression when she comes downstairs to find them, outside—the exact place the dog refused to go when she opened the door for him.

“You’re good,” she says, smiling, and Waverly can’t help but return the same expression.

She helps load all the kids’ things into Nicole’s truck, once again complimenting the color. Somewhere along the line—Waverly has no idea where—Nicole is inviting her down to the homestead. She may need more assistance with Peter.

“I’ll pay you with the chocolate stash I hide from my kids.”

Waverly grins, “Deal.”

It’s odd seeing the homestead again after so many years away. Waverly last lived here with Nicole and Wynonna, before things happened between them. Before  _ she _ happened between them. 

Peter bursts from the backseat the second Nicole opens the door, forcing her to panic and yank on the leash. Peter continues pulling and pulling, strong enough to make Nicole lose balance as she tries to collect some of the bags in the backseat.

Quickly, Waverly grabs the leash from Nicole’s grasp, giving Peter some ground before she gains full control. “Peter! Sit down, right now!”

The dog looks back on her from where he’s focused on the house, smiling and panting despite the crimes he’s committing right now.

“Bad boy,” Waverly says again. “Come on.” She leads him back, farther away from the house, past the back of the truck. He looks back on the house, before looking at the stern expression in Waverly’s eyes. His eyes begin to dart around, nervous he’s done something wrong. “Sit down, Peter.”

He listens, and Waverly tells him he’s good. He jumps back to his feet, excited, but Waverly has him sit again. After a minute of playing the statue game, she leads Peter, much calmer now, back into the house. Then she returns to help Nicole unload the rest of the bags.

“What the hell, Earp?” Nicole asks. “When did you become the dog expert?”

Waverly grins, feeling cocky. She could brag about this all day, and now she has something to tease Nicole with, forever. “Curtis fostered a whole litter he found after you guys enlisted. I was staying with them and I helped. Puppies are evil, you know.”

Nicole glares at the house, managing to find Peter behind the walls. “They sure are.”

“You’ve never really been a dog person, anyhow.” Waverly grabs one of the bags in front of Nicole, smirking up at her. “But I can always give you pointers.”

Then she’s off, back into the homestead, leaving Nicole and her dumb thoughts outside. 

Nicole chases after her, kicking the car door shut and running into the house. “Wait, show me,” she says. “I can never get that stupid mutt to listen to me. Mostly he just runs around all day until he’s too tired to be stubborn.”

“That’s an effective strategy,” Waverly laughs. “But you need to spend time with him, not send him on his way. He’s bored. You have to play with him, not just send him on his way.”

Nicole follows Peter around the house, attempting to show Waverly the commands Rachel has given to him. “He listens so perfectly with her,” Nicole grumbles. 

“Don’t let him think he’s in charge.”

Waverly demonstrates, taking a toy from him and telling him to stay when he tries to wrestle it out of her hand. Peter sits still, looking at Waverly with wide eyes until she sets the dragon back on the floor for him to pounce on. She demonstrates again, telling Peter to stay before she grabs the toy and sets it somewhere else, having him sit completely still until she tells him to go grab it.

“He’s a smart dog,” Waverly says. She nudges Nicole, urging her to go next. “You just have to trust him.”

Nicole takes a breath, before stomping over to Peter and accidentally scaring the life out of him as she commands loudly, “Peter, sit!” 

Waverly laughs. She can’t help it. “Don’t scare him!”

“I didn’t scare him!”

“You did scare him!” 

Peter looks directly at Nicole, as if to agree. 

“I hate dogs,” Nicole mumbles, grabbing the toy from the ground and offering it as a truce to Peter. He cautiously takes it, slowly approaching her with lowered ears before grabbing it and running to another part of the room. 

“Now,  _ nicely _ ask him to sit and drop the toy.”

The dog takes note of Nicole as she walks over, pausing before diving right back into his prophetic duty of murdering this stuffed dragon. She pauses in front of him, letting him focus on what he’s doing, before telling Peter to stay. He looks at her, confused, but he lets her take the toy from where it rests on top of both his paws.

“Stay there, Peter.”

Nicole holds eye contact as she takes a couple steps back, placing the dragon on the ground. She holds one finger up, signaling Peter to stay where he is. He stares at her finger, mesmerized, until she puts it down and calls him. Then he’s racing over, full speed, tackling the little dragon and resuming his violent slaughter of the innocent thing.

From one of the bags piled by the door, Waverly grabs one of Peter’s treats. “Give him one, Nicole.”

Nicole takes the jerky from Waverly’s hands, immediately getting Peter’s attention, his beloved dragon forgotten forever. He sits perfectly, extending his paw when asked. He takes the beef and runs back to his dragon, chewing it to nothing before resuming his day job of showing this dragon who’s boss.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Nicole admits. 

“See?” Waverly asks. “There’s hope for you yet.”

Nicole shakes her head. She really never thought she’d have a stupid dog in her house, and yet. “I guess I owe you that chocolate now, huh?”

Waverly shrugs. “Don’t worry about it.” She heads outside, back to her own car and back to her own life. “I’ll see you around, Haught.”

Following her out the door, Nicole nods. “I’ll see you around, Earp.”

They pass each other by as time crawls on. Julian cooking everyone a giant meal at the ranch. Waverly picking him up every day now. Waverly visiting every Saturday, claiming she wants to give Chrissy her own space. 

It’s been weeks, and Julian hasn’t had a single episode. He’s the happiest he’s ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck yeah baby, leave his useless ass
> 
> Fun fact: I wrote this entire chapter in one sitting LATE on a Saturday night (from 1AM to 6AM godspeed). It really flowed and I like this point in Waverly’s journey in this story. 
> 
> I know the timelines regarding Wynonna’s death and where Nicole was and what Nicole was doing are a little funky, that’s on me. Done goofed. Always make a detailed outline, kids!
> 
> What’s going to happen next? Waverly’s got the same questions. Tune in next time, very soon--chapter 7 is already done ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I know this story is a tough one, but it was in my head and it demanded to be brought into the world. We’re getting into the final few, here. I appreciiiaattee eevvereryy siinnggllee oooonnee of yooouuuu


	7. Chapter 7

“Welp, looks like you’re fired.” Chrissy helps Rachel off the treating table, sitting her up. “You got so boring, I’m tossin’ you out.” Chrissy pauses, to smile at her. “You are done with chiro treatment, congrats.”

“This is your fault,” Rachel says, shrugging. “You’re too good.”

“It’s a curse,” Chrissy considers. “The muscle atrophy from the surgery wasn’t as bad as I was anticipating. Luckily you were muscular before they went in there and tore everything up. You can keep doing exercises if you want, but you don’t have to. Pressman says you’re almost done over there, too, so stick with her for now. Want one last roller table?”

Rachel practically runs to the end of the office, settling on the new table. Chrissy tells her to enjoy her nap before she and Nicole regroup in one of the rooms. There’s no appointment for Nicole, but Chrissy insists on checking her out while she’s here. 

“Now I have no excuse,” Chrissy says as she tests the strength in Nicole’s legs. “I _have_ to do my stupid orthopedic homework now.”

Nicole laughs, “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy that stuff, you nerd.”

“Maybe.” She has Nicole lay on her side, adjusting her at her hip with a satisfying crunch. “I might start looking into doing impairment ratings, too. The big bucks.”

“Nerd!”

“I could snap your neck right now, you know. No one would have to know.”

“Alice is too much of a tattletale to let that one go.” Maybe not, because when they both look at Alice, she’s so engrossed in the phone in her hand she doesn’t even notice her name being called. Sounds like she’s watching dog videos for new tricks to teach Peter.

“Pressman’s been a great help with all this stuff,” Chrissy says. She checks out Nicole’s neck before having her go face-down, next. “Have you been keeping up with her lately? Or should I put the wedding bells away?”

Thinking about Shae puts so much guilt into Nicole, she barely notices as Chrissy stretches her neck out to the side. “I haven’t. Haven’t really thought about it, either. I mean, I told her I’m not going through with it, but I still feel b—God, fuck you!”

Of course Chrissy distracted her while doing her least favorite manipulation, pressing her into the table with her neck stretched to the side. Nicole swears she hears her _laughing_ , too. 

“Maybe I should date Shae, just to tell her how horrible you are,” Nicole declares. She ignores the enormous relief of pressure in her neck—this is war. 

“I just don’t like thinking about you being alone, Nicole.” Chrissy helps her sit up. “Yes, you have the kids, but it’s just you. Eventually they’ll get big and move on.”

“I’m fine,” Nicole promises, though it feels sour on her tongue. “They’re all I need. Even after they get big.”

“You’re too much of a puppy dog to settle on just those kids.” Chrissy smiles in a way that tells Nicole she should smack her now, before it’s too late. “And maybe a horndog, too.” Then Chrissy’s running away, to some other part of the office. 

“I should graffiti the life out of this place,” Nicole mumbles.

Moments later, Rachel finishes her own therapies and meets Nicole and Alice outside. They’ve arrived in two separate cars. Lately Rachel’s been trying to rebuild her confidence being in a car—it’s taken a while so far not to feel completely terrified—but Nicole knows the real reason she’s decided to go on her own today. 

Rachel can’t run fast enough before Nicole tells her, “Don’t get too lost in smooching, we’re having tacos at Gus’s tonight!”

-

There’s something about this part of town Rachel can’t stand. The smell? The weird people that stare at her while she drives? Not like her car from the 90s is anything too fancy. Or anything completely safe, probably. Thing sounds like it’ll roll over and die at any moment. She pulls up at the Clanton’s diner, and suddenly she remembers her disdain. But she said she’d meet Billy here, so she’ll soldier on in. 

She finished up at Chrissy’s earlier than she anticipated; Billy isn’t done with his shift yet. He calls her over to a table he just finished bussing, and she tries to ignore Holt’s glare and the cartoon steam coming out of his ears at the sight of her. Rachel almost wants to smile at him, just to see if she can make him madder. Maybe he’ll just burst into flames.

“I’ll get you something to eat,” Billy says. “On the house!” 

He scurries off to the kitchen, though Rachel notes he’s having some difficulty grabbing the tray full of dishes. Visible discomfort, a stutter in his step when he walks. Holt’s not taking care of him, all because of some stupid family rivalry thing, and it makes Rachel furious. But Billy’s a minor, so his case management belongs to his siblings, the next adults in charge of him.

After getting her food, Rachel watches Billy navigate throughout the diner. Stopping to stretch his shoulder out. Turning his neck side to side, sometimes rubbing at the back of his shoulder and parts of his mid-back while he’s at it. Time to time he’ll stop and stretch out his formerly broken leg, slowly. 

By the time Billy’s shift is over and he’s free to join Rachel, he looks exhausted, like his shift’s been going on for days without end. 

“Holt and Cleo seem to think you’re pretty, too,” he says. He steals one of the fries Rachel has yet to touch. “They just can’t stop staring at you.”

“Gotta love that family drama.” Rachel doesn’t, actually. She hates it with a passion, because it’s the dumbest thing she’s come across in this town. And there are a lot of weird, dumb things in this town Rachel’s come across. “What’s the deal with their fighting, anyway? Old business partners? Wynonna graffiti Holt’s car or something?”

Billy looks shocked, like this isn’t some secret. Like it’s the biggest story in Purgatory, and Rachel’s the only fool who isn’t in on it. She’s never asked Nicole, because she’s never really cared. Now she’s just morbidly curious, the way Holt’s staring at her hoping she’ll drop dead any minute. “Wynonna Earp,” comes the answer, and Rachel feels dumb for not knowing. Of course it’s related to Wynonna Earp.

“So she did graffiti his car!”

“Worse,” Billy says. “She was with Cleo for a while. Only Wynonna didn’t think they were dating, when Cleo did. Cleo was devastated. Now Wynonna’s gone, so Holt takes out his anger on Nicole.”

“Closest thing,” Rachel figures. He could go after Waverly, but Waverly’s the literal town-certified nicest person around and he’ll get sour looks. Nicole is less of a risk. 

All of this anguish because Wynonna was a bad “girlfriend”. Aren’t they native Purgatorians? Isn’t that old news around here? Next to water being wet? It’s so pointless it makes Rachel want to burst into laughter, right here, and tease Holt until he gets mad and leaves his own diner. 

The opportunity leaves her, and Rachel finds herself following Billy out the building, driving them to one of their spots around town. Today it’s the spot in the open field of a farm no longer owned. The family took what little riches they had and moved on to somewhere else in life. Farm work is hard. Not for everyone. She doesn’t really blame them—she avoids the ranch in the hopes Nicole won’t put her to work. Nicole wouldn’t force her to. But Rachel would feel obligated to help.

Green stretches as far as her eyes can see, interrupted only by the gold that surrounds the brown fence of this forgotten property. Sometimes they sneak into the empty house, but the weather is getting warmer and it’s too lovely a day to pass up. 

They’re mid conversation about the girl who snuck her cat into chemistry class when Rachel begins to notice how upset her stomach is. She noticed it earlier, but the enzymes she took should’ve eradicated the problem. Broke everything down for her to digest. She didn’t have anything out of the ordinary today. There’s the protein shake she’s been using every day without issue, the same eggs she and Nicole buy all the time, the burger she had at—

The Clantons are supposed to be using grass fed beef. Corn is the only thing in the world that makes Rachel’s stomach feel like this. Which means . . .

“Hey, are you feeling alright?” Billy looks at her from the patch of grass he’s chosen to lay on, but Rachel can’t look back. She raises, all the way up until she’s on her feet again. 

“Cleo and Holt are lying. Your food isn’t grass fed, is it? It’s corn!”

The expression on Billy’s face doesn’t do a convincing job of arguing her accusation. Which means he knew about it the whole time, too. “It’s what our supplier uses, Rachel. Ever since my mom died, we haven’t had much luck running the ranch ourselves.”

“Why are you so cool about this? Don’t you care that they’re lying to everyone?”

There’s no real reaction or response to that. Rachel starts to leave, and only then is Billy quick to wrestle himself off the ground. “You can’t tell Nicole! Rachel, stop!”

She does stop, only to turn on her heels and eye Billy with all the anger she has. “You can’t seriously be trying to convince me to let this go? This is really messed up, Billy!”

“Rachel, if you tell her, you’re going to ruin my family!”

“You’re _lying_ to people, Billy! What if someone like me eats there and ends up even worse off? People are trusting you!” She begins to walk off, before stopping and facing Billy once more. “And for the record, your lies are hurting _my_ family. We’re done, Billy.”

She doesn’t bother worrying about Billy or how he’s going to get home. Rachel storms off to her car and takes off for the ranch. 

The entire drive, all she can seem to do is see red. All throughout the restaurant, the Clantons brag about being grass fed. Being the healthiest option in town. They give some fake process across an entire wall of how they prepare their beef, and every letter and every picture up there is a lie. 

Rachel sees the truth behind this rivalry—the Clantons are liars. Cheaters. The Earps need to defeat them before the Clantons can spread more mistruths. 

Nicole doesn’t listen to her when she arrives at the ranch. She’s too busy with Julian and Alice and Waverly in the kitchen, cooking something Rachel can’t pay attention to just now. Nicole tells her she doesn’t have to hang out here; they’ll all go back home soon. 

Rachel leaves without another word. What, now Nicole is _ignoring_ her? She has the most valuable possible information and Nicole’s just going to ignore her? They’re supposed to have each other’s backs and Nicole’s going to ignore her for some woman that screwed her over years ago?

There’s a knock at her door an hour later, but Rachel doesn’t want to answer it. Her phone notifies her she has a new email, but she doesn’t want to answer that, either. She puts her headphones in, drowning out the world in the hopes it’ll finally leave her alone.

-

“Hey, um, so Rachel’s kind of mad at me.”

Waverly gives Nicole a face, like this is the strangest thing Nicole’s ever said. 

“No, it’s-it’s my fault. I think she was trying to tell me something the other day and I completely blew her off. I’m stupid—anyway, I had an idea of how to cheer her up, but I need your help. And, um, if you and Julian want to join us, you’re welcome to.”

Horses. Nicole wants to hit up one of Curtis’s cousins and go horseback riding. She claims it’s one of Rachel’s favorite things about Purgatory, but they never get to go. So Waverly promises she’ll set them up. 

As soon as Nicole tells Rachel where they’re going, she finally exits her room. Takes off the headphones she’s been wearing nonstop for days now. Whatever’s bothering her, she can never say no to a day of horseback riding. She looks up at Nicole, almost like she’s considering talking to her again, before she returns to Full Teenager Mode and storms off. 

Either way, making progress. 

They leave Peter with his favorite dragon, ignoring the sad look on his face as they all leave out the door. Alice promises they’ll be back soon, before asking Nicole if she’s sure the horses won’t like him. He’s really friendly! Then Nicole tells her some horses are allergic to dogs, and Rachel has to stifle laughter to keep the lie realistic. 

Nicole is always stunned to see Cletus, the cousin to Curtis, and his identical face. They’re ten years apart, yet they look like twins. They even have the same haircut, as if someone simply cloned Curtis and threw a perfect knock off name on him. 

They acquaint themselves with the horses, two giants the three have only seen three or four times since they arrived in Purgatory. The shire seems to remember Rachel, allowing her to approach him with no fuss. He looks excited, even. Nicole has Alice ride with her, leaving Rachel to enjoy herself, and the three are off, taking Rachel’s lead throughout the property. 

Cletus has a side of the country Nicole is infinitely jealous of. Every inch of the land is gorgeous. So gorgeous, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. The man raises horses, the types of horses that end up in the rodeo or end up racing. Back in the day, the police department owned a few of his horses, too. It was one of the first things Sheriff Clayborn removed when he took office. 

A pond greets them midway through the extensive trails, and Nicole decides they should take a break here. Alice practically jumps off the horse and runs to chase the ducks wandering around. Rachel sits with her, watching the creatures Alice can’t scare as they float around in the water, seemingly enjoying themselves. Rachel wonders what a duck would even _have_ to be stressed out, anyway. She glances over at Nicole, who catches her eye and gives her a small smile before putting her attention back on her borrowed horse. 

Making progress. 

Rachel focuses on the ducks. Alice starts pointing them out, asking Rachel what she thinks their favorite colors might be. The one on the far, far left—Alice is convinced he likes purple. Maybe even a darker shade of blue. Rachel plays along, the soft wind brushing her hair, slicking it back, and she becomes so focused on this simple and easy game she doesn’t realize Waverly and Julian have arrived until Julian appears on the scene and questions whether or not ducks can actually have a favorite color. 

She finds Nicole and Waverly. Off to the side. This is supposed to be a family day together and Nicole is blowing her off again to talk to Waverly. 

Rachel storms off to the shire and rides off without saying anything. 

“Rachel, wait for us!”

She doesn’t listen to Nicole. If Nicole really wanted to spend time with her, she’d spend time with her in person, not from a distance. 

“I’ll get back to you on which trail to take,” Waverly says. “I’ll go get her.”

Nicole tries to stop her, to take responsibility, but Waverly reminds Nicole she’s only been riding horses a couple times. Not all her life. The only person who knows this place better than Waverly is the owner. Nicole watches as she rides off, calling after Rachel.

Waverly calls out to her, asks her to slow down, to stop, to come back to the pond. Rachel doesn’t care. She makes a sharp left at the last second and briefly throws Waverly off the trail, before Waverly makes a recovery and returns to Rachel’s heels. Asking her once again to stop, no different from a criminal running from the law. 

Then Waverly says something about Rachel worrying Nicole and Rachel finds herself pulling the horse to a complete stop. If he were a car, his brakes would be screeching against the dirt below them both. Waverly has to slow down immediately, running off to Rachel’s left so as not to hit her. Rachel exits the horse, and Waverly does the same with hers. 

Rachel’s going to worry Nicole. Okay. Sure. Rachel’s the one stressing Nicole out. 

“It was late that night,” Rachel says. There’s no context behind it, no reason, and Waverly easily is left with confusion. But Rachel’s so full of anger, looks so completely disagreeable, Waverly doesn’t say or do anything. She just goes along with whatever this is in the hopes Rachel’s just being a stupid teenager. Maybe she is—but Waverly’s the last person who can say anything about the impulsive decisions of younger people. 

Waverly stands completely still, waiting for Rachel to finish this off so they can finally leave. Rachel almost wants to keep the silence, to spite her. 

Yet, she continues. “It was late, and it was raining like crazy, and Alice was driving me up the wall about some stupid bag of potato chips she thought I ate. We were arguing. We were yelling at each other about the stupid chips, and Nicole came home. Something happened at her job, and she was too late to do anything about it. But all I wanted to do was argue with Alice. I hated her, and I hated Purgatory. I wanted to go home.”

Waverly looks like she’s going to take a step forward, try and comfort Rachel, but she decides against it. Keeping her distance and giving Rachel space. 

“Nicole got overwhelmed and ran off. I found her. I’m the only person she’s ever told about that night. I haven’t picked a single fight with Alice since then, and Alice hasn’t picked a fight with me. I started helping around the house. I grew up. You know why?”

Finally, Waverly acts like she’s alive and shakes her head. No, she has no idea why. She had no idea about any of this, either. 

“Because we’re supposed to look out for each other. We look out for each other! Now all of a sudden she doesn’t even know I exist! You’ve been a bad shadow in Nicole’s life for years, Waverly. You can’t just come in here, back in her life like nothing’s happened, and hurt her again! Just because Champ didn’t work out doesn’t mean you get to use Nicole.” Then to top it all off, to make sure the message presents clear to Waverly, “Nicole left town because of you—”

“I know that!” Waverly can’t help but raise her voice. These are all the things that keep her up at night, for hours and hours, thinking nonstop in a cyclone that grows more viscous with each and every thought, each and every day that passes. “I screwed Nicole over, and she left town. I screwed Nicole over, and I got my sister killed. I know! I know I screwed up—I’m the dumbest person on the planet! I—”

The world begins to spin. Waverly grabs desperately onto her horse’s saddle, steadying herself and blinking as many times as possible in a minute, as if that’ll clear her vision again. The plains and the beaten trails disappear into a consuming field of black, before slowly returning to her. Somehow she’s ended up on the ground, and as her vision returns to her she finds Rachel, passing some water over to her. Concerned. Waverly isn’t sure why she should be concerned for someone who’s acted so awful to the most important person in Rachel’s life. 

“Did-did you eat today?” Rachel reaches into the saddlebags, finding the picnic she and Alice packed for later. She can’t help but feel responsible for all this. Every part of this was stupid, and Rachel can’t imagine what the expression on Nicole’s face is going to be when she finds out. Then Waverly’s eyes start to tear up and Rachel feels like the biggest jerk on the planet.

“I did,” Waverly confirms. “I did.” She pauses, breathing air in and out until her breathing slows down again. “I used to be a planner, Rachel. Everything. I had binders and spreadsheets and highlighters for _everything._ I even mapped out the exact time I needed gas for the car. When we’d run out of certain things at home and needed to head to the market. I didn’t plan for Julian. I didn’t have to plan, with Nicole. She took care of everything. She did everything, and I ruined everything. I don’t know why, I just _did._ And it took _cancer_ for me to realize how stupid I was. How stupid I _am._ I threw her out for someone who makes me want to sit on the freezing porch rather than go inside. Can you imagine that?” 

Waverly begins to laugh, hard. Harder and harder, until she feels like she can’t breathe again and she has to stop. 

“You should be mad at me. I don’t blame you.”

“No,” Rachel shakes her head, “I was just being an asshole. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay. You’re right. There’s a lot of things between Nicole and I, and I’ve been trying to pretend they don’t exist because I want the easy way out. I want to forget what I did and just make things the way they used to be.” She looks up at Rachel. “But that’s not sustainable, is it? It’s fake. There’s so much to fix. A mountain. I’ve never really been great at hiking.”

They’re both silent for a moment. Rachel doesn’t really know what to do. Call Nicole? Pick Waverly up and get them moving? Scream into the wilderness?

Waverly makes the call for her. She stands, grabbing onto the saddle once more. She promises to get Rachel back to Nicole, before taking Julian and leaving the trails for the day. 

Nicole asks Rachel what happened, and Rachel’s not really sure how to answer. So they continue on, distanced, quiet, awkward.

-

“We’re not doing this anymore.” Nicole stands in the center of the room, pointing at Rachel’s headphones until she removes them. “You’ve had your time to pout, now we’re talking. You can’t just run off like that, Rachel.”

The teenager sits on her bed, looking off. One hand rubbing at the opposite’s elbow. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“And you can’t—” Nicole pauses. “Oh. Well that was a little easier than I anticipated. Can we talk about what you said to Waverly?”

There is no hesitation. No arguments. Honesty. There is honesty between them, and it’s the greatest gift Nicole can ever ask for. “I told her she ruined your life before, and I’m not going to let her do it again. I told her she only wants you back because she threw Champ out.”

“Oh, Rachel.” It’s not anger. Nicole isn’t angry with her. She’s disappointed, and somehow that’s ten times worse than anger. 

“And then she mentioned she has cancer and that’s what pushed her to leave Champ. She said she misses you.”

This has a clear effect on Nicole, but Rachel sees her push it down. The focus here is her daughter, not her ex, and Rachel feels all the more selfish for playing the overprotective bodyguard card. “I blew you off at the ranch,” Nicole says, already changing the subject, “and I’m sorry. I can't be doing that—I need to be there for you.”

Rachel offers her part of the agreement. “I need to let you solve your own issues with her.”

Nicole’s the one looking off uncomfortably now, before refocusing on the conversation. It’s her silent way of agreeing. “Don’t feel bad about it, okay? You were just trying to be protective.”

“I still feel bad.”

“You’re young. You’ll make mistakes. It’s okay.” Nicole steps closer to her, sitting with her on the bed. The lecture’s over. Time to be best buds again. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

A moment or two of contemplation before Rachel answers, “It was about the Clantons but I saw something else I want to tell you first.”

It’s something important. Something she can’t have ruined. She pulls out her phone, revealing an opened email from the Purgatory Academy. 

Nicole hugs Rachel so tightly, Rachel considers her bones are going to crack. 

Accepted. Full ride. 

She delays the next set of news. She’s just too happy, and she’s missed Nicole too much with the silly fighting she caused. Rachel’s been acting like her own bully all week long—sabotaging Waverly for Nicole’s attention. 

There’s a long sigh before Rachel begins, “I broke things off with Billy. We were at the Clanton’s diner and I learned something.”

Nicole is confused, tilting her head no different from how Peter might. 

“The food made me sick. I confronted Billy and he said his siblings can’t ranch, so they're working with someone else. Someone who uses corn.”

Nicole looks off somewhere else, her eyes trailing. Thinking. Then she looks back at Rachel. “They’re lying?”

A nod. “They’re lying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no yeehaw only emotions
> 
> Happy Monday! jk Mondays are a mistake. Turns out we've settled on nine total chapters here, with the next one being the penultimate installment. Chapter 8 is currently being worked on, though slowly as there are many many EmotionsTM goin' on in that one. Either way, should be up soon!
> 
> Thank you for the support in this story, I know it's super rough and there's ups and downs like crazy between these characters. I really appreciate it. Next time, we'll follow the gang as they navigate Rachel's new discovery.
> 
> Certain chiropractic adjustments,,,, should burn in hell,,,


	8. Chapter 8

“I mean, I’m not really sure how to approach the town sheriff about his deceptive diner,” Nicole says. Chrissy stretches her hamstrings out, looking off in thought. “How do I even  _ start _ that conversation?”

“Are we sure the thing bothering you isn’t Waverly? Meridians are telling me the same thing.” Chrissy smirks down at her, in a way that makes Nicole want to try and kick her in the face.

“It’s always Waverly,” Nicole points out, and Chrissy agrees with a nod.

“Billy had to have told Holt,” Chrissy says, lowering Nicole’s leg. “That family is air tight. They don’t keep secrets.”

“What do I even  _ do _ with the information? How do I even prove that? Everyone’s going to think I’m saying it because I’m losing the diner wars.”

“Wait it out? Maybe Holt will get nervous. Ask Rosita if anyone ever mentions getting sick from that place.”

Nicole nods, “Not a bad idea. If someone’s said it, Rosita’s heard it. Thanks.”

“Any time. Things cool with Rachel?”

“I’m not mad at her, but she feels guilty either way. Mostly avoids me and sits around in her room. I’m probably going to go smooth things over with Waverly today.”

“Rachel’s just an over thinker. She’s a good kid. As for Waverly—” Chrissy leans against the counter in the small room, winking at Nicole— “she’s home right now.”

“I hate you.”

Regardless, she finds herself pulling up at Chrissy and Waverly’s shared home, cursing herself in the driveway. What is she trying to do, here?  _ Hey my daughter was rude! Haha! Bye!  _ Nicole wants to bang her head against the steering wheel. Why is she at Waverly’s house right now?

Why is she knocking on the door? What purpose is this going to serve?

Why does she want to talk with Waverly so desperately?

Waverly looks downright awful when she opens the door. She’s been treating for a while now, but she’s still feeling ill. No hair loss, but she perpetually looks like a zombie. Despite this, this brightens up when she sees Nicole is the one at the door. “Hey.”

All Nicole can do is give the most awkward smile of her life and respond, “Hey.”

Then they’re both silent, neither entirely sure what to do next. Where to go from here. Why this is happening at all.

They’re both terrible at this, but Nicole’s slightly less terrible out of the two. “I wanted to talk about Rachel with you.”

From here, the two head inside, Waverly saying Julian’s read himself to sleep upstairs. Nicole hopes they won’t get to the point of raising their voices, but who knows. Anything can happen when feelings get involved.

“I’m not mad about it,” Waverly says out of nowhere. She visits the kitchen and pours Nicole some tea before joining her on the couch. A documentary about the coral reefs plays in the background, and Waverly pauses it. Serious time. They’re finally going to talk. It’s finally going to happen. Nicole feels sick to her stomach. “She’s just a kid. I don’t blame her, either.”

“Give yourself some credit, Waver—”

“For what? I could die from this, Nicole. I could’ve died, and I would’ve left my son with that  _ moron _ . That moron I threw everything away for.  _ Death _ scared me into making the right decision, not common sense. That is so—I deserve it! And they say I’m getting better but I still feel like garbage!”

“Faith, Waverly,” Nicole says. “Chrissy says a huge part of getting better is what’s in here.” She points to her temples, holding eye contact with Waverly across the couch. “If you don’t believe you’re going to get better, your body will give up, too. Give yourself some credit. You can’t say Rachel is okay because she’s young and stupid, then turn around and kill yourself for being young and stupid. Gross, I sound like Chrissy!”

“Do you have faith in yourself, Nicole?” 

“What do you mean?” Nicole looks at her, so clueless, Waverly has to consider it might be genuine and not deflection.

“You know what I mean.”

“It’s just a diner, Waverly, it’ll be okay.”

“It’s more than a diner. And that’s not what I meant.”

The realization hits Nicole, so clearly, and Waverly considers she’s going to enter a fight or flight response and run out of here. “Some things weren’t meant to be. I wasn’t meant to be a cop, I wasn’t meant to be a soldier, and I clearly wasn’t meant to be a firefighter. I wasn’t meant to help people. Maybe I was meant to do a horrible job of running my dead best friend’s restaurant and barely scrape by.”

“You were  _ made _ to help people, Nicole.”

“Sometimes people need help,” Nicole sighs. “I struggled raising those kids by myself and I came back to Purgatory. Nedley was best friends with that fire chief, and that fire chief looked up to your father. Everything lined up and I still couldn’t do it. How is that job my destiny? I  _ failed _ at that job, and there’s not enough help in the world I can ask for to ever go back.”

“Faith, Nicole. You have to learn to forgive yourself.”

Nicole looks at her. “Do you forgive yourself, Waverly?”

Waverly avoids the question as a whole. “What did you do? Nicole, what did you do that was so unforgivable? We both know what I did.”

“You didn’t kill anyone.”

“I killed Wynonna.”

Nicole’s mouth opens, before closing again. Not the same thing. It wasn’t Waverly’s sworn duty to protect, to defend, to  _ save. _ “Maybe I killed her, too.”

“What’re you talk—”

“I killed her, and I’m failing her and her daughter—we’re going to lose the diner. Every day, we—”

“You’re not failing her, Nicole. You didn’t kill her!”

Nicole stands, suddenly, breathing faster than she should be. She heads for the door, and Waverly calls the end of this conversation.

Nicole stops. She can’t open the door.

The more she runs, the harder her chest gets crushed and the harder it becomes to breathe. The harder it becomes to breathe, the more she knows she’s not fit for these kids.

Nicole cannot fail these kids. She can’t fail ever again.

“I fell out of that truck,” she says. It’s so quiet, and she’s facing the door. She doubts Waverly can even hear it. “I woke up in the sand without a scratch. Every single person in that truck had a scratch, except for me. Gloria Valdez was dead. The two others we were with, Doc and Dolls—dead. Wynonna was—”

Nicole turns. She has to face Waverly. She has to prove to Waverly who really failed Wynonna Earp, in the end.

“Wynonna was alive. She had—she was alive. She looked at me, and then she smiled, and then she wasn’t breathing anymore.” Nicole turns around and faces Waverly, so she can tell her the ultimate failure of her life. “I was taking all those classes. She wanted to sit by the door, but I wouldn’t let her. I wouldn’t let her! I wanted to sit by the stupid door! It could’ve been her, in the sand, not me. I gave her CPR. I don’t know how long, but my arms were exhausted. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save Wynonna!”

Waverly leaves the couch, but Nicole won’t let her anywhere near her. Like she’s a monster that will poison Waverly if she comes too close, or god forbid, touch her.

“There was a fire down at the Edwards ranch. One of the kids was playing with fireworks in his room. We got the dad out. The mom. I got the teenager out. But there was a little girl. I didn’t check all the rooms. I didn’t check all the  _ fucking _ rooms. I told them it was all clear, and I was wrong. I was wrong, Waverly! The mom screamed for her daughter. I ran back inside. I tripped over myself, but I kept running. I got the daughter out, but she had no pulse. I tried. I tried, and I tried until my arms hurt. She looked just like Alice; just like Wynonna. If I did my job correctly, I would have saved her! But I let her die! I killed that woman’s daughter!”

That’s when Nicole gives up. She gives up, too weak to hold up her walls, silently inviting Waverly in. Waverly holds onto Nicole, because Nicole is heavy and tired and too weak in this moment to hold herself. Nicole’s the strongest person in the world, but Waverly will be there for her, right now. This is the hospital all over again, and Waverly won’t let her go. This is the argument they had, many years ago, and Waverly will not let her go. She doesn’t ever want to let Nicole go again. She wants to stay here, just the two of them, and she wants to hold Nicole until all her problems fade away into nothingness.

They fall asleep on the couch together, Nicole’s head secured in Waverly’s lap. When Waverly wakes again, Nicole is gone. Like none of it ever happened.

All day, Nicole thinks about it. Feeding the animals. Tending to the land. It was the first time she ever felt good, after Wynonna died. Like she could save people to make up for the one person she lost. Firefighting was good for her, and it was good to her. When she came back to town, she felt so confident she convinced everyone to finally hold a formal service for Wynonna. She convinced everyone it was finally time to have some courage and say goodbye to Purgatory’s biggest presence. No more ignoring the truth. Nicole finally felt like she could move on. And then she failed that child, and suddenly she was back at square one. 

The next day passes, and the other, and the memories stay in her mind. She never met Waverly’s father, but the chief said she would be a star in his eyes. People around town loved her. They thought she was kind. When was the last time running this restaurant made her happy?

No, it’s not about being happy. She’s got other things to look out for now. This is about the kids. She’s got to keep them happy. She can figure out the restaurant. She can do it.

-

Book in hand, Julian observes the exam room. He looks at all the posters, telling Chrissy they’re all so colorful. She explains some of the muscle groups in them to him, and he’s impressed with how smart she is. Chrissy has him sit on the table, and he asks how many people have been on the table today.

“Definitely Waverly’s son,” Chrissy mumbles. “So what happened, bud? You fell last night?”

Julian nods. “I was reading and I tripped over the chair by the desk.”

“Well, that’s not good.” Chrissy kneels next to him, his feet swinging off the table. “Any bruising, mom?”

Waverly shakes her head. “No bruising. He’s been walking a little weird on his right side. He said he fell on his hip.”

Chrissy inspects from here, giving Julian the full evaluation before she dives in. She finds mild tenderness on the right side of Julian’s hip, doing a light adjustment given his smaller size. She sets him on electrodes with ice and hangs out with Waverly until he’s done.

“Hear from Nicole today?” Chrissy asks. Waverly shakes her head.

“You?”

“Nothing,” Chrissy sighs. “I can’t believe she actually told you. I heard it from the chief.”

Waverly isn’t entirely sure, either. Did she push Nicole to do it? Was this Nicole’s way of giving up?

Does she actually still trust Waverly with something like this? Something as huge and personal and  _ traumatic  _ as this?

“I’m going to find her,” Waverly says. “But I need to do something first. Nicole said her truth. It’s my turn.”

Chrissy doesn’t need her to say it. She knows. “Text me if you want to get lunch or anything, alright?”

“Thank you, Chrissy.”

“Always, Waverly.”

Faith. Waverly needs to have faith in this tumor. In herself. She needs to stand up, to be brave. To get up and fight. She needs to stop being afraid.

She needs to tell Gus.

Waverly waits in her car a good ten minutes, before pacing in the driveway for another fifteen. Eventually Gus spots her and yells for her to come inside, annoyed by the loitering.

Other than Gus regarding Waverly as strange, neither says much. Julian greets Waverly before returning to his cousin’s side, trying to teach Peter a complicated new trick. Rachel is nowhere in sight, presumably at the homestead on her own. Nicole is on the land, walking and talking with Curtis. This is the best possible chance for Waverly to tell Gus. There’s no one around. Just them.

“Need help cutting those onions?”

Of course she’s too scared to start the conversation. She’ll just casually say it while cutting onions! That’s normal! Totally! Best timing ever!

Gus looks at Waverly odd, because Waverly never volunteers to cut onions. Onions make her eyes burn something terrible, and she says this over and over until Gus gets mad and takes over. But today she’s silent. Silent and helpful, and it’s completely suspicious.

Eventually Gus becomes fed up with it and takes the knife out of Waverly’s hand, unintentionally waving it at her as she demands, “What the hell’s wrong with you, girl?”

Waverly just stares at her, and at the knife her aunt waves in the air like a madwoman. Gus takes the hint and sets the weapon aside.

“There’s something going on here. What is it?”

“I have to tell you something, but I’m—I’m scared.”

Gus softens at the statement. She finds the frown on Waverly’s face, the tensed hands, the worried brow, and she grabs her niece by the hands and leads her over to the couch. Her left stays in Waverly’s right, and Gus waits patiently for Waverly to speak again. This is who Gus really is. Under that hard exterior shell, deep down, this is the real Gus Gibson. 

A long few moments pass. Waverly catches sight of her son outside, and suddenly she’s filled with courage. “It’s about my knee, Gus. It’s been hurting that way for a reason. I got it checked out and I, um, I have a tumor.”

The free hand Gus has reaches for the top of Waverly’s head, moving a strand of her long hair from her face. She caresses her thumb downward, down the side of Waverly’s cheek, before her hand leaves Waverly completely. “I know, kiddo. I figured it out. The way you’ve been sick, I knew something was wrong.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was leaving it up to you. Are those treatments doin’ you any good? Do you need anything?”

“I’m getting better. I mean I still feel terrible, but I’m getting better.”

Gus squeezes Waverly’s hand, before letting go of that, too. “That’s good. That’s good, Waverly.” Then she pulls Waverly in close, holding her on this spot on the old couch. “I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me these things, Waverly. You can tell me anything.”

The problem was never Gus. Gus is the easiest person in the world to talk to, even when her responses aren’t what Waverly’s looking for—the honesty of them is too cruel sometimes.

No, the problem was Waverly. The problem has always been Waverly.

She looks out onto the land again, finding Nicole, sitting alone now. She sits on one of the fences, surveying the land by herself. Her red hair shines against the setting sun, and Waverly has to stare a moment before pulling herself away from it.

Waverly needs to finish this. She needs to talk with Nicole next, and she’s dreading every second she waits. She doesn’t know what to say, so for now she stares. All she seems to know is how to sit here, from a distance, and dream.

She dreams and dreams they’ll be okay again, and it’s one of the biggest problems she’s ever created for herself.  _ Will _ they ever be okay again?

-

The final treating doctor on Rachel’s case, Dr. Pressman, officially closes out Rachel’s case. No residuals. She’s going to be okay after everything that happened. Rachel thanks Shae and heads out to the car with Alice, but Nicole hangs back to express her thanks. And try to hide her guilt—she can’t help but feel she’s used Shae. 

“You’re going to go full gray by the time you hit forty, the way you think,” Shae says out of nowhere. She can see it in Nicole’s eyes, the way her mind seems to constantly run a thousand miles a minute. Nicole makes it so painfully obvious, she’s actually embarrassed about it. 

“I didn’t mean to lead you on,” Nicole says. “I’m sorry.”

“I mean, I rescheduled like twelve times, so it’s kind of a miracle you had the patience with me, anyway.” Shae laughs, probably to make Nicole feel better, but Nicole just feels more guilty about it. 

“I thought I was over someone, but I guess not. It was a whole mess, too—it’s so stupid.” She has no idea why she’s telling her daughter’s now former orthopedist this, but hey! Too late.

“You’re not the only one who learned something that night, Nicole,” Shae says. She smiles so sweetly, it soothes away some of Nicole’s nerves. “My life is too crazy, too. I just moved here, I just started here, I’m still making contacts and figuring out how I even  _ want _ to run this office—this is the first business I have ever owned. Not co-owned,  _ owned. _ I barely have enough time for my own dog! If we ever got serious, I wouldn’t have time for your kids, either. That’s not fair to you, at all.”

When all this weight Nicole’s been holding on her shoulders finally lifts away, she allows herself to smile. She even wants to laugh. All this time she’s been holding this guilt, and Shae walked away for the same reason. She feels like the dumbest person alive, and it’s so ironic, so funny, she wants to laugh her guts off. 

“Well, that makes me feel a thousand times better,” Nicole admits. “Honestly.” 

“But you helped me, Nicole. Now I have a contact in town I genuinely trust. A bunch of these other doctors like me, too, but honestly? They suck! I trust Nedley and her entire clinic, and it makes me feel a little better. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right. So thank you.”

“Thank you for helping Rachel.”

“My pleasure. She’s a bright kid. And a good patient; she actually listens.”

“I appreciate it,” Nicole says again.

“There’s no hard feelings here, Nicole. That’s one thing I notice about you.”

“Overthinking is an acquired skill—”

“You care so  _ much _ . It’s not a bad thing. You’re a good person, Nicole. It’s okay if you do one thing wrong. It’s not that big a deal. Even superheroes mess up, and even superheroes take breaks. You have a kind heart. But even kind hearts need some slack; some rest. Take care of yourself, okay?”

The amount of times Nicole has told Rachel to forgive herself is in the dozens. Rachel is young, sure, but there shouldn’t be an age limit on things. 

On the drive home, Nicole thinks. The kids play “I Spy” in the back seat, and it frees her mind up to wander. Guilt. Wynonna. Forgiveness. Waverly. Herself. She’s thought about how she blew off Shae for weeks. A cycle of guilt. Turns out it was for the best for both of them all along.

Nicole sits on the porch all afternoon, thinking for hours. Why does she hold these regrets for herself? 

Why can’t she just let it go? She’s no better than Cleo Clanton, holding grudges.

Nicole thinks about firefighting. She thinks about that child she failed.  _ Really _ thinks. No running away this time. She can’t sit here and tell Rachel not to be hard on herself, she can’t set a good example for Alice, if she’s sitting around bullying herself. 

-

It was so easy to tell Gus. It was so easy to have that talk, it blows Waverly’s mind. 

The memory of it charges Waverly up. It was so easy! She can do this! She can come clean with Nicole! She can fix it!

She stands on the back porch of the McCready ranch, staring out at Nicole in the fields, and she makes her decision. 

Waverly can’t do this. 

Waverly has to do this. 

She has to do this, because  _ they _ can’t do this. They can’t sit around and pretend to be friends. They can’t make plans to go horseback riding, goof around and throw hay bales competitively. They can’t lie to one another. There’s something between them, and it needs to be discussed.

Waverly’s terrible at this. She’s not some cool naval commander, she’s a recruiter that sits at a desk all day. She stayed with someone she hated, because she’s not assertive. She stays at a job she doesn’t even like and puts up with people she doesn’t even like, because she's terrible at this. There’s a million things wrong, and million things she has to fix, and she has no idea where to begin with them. She’s not like Wynonna. She’s never got up and asserted herself before. It’s why they call her the nicest person in Purgatory. 

She’s going to change that. She’s going to stand up to the biggest beast of all: herself. If Nicole can do it, she can do it, too.

Waverly marches down the property, all the way down to the barn Nicole currently takes a break in. 

“It’s my turn.” Nicole looks up at Waverly, breaking from whatever she thinks about. “To talk. It’s my turn to say some difficult things.”

The little demon in Waverly’s ear screams at her. Nicole is going to reject her. Nicole is thinking about something, and Waverly just interrupted her. She’s on the clock, and Waverly is wasting her time. She should turn around. She should turn around and go on home. 

In reality, Nicole invites her to sit in the grass. The dog appears between them, exhausted from the day. Or maybe he knows what’s next to come and wants to help. Nicole confirms this theory when she sighs and pets his head once, before retracting her hand. She’s taking some of his strength, before allowing Waverly to take the rest. Honestly, Waverly might need it.

She has no idea where to start. There’s a million different angles, and a million different ways for her to apologize. The selfish part of Waverly wants to sit here forever, enjoying the light wind as it tickles the side of her face. She wants to enjoy Nicole’s presence here, and the warmth of the dog laying in her lap. But she can’t. This isn’t the reality she chose those years ago, and she needs to stand up and fix it now, make it right now, before it all falls apart like the false reality it is. 

“I’m sick of pretending, Nicole,” Waverly starts. It’s the best way to start, she thinks. “I keep talking to you and smiling and laughing and acting like nothing happened between us. I keep pretending nothing happened, and you give me the time of day, and it’s just  _ awful _ . It’s awful what I did to you, Nicole. And you’re so sweet, and I—I don't deserve any of it! You should be mad. You should scream at me and push me away, but you won’t. You even told me about what happened with that little girl.”

Nicole shifts uncomfortably at the statement, and Waverly fears she’s going to run off. She fears she’s ruined this already, before she can really truly begin. But Nicole sits, stays, waits. Nicole wants to see this through, too. 

Nicole wants them to get better, too, and it pushes Waverly forward. 

“I didn’t know my father. I didn’t even know Julian was my father until he passed away. I only met him once or twice. I thought it was Ward. That’s what Mama said. I don’t know why she did any of it, but that’s what she did. She could’ve taken all of us and moved in with Julian, but she didn’t. She lied. She lied to everyone, and she lied to herself. I grew up with a horrible step father who was drunk every hour of the day and was never kind. I knew Champ was going to be the exact same. I knew Champ was going to be the same, and I still let him trick me.”

Waverly pauses. 

“No, not a trick. It wasn’t a trick. I let him  _ convince _ me. I let him think Julian needed his father. My son ever needed his father. I did. I projected myself onto my son, and I almost ruined his life. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know why I did it — I can’t even try to explain why! It was stupid! I was trying to fix my own insecurities and I got my sister killed! I ruined your life, Nicole, and I — ”

“You didn’t ruin it.” Finally, Nicole breaks the silence on her end. Waverly immediately shuts up, letting her share her part. “I met Rachel. I met Gloria. I met Dolls, Doc, Jeremy. Wynonna got her act together. Wynonna had a daughter, and, Waverly, she actually made a detailed  _ plan _ . When was the last time Wynonna Earp ever made a plan in her life? You didn’t ruin us. You didn’t. I met some great people. I have these memories I’m going to cherish with them forever.”

“What about my son? What about how I almost ruined Julian’s life?” It makes Waverly tear up. Her own flesh and blood, and she stuck him with someone who was the worst possible person for him. 

“He loves you, Waverly. You tried to give him his father, but his father didn’t want him. You tried — that’s more than Michelle did. You walked away. You gave both of you a new chance. You messed up, but you fixed it. Isn’t that enough? We all mess up, Waverly.” Nicole tenses up, the mistakes from her own past flooding into her. “But the effort of fixing it is what really counts, isn’t it?”

“How can you be so okay with this, Nicole?” It feels like Nicole isn’t even mad, and Waverly can’t help but try and convince her this is all wrong. Nicole should be getting revenge, not forgiving Waverly!

“There’s a lot that’s happened in the past few years. Our break up hurt. It did. I think about it all the time. But there’s other things in my life that’ve happened, things I’ve been holding deep inside. Things I need to learn to get past, to get over. At the end of the day, Waverly, I can never be mad at you. Not you. Not ever. Because I remember what we had. That’s probably hopeless and stupid of me, but that’s the truth. I forget what happened between us, just for a second, and it makes me happy. We were so  _ happy.  _ I’ve been avoiding thinking about Wynonna. Dolls. Doc. But now they cross my mind and I’m so  _ happy,  _ Waverly. I miss them. I miss you. I’m trying to fix these things. I’m trying to fix these feelings, and I already feel a lot better. That little girl, Waverly. I’ve been avoiding that for so long. I’ve run out of my therapist’s office dozens of times. I’ve yelled at Rachel for bringing it up. Now I think about it and I ask myself why I gave up. Why did I throw everything away, because of one thing? Why didn’t I try and fix it? Why can’t I just forgive myself? Why didn’t I try and do better?”

Waverly answers. “Because you were scared. You were scared and you made a stupid mistake.”

It sounds so familiar, Nicole looks over at her and smiles. Scared. Waverly was scared. She was young and scared and she let the ideas Champ put in her head get to her. 

She made a mistake, and now she’s trying to fix it. If she can do the simplest part of forgiving herself first, she can fix it.

Finally, Waverly understands the root of the problem, and she looks over at Nicole. Nicole, who has finally figured out the root of her own problems, too. Faith. Forgiveness. Allowing yourself to make mistakes. 

Nicole looks back at Waverly, and she smiles. “I don’t know about forgiveness just yet, Waverly. But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to move on.”

The tears in Waverly’s eyes begin to fall, her skull burning with the effort of holding them in all this time. “Thank you.”

They sit here, together, the dog sleeping in both of their laps now. Watching over the land, studying the way the wind blows everything east. Nicole’s hand grazes Waverly’s, reaching for the dog’s head to pet him. She doesn’t retract. Waverly doesn’t move. Their hands entangle, and they sit here until the sun sets and the kids bring them back to their separate realities and responsibilities. 

-

They see each other around, as they always seem to. But it’s different this time. It’s not full of thoughts. Not full of regret and the possibility of what could’ve been. For the first time in years, there’s a pleasantness between Nicole and Waverly. It’s strange, but familiar, and each of them holds onto it with everything they have.

“We talked about it,” Nicole tells Rachel one night. They play another fighting game Rachel’s gotten hooked on, and Nicole plays as the bear in the game to appease Alice. Alice, who fell asleep about ten minutes ago. But Nicole got good at the stupid bear, and it’s her best chance at finally taking a round from Rachel.

“You and Waverly?” Rachel’s character somehow knocks a fully grown bear into the air, keeping him up there with a series of punches and kicks. Rachel takes the round yet again. She takes the time between rounds to eye Nicole. “About  _ stuff _ ?”

Nicole nods. “Stuff.” The game pauses, because now Nicole has Rachel’s full attention. “I don’t know about forgiveness, but I’m willing to try. We can start somewhere now. It’s kind of nice.”

“Are you happy?” Rachel asks. Her voice is quiet, guilty from what she did while they were riding horses.  _ Trying _ to ride horses, anyway.

A second time, Nicole nods. “Yes. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Like I can finally move past this. Finally move on. Stop hanging onto stupid things from the past. Focus on you and Alice.”

“I’m sorry about what I told her,” Rachel says, her voice even quieter. “I didn’t know she had cancer or anything.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t feel bad about it. You’re young, Rachel, you’re going to do stupid things and make stupid mistakes. I’m an  _ adult _ and I make stupid mistakes. I made a mistake with Shae, didn’t I? Wynonna was an adult when she was fooling around with Cleo. It’s not that big a deal, okay? You were just trying to help.”

Rachel’s quiet for a moment. She doesn’t resume the game, thinking something over. “Why does it have to be one family versus the other, Nicole? Why can’t the Clantons just get over themselves and move on? Why do they  _ have _ to hold that grudge over Wynonna? She’s not even here anymore. It was a stupid thing. Aren’t they tired? They have to be.”

“I agree.” Nicole takes a deep breath, the kind that reminds her how much her bones ache from all of this. “It’s not even my family and I wish it was all over.”

She can’t help but wonder what Wynonna would do in this situation. Would she tell on the Clantons? Would she blackmail them? Would she hide the secret, sweep it under the rug and pretend nothing is wrong in favor of competition?

Nicole knows what Wynonna would do. Wynonna wasn’t a fan of liars.

If Wynonna was here, she would’ve crushed that entire family by now.

-

“Wait, she actually  _ liked _ that line?” Nicole starts laughing, hard enough to kill the wide grin on Rosita’s face. “Okay, wait, I’m sorry—”

“It was a good line!” Rosita snatches the club soda in front of Nicole, declaring her privileges cut off. “We only serve good taste, here.”

“Okay, okay, wait. Wait. So you guys did the deed, and then she tried to steal your car?”

“Yes! My freakin’ car! I mean, seriously—”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Sheriff Clayborn. No smart smile on his face today. No hateful looks. He actually looks upset, because he knows he’s lost. He knows the information Nicole has, and he knows she finally,  _ finally _ has the power to destroy him. “Can I talk to Haught for a second?”

“A second is an awfully short conversation, Sheriff,” Rosita says. She’s on full defense, but Nicole waves her off. Lately she’s been getting better at having these types of talks. What’s another? Might as well!

She’s not entirely sure what she’s going to say to Holt. How to even address it. By the looks of it—the very awkward looks of it—Holt isn’t too sure, either. He sits across from her in a booth far away from everyone else, his head bowed low and his eyes looking up at Nicole. Hushed voices. This is the biggest secret in town, after all.

“I’m not gonna be shy about this,” he comes right out and says. “I know you know.”

Nicole could sit here, mess with him. Ask him what exactly what it is she knows. But she’s never been great at fooling around in these types of situations, as much as she’d love to make Holt flop around like a dying fish. She decides to make things short and easy and confirms, “I do.”

“Let’s just go ahead and keep things quiet, huh? I think—”

“Quiet?” Nicole intentionally raises her voice above a whisper, enraged. “You lied and sold a false product for years in this town. Your whole family is getting rich off of it. You want me to sit here and—”

“Merger.” The single word manages to shut Nicole up. “Come on, don’t give me that look. You hate this line of work. You don’t even want to do it, admit it. Mr. McCready can’t manage for shit—it’s only a matter of time before y’all get run into the ground. I’m willing to buy McCready out and merge with Wynonna Earp’s old diner. I’m cutting ties with the ranch I work with. It’s more emphasis on the McCready ranch. A bigger team means less work for you. Less work, more money. My team, my management, but you get to make all the big calls. Everything you say goes.”

Nicole doesn’t really have a response to any of this unexpected information, and Holt takes it as a sign to keep selling her this new product.

“You got other ambitions to chase. This life ain’t for you. You’re miserable and you know it. It’ll be more time with your kids, Haught.”

Firefighting crosses her mind, and suddenly Nicole is ejecting herself from the conversation. “I’ll think about it Clayborn. I’ll be in touch.”

Nicole exits the restaurant, getting into her truck and driving away as fast as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game Nicole and Rachel played was Tekken, my favorite fighting game of all time--
> 
> Happy premiere week! Who knows what’s in store these remaining six episodes. We’re almost wrapping up this story here, with one more chapter to go, and many more emotions to go with it. Fun stuff.
> 
> I’d like to point out diseases such as cancer need actual medical treatment. Positive attitudes can take you a long way, but they’re nothing on their own. This is my way of addressing that.
> 
> Next time, we see Nicole’s final decision as the story comes to a close. Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

One other person on the planet knows the proposal. Just one. Nicole trusts Rachel Valdez with that information, to keep it secret. She hasn’t really done anything else with it. She doesn’t even  _ know _ what to do with it. 

Does Nicole really want to sell out Wynonna’s business? She’ll still be the owner, but she won’t be the one running the place. Running the ranch. Keeping up on the day to day. She trusts Robin, but it still feels wrong. It feels like she’s throwing the “Wynonna” part of the actual restaurant away. 

Nicole takes a day for herself. She takes a day and goes on a drive, far out of town, to a hiking site she used to frequent when she was younger. It’s quiet out here. There’s no pressures out here. It’s just her and the trail, and the sound of her gear clunking around in her backpack as she travels on. 

Have faith in herself. Forgive herself. It’s hard. It’s the most difficult thing she’s ever done in her life, and these few weeks following her talk with Waverly have been the busiest her mind’s ever been. Is she really ready to move on from her past? Is she really ready for the future?

Nicole wonders if her future includes Waverly at all.

She wonders if Wynonna would be furious about the merger. If Wynonna was losing, she would never give up. She would push and push and push—

But Nicole isn’t Wynonna. Nicole is Nicole.

She takes a break a few miles in, sitting on a lone boulder and looking back on the trail she’s traveled. She’s come awfully far. She’s come so far, pushed so hard, and now she’s stuck. She doesn’t know what to do.

It’s Wynonna’s restaurant. But Nicole isn’t sure she’s actually  _ happy. _ She works all day and into the night, sometimes on the weekends, staring at numbers that never seem to grow. In fact, for the most part they seem to only shrink. Curtis never goes for any of her new initiatives. Curtis was the one that ran Wynonna out in the first place. He’s too tough, too old fashioned, for the good of no one. 

She works all day and into the night, sometimes on the weekends, and she barely gets to see her kids. She spends all this time trying to save Wynonna’s business, she barely spends time with Wynonna’s kid. Alice is going to get older. Alice is going to need her more, and where is she going to be? In the fields? Staring dreadfully at numbers?

Less work, more income. Holt and Cleo’s team, Holt and Cleo’s clientele, Nicole’s ethics and rules.  _ Wynonna’s  _ ethics and rules—no Curtis. Nicole can finally move on. She can finally save Wynonna’s business. She can finally feel like she’s actually done something for Wynonna. 

Every time Nicole thinks about moving on, she finds herself in the sand again. Trying to save Wynonna. She’s on the concrete, trying to save that little girl she forgot. Maybe she failed these things to fulfill her real destiny of running the restaurant. Maybe she was made to run businesses in town. To have no real life other than work and forgetting her kids behind. 

Her kids are most important. Those kids are all Nicole has. She remembers blowing off Rachel and tells herself she needs to be there. She needs to be better. 

When things went wrong before, Nicole went for a change of pace. She came back to Purgatory and invested herself in this. Maybe this isn’t working out. Maybe she needs a change of pace again. 

Maybe she needs to put some faith in herself and move on.

-

Driving back into town, Nicole can see a huge storm is blowing in. She steps on the gas a little harder and plans to stay the night with Gus. No telling what the weather will look like by the time she gets in. 

Two stops before she makes it there. Nicole enters Shorty’s, nodding at Rosita where she stands behind the bar, and turns left. Not sitting at the bar today. Today, she’s having a meeting.

Sheriff Clayborn waits for her, patiently, despite the fact she’s a little late. And smells like the fresh outdoors. He’s the beggar here, anyway. Nicole could show up with a T-shirt of a giant dildo on it and it wouldn’t make a difference. He passes a beer over to Nicole and she accepts, nodding at him.

Terms. Staff arrangements. Plans to make it an internet café, with Jeremy’s help. New hours. Holt suggests later into the night, earlier in the day. It’s almost twenty-four hours now, with more emphasis on drinks later into the night. Wynonna always wanted a giant drink menu, but Curtis never went along with it. Happy hour. Trivia nights. All sorts of new gimmicks Nicole herself actually wants to participate in. They’ll need a new manager, and Nicole promises to take care of it.

“I’ll get us attorneys and notaries who can handle all the legal stuff,” Holt finishes. “I think that settles everything, Haught. If there’s anything else, let me know.” He pauses, stopping himself shortly after moving to get out of the booth. “I, um, thank you. This could’ve gone a lot of ways.”

“Thank Rachel,” Nicole says. She made the discovery in the first place, after all. Everything that happened between her and Billy. Billy. “You can actually do her a favor, too.”

Clayborn doesn’t reject. He even gestures for Nicole to go on.

“It’s about Billy.” Nicole reaches into her wallet, pulling out one of Chrissy’s cards. “He needs help, Holt. This isn’t about me trying to get Chrissy business—she’s got plenty of patients. He still isn’t better. Take him.”

The sheriff looks at her, kind enough to hide whatever offenses he feels before hesitantly accepting the card.

“Technically Billy’s my employee now,” Nicole reminds him. “I want him taken care of.” She makes to leave, standing and putting her jacket back on. Then she stops herself. This is the perfect time to talk. To get everything out with the Clantons. “She’s gone, Holt. Wynonna is gone. Whatever thing between you guys and her? It’s done. There’s nothing else. This isn’t about families anymore. Billy is here, right now. And he’s yours. Take care of him. Your love for him has to be greater than your hate for her.”

Clayborn nods, agreeing, and Nicole leaves. The decision is up to him now. There’s nothing else she can try and do about it.

-

The fact Chrissy has to ask Nicole when the last time she went hiking was isn’t a good sign. 

“You are gonna be sore,” Chrissy laughs. “Just ice when you get home, okay? And get home quick, it looks like a huge storm’s blowing in.”

Nicole didn’t come here to get treated. She came by to drop off some food and give Chrissy a head’s up about Billy coming in. But, hey, if Chrissy offers . . .

Before Nicole can head out, Chrissy grabs some supplements, claiming Rachel was asking about them. Then, she decides to ask about Rachel. 

“So, I wanted to bring this up with you,” Chrissy starts. “After Rachel graduates, I want to hire her. I want to train her firsthand in nutrition. Maybe get a few programs going here. Thoughts?”

Nicole finds herself smiling wide. “Chrissy, that’s a great idea. I won’t say anything, I’ll let you ask.”

“About time we put these darn kids to work,” Chrissy jokes. “Anyway, we should get out of here.” She points out another car in the parking lot. “Don’t want to get stuck here like that weirdo. Purgatory snow is one thing, Purgatory  _ rain _ is another.”

Nicole agrees, thanking her and bidding her farewell for the evening. 

-

When she enters the ranch, Nicole finds a different kind of storm—Gus and Waverly, arguing at the top of their lungs. Gus is upset, and Waverly is trying to defend whatever it is she’s done. Thankfully, the kids aren’t anywhere to be found. Just Rachel, with her headphones up as loud as possible where she hides awkwardly on the couch. 

“I thought we agreed to stop letting the both of you watch  _ Jeopardy!  _ together.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but no one laughs or even acknowledges it. 

“Talk some sense into this girl, Nicole,” Gus says. Nicole thinks to remind her Waverly was raised like an Earp, a sub-species of human genetically bred to be the most stubborn on Earth, but she holds her tongue. 

“What happened?” It’s a good, civil start. A part of her is sure it’s absolutely nothing. Why Nicole has to play the part of mediator, she isn’t sure. Just the unlucky bastard who walked in at the wrong time. 

Gus is the first to answer, giving Waverly more than enough time to rub at her own temples. “Waverly quit her job!”

“Honestly, Gus—”

Nicole starts laughing, so loudly, it shuts the two others up. In the corner of her eye, she sees Rachel taking off the headphones, confused at Nicole’s approach here. “Sorry, sorry I—I’m—” She reaches for Waverly’s hand, dragging her to another part of the house. “Uh, come with me.”

She takes them upstairs, half expecting to find Julian and Alice running around somewhere up here. Nothing. Just silence. It’s actually perfect for this talk they’re about to have. Out the window at the end of the hall, Nicole takes note of how the storm is growing worse. Definitely staying here tonight. 

“Don’t lecture me!” Waverly jabs a finger into Nicole’s chest, stubborn as can be. “I’m not changing my mind. I’ve never been crazy about that job, Nicole! I needed money for my son, and you know it. We can’t start talking about doing things that make us happy, and moving on, and—can you stop laughing at me, please? I’m serious!”

“I’m not laughing at you, I—” Nicole stops, collects herself. “Look, I might be quitting at the restaurant, too. Well, not ‘quitting’ per se, but—point is, I get it. For the same reason. It was something I needed to do, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the only thing I want to do.”

Waverly smiles at her, apparently proud. Supportive. “Okay! That’s good!” Then Nicole’s shoulders drop, and she becomes cautious. 

“I’m just not completely sure, because there’s going to be new management, and I still get to make the calls—but it’s Wynonna’s restaurant, and I don’t want to feel like—” 

Nicole stops. She stops dead in her tracks, and Waverly isn’t really sure what to do. Is there a monster behind them or something? Should she start panicking? Serpentine? Then Nicole’s making some kind of crazy expression, like she’s just decoded a centuries-old puzzle no one else on the planet has ever been able to crack. 

“Waverly!” She starts laughing now, and Waverly starts to become a little concerned. “Do you want to co-manage the restaurant? With Robin? Robin wants the night shift. We need two, the hours are going to be longer. The place is going to be busier. Would you?”

There’s no absolutely no hesitation from Waverly. A chance to look after Wynonna’s restaurant? A chance to do something for her sister? “Yes. Nicole, I would love that.”

While they’re up here, Nicole takes the time to tell Waverly everything. Rachel’s big discovery. Buying Curtis out. The merger. The Clantons are finally scared, and they’re willing to do anything to hide what they’ve done. Nicole should rub it in their faces. She should let them all lose, expose them to the town. But she can’t. She needs their money, their tactics, their ability to get Curtis out of the picture. She loves the man, but he was not made for business in any sense. Besides, it’s time for him to enjoy a relaxing age of retirement in his life after so many decades of ranching. 

If the Clantons operate ethically, under her watch and the on-hands management of two people she trusts dearly, this will all work out. Wynonna’s restaurant will finally flourish. 

When they return to Gus downstairs, they can see rain beginning to pour outside. Nicole hears thunder and decides to get the property straightened up. “Let me take care of the animals. I’ll try to get the kids, too.”

The weather gets worse as she drives out, further onto the land. She spots Peter and takes him inside herself, the poor dog looking spooked from all the thunder. Rachel pats him dry before letting him run inside and take cover under a blanket. The other animals aren’t as easy—some of them actually look at Nicole like she’s the problem here, not the weather. 

This might be the last time she ever has to do this. No more barn animals. No more working irregular, long days with little outcome. 

Can she actually do it? Can she actually go back to her old career? Can she actually go through with it?

She returns inside, to find Waverly in a panic. Julian and Alice haven’t come inside yet. Nicole was just all over the property. They weren’t with the animals. Weren’t with the dog. There’s the one barn they use as storage, but Nicole didn’t lock it. They should’ve known to come back inside by now. 

Nicole runs upstairs. Rachel starts calling the phone given to Alice. Maybe the kids snuck inside. Maybe they’re upstairs, right now.

Nobody is up here. Waverly says neither is in one of the cars outside. Then Peter starts barking and scratching at the door, and Nicole sprints back downstairs. Something is wrong. Something is wrong, and the dog is going to be the answer. 

Nicole opens the door, letting Peter take the lead. She sees it first, but Waverly screams first—the barn used for storage is on fire. 

The tractor Nicole parked by the back of the house is immediately targeted. Nicole jumps on, Peter running behind her, barking as she speeds for the barn. The kids can’t be inside. There’s no way. They can’t be inside. 

When Nicole gets close enough, she can hear it. She hears Alice’s phone, ringing, and she throws herself at the door. The door is stuck—Nicole never locks this barn. She hits it with her shoulder multiple times, screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs until she feels a little person tugging at her jeans. 

“Julian! Are you okay?” Nicole can hear Waverly screaming her son’s name as she runs behind them, trying to catch up. Rachel is on the phone, presumably calling emergency services. Gus is with them, shotgun in hand. Gus thinks someone did this, and Nicole has no time to decide if she agrees or not. Waverly didn’t see any cars outside, anyway.

“I saw papa,” Julian says. “He didn’t look happy.”

“You saw your dad? What did he say?”

Julian just points to the barn. Champ is still inside. 

Wynonna Earp’s daughter is still inside. 

Nicole takes the risk. She hops on the tractor and rams it through the back of the barn, spotting the festering fire in one of the front corners. She knew it felt a little warm by the door. She takes off her soaked flannel shirt, coughing and covering as much as her face as possible from the smoke, though thankfully now, with the hole in the wall, some of the smoke begins to flesh out into the open air. Some of the rain starts to calm the fire, too. 

She screams at the top of her lungs for Alice. No response. Someone calls the phone again, probably to help Nicole with locating her. 

There’s no time. She feels a presence behind her, and ducks out of the way before it can touch her. Pivoting in a hurry, Nicole finds Champ Hardy, armed with a knife.

“I was looking for you, you asshole!” he yells. 

Nicole could scream at him. Tell him he’s stupid, selfish, absolutely idiotic for setting a damned barn on fire. But she doesn’t. She ignores him and moves to find Alice. She considers for a moment he’s using the storm as cover to hide what he’s done, before dropping the theory from her mind. Doesn’t matter right now.

“I’m talking to you!” 

It escalates even further. Champ lunges for Nicole, who manages to move out of the way again. She reaches for his arm, struggling with him to get the knife from his possession. The two of them stand here, struggling foolishly in the heart of a burning barn.

“Stop it, you idiot!” Nicole begs. “My daughter is in here!”

“You’re a thief! That’s not your daughter! Neither is the teenager, and neither is my son!”

“The only person keeping you from your son is you!”

“You’re a thief!”

“And you’re a fuck up!” Nicole yanks on his arm, kicking at his knee. Champ loses balance, and Nicole manages to grab the knife. She pockets it, calling Gus and throwing Champ on the grass outside by his shirt collar. 

Gus points the gun at Champ, subduing him. He tries to lunge again, but Nicole punches him down. 

“You should’ve just let it go,” Nicole says. This is it. Champ has ruined his life, forever. This is the fate he’s given himself, and there’s no one in the world who will be able to help him. She isn’t sure why, but Nicole actually feels an ounce of pity for him. “You’ve got to let it go.”

Then she turns again, racing for the inside of the barn. Screaming for Alice. The phone rings again, Rachel’s way of helping Nicole. She finds Alice, her best friend’s daughter, the last thing anyone will ever have of Wynonna Earp, lodged underneath some debris. Nicole lifts with everything she has. Thunder roars outside, so loudly and so angrily she falters in her lifting. 

She can’t fail. This is Nicole’s duty to Wynonna. It isn’t the restaurant Nicole is going to preserve, to protect, to keep alive in her name. It’s her daughter. Wynonna Earp’s only daughter, her flesh and blood, her hair, her eyes, her dimples, her smile. Nicole is going to save it.  _ This _ is Wynonna’s legacy.

The child is safe in Nicole’s arms when she bursts from the barn. There’s water all in Nicole’s vision, and she isn’t sure if it’s from the rain or from herself. 

The child is safe, but she isn’t breathing.

No. Not this time. Nicole can save her. Alice isn’t Wynonna. She isn’t the little girl from that ranch. Alice. This is Alice. Nicole Haught is going to save her goddaughter, and she’s going to protect her forever, as she was meant to. As she promised. 

The compressions don’t work. Nicole doesn’t stop. She doesn’t make any plans to stop. She can feel her old gear on her, the panic she felt that night. She sees Wynonna below her, in the sand. But she doesn’t give up. She won’t. She can’t. She promised. 

When Alice bursts to life again, Nicole allows herself to lose it. She holds the child, closely, protecting her until the authorities arrive. She looks up after one moment and sees Champ is gone, forever. Sheriff Clayborn nods at her before disappearing somewhere else. 

Nicole watches the fire squad she used to work with, as they check out Alice. Make sure nothing’s wrong. She can feel Waverly kneel next to her, placing a supportive hand on her back. Rachel sits next to Nicole, in case she needs anything. All Nicole can do is stare. She stares, until the police are gone. Until the fire crew starts packing up. Until Gus takes the whole crowd inside, away from the rain. 

The fire chief approaches Nicole before she can go anywhere with anyone. “It’s nice to see you again, Nicole.”

She nods at him, because there’s not much else she can manage right now.

He places a hand on her shoulder, gripping it tight before letting go. “You saved her life.” Then he’s gone, looking back on her one more time before disappearing with the rest of the team.

She saved Alice’s life. 

Nicole thinks about it, all into the night. The child she saves lays next to her, clinging onto her with everything she has. Nicole saved her life. Nicole didn’t fail her. 

-

No matter how hard Rachel focuses on the phone, she can’t tune out Nicole’s pacing. It’s starting to get on her nerves, but she doesn’t want to be rude. This is just what Nicole does when she’s thinking. Still . . .

“So how’d your talk go with Billy?” It comes from nowhere, and Nicole says it so fast, Rachel doesn’t even have to know her to know she’s nervous about something. Eventually Alice gets up, too, and starts pacing with Nicole, like they’re playing some game. 

“Fine,” Rachel says. She observes the way Nicole keeps on walking, and the fact her phone is in her hand. “We’re going to meet up and talk things out in person. I have a good feeling; we’ll be okay. He said things with Chrissy are going well. He’s already feeling better.”

“That’s good. That’s awesome! You guys can stay in touch after you transfer schools in a few months. That’s so—”

Rachel laughs. She can’t help it. “What are you so nervous about?”

“Fire chief texted me. He got my number from Gus, I guess. He said he wants to talk.” Finally, Nicole’s feet stop digging a hole to hell in the floor. “I’m gonna do it. I’m going to take my old job back.”

“Yeah!” Alice yells. “Fire! Pew pew! Pew pew!” She tugs on Nicole’s leg, and Nicole doesn’t think twice before lifting her up and letting her sit on her shoulders. Alice makes all sorts of sound effects, and it totally kills the mood of this conversation. But Rachel is grateful, because Nicole relaxes a little and starts laughing. That, or she’s having a nervous breakdown in the middle of the living room, right in front of the TV.

Nicole stands there, waiting for some kind of a response from Rachel as Alice sits on her shoulders, pulling Nicole’s hair and making various noises. Nicole’s totally immune to it right now.

A moment passes them before Rachel motions her over. Nicole doesn’t move, so Rachel physically takes her hand and leads her over to the couch. Alice climbs down and sits on the opposite side of Nicole, copying Rachel as she takes Nicole’s hand. 

“You can do this, Nicole.” Rachel hands the phone to her, offering to hold it. “Speaker phone!”

Alice clings harder to Nicole’s arm, watching the phone as it dials. “You can do this, Haught Stuff!” It sounds so much like Wynonna, Nicole almost hangs up the phone and runs away.

She can’t do this. Can she do this? This was a bad idea. Nicole should just—

No, she has to. She has to at least try.

“I love you guys,” she tells the kids. Rachel tells her she knows. Alice squeezes Nicole’s arm. 

“Haught, good to hear from you.”

“Hey, chief.”

-

A stranger awaits on the porch. A stranger Nicole has never seen in her life, and certainly has never once thought about.

Yeah, right. She could never forget Waverly Earp.

Both the kids exit the car, running inside from the light rain drizzling down. Alice greets her aunt, and Rachel nods to acknowledge Waverly exists. In that way teenagers do.

“You guys didn’t have to throw me a dinner party,” Nicole tells Waverly. She stands at the bottom of the stairs, despite the rain falling down on her. “It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a huge deal and you know it!” Waverly grabs her hand, pulling her under the safety and warmth of the covered porch. “When do you start?”

“In a week. Not that big a deal.”

“Then take it as a thank you gift. Thank you for the restaurant job. I love it.”

Nicole crosses her arms, feeling playful now. “I told you Champ was bad news. But you didn’t listen, did you?”

“Not what I meant when I told him to get off his ass.” She grabs Nicole’s hand again, tugging her around until they’re inside, eating dinner together. Every single one of them, a giant family. 

-

Things settle down. Curtis and Gus turn in for the night, but the kids all want to watch a movie together. Rachel manages to get Nicole distracted by Alice and Julian and slips away. She finds Waverly as Waverly cleans off the table, and gets her attention by dropping a small bag between them.

“Whatcha got there?” Waverly asks. Rachel pushes it out to her, motioning her to look inside. She finds several supplements and a couple pages with lists on them.

“I’ve been working on a project. With Chrissy.” Rachel pauses a moment, probably deciding what to say next. “I, um, I heard you wanted to go on a vegan diet. So I looked into the best brands to buy from and what supplements you’ll need to make up for the absence of meat. I know you’ve been trying to go back to it for a while, so I figured I’d help you out.”

“Rachel, that’s-that’s really sweet. Thank you.”

“I just, uh, I wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between us. I’m sorry about the horses.”

“Don’t worry about it. Mistakes happen, right?”

She waits for Rachel to nod, before thanking her again and walking her over to the couch with the others. 

-

It’s morning. Late, late into the morning, and Nicole hasn’t lifted a finger. She doesn’t have to. Curtis doesn’t, either. They can enjoy themselves while a new team goes ahead and does the ranch work for them. Of course, Curtis will still head outside and tell them they’re doing something wrong, but for now they can relax without guilt. Finally, they can both feel like they’re not suffocating.

The two kids join Rachel and Peter on a morning walk, leaving Nicole and Waverly to themselves. Gus has stolen Curtis for groceries. It’s just the two of them, alone in the house. Quiet. Some music plays somewhere in the background, and the atmosphere is peaceful. Waverly stares at Nicole, but Nicole doesn’t quite notice. 

“Are we going to be okay?” Waverly asks. Nicole finally looks at her, placing her morning coffee aside. Nodding.

“I think so.” That’s when Nicole finally takes the chance. She reaches out for Waverly, grabbing her hand across the table. “I’m going hiking tomorrow. Just me. It’s an easy trail. Do you want to get away for a bit?”

“Well, I am a person who is officially cancer-free now, so why not?” Waverly smiles back at her, squeezing her hand. “I would love to.”

The kids return to the house before either can say anything else, Alice rushing over to Nicole and Julian rushing over to Waverly. Both of them asking for water, because walking a dog is tough work. Rachel reminds Nicole they’ve got chores to do back home, before grabbing the keys and heading out the door. Alice follows, her own little water bottle in hand. 

“I should head out, too,” Waverly says. “Stupid car needs an oil change, and all that.”

Nicole nods in understanding. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

A small grin forms on Waverly’s lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she confirms.

Nicole smiles at her from the front door, before heading out for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was a tough one. I started it while in a depressive slump, which usually happens around the holiday season. I remember having rough days and turning to this story. There are ups and downs and all sorts of family moments I tried to portray in this one, and I hope they came across as honest as I intended.
> 
> We all make mistakes. Stupid ones. There’s no need to hang on to them. Sometimes forgiveness is everything. I can’t thank you enough for reading this story. It was a rough one, and I was not anticipating the reach this one got. Thank you, reader. Thank you for your support, for all your wonderful comments, for tuning in with each and every upload. I live to tell stories, and it means the world to me.
> 
> ‘Till next time. Stay safe out there.


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